9VI - 1I - 1VII

in the time of the fear in the park near

by I saw this stranger seem to be fightin nothing, hands

flappin in the mid air. I hesitated to get near

but on the minutes of the fear

I couldve done more than stare

maybe ran and go helped, went somewhere.

its a few moments that he is sufferin

when I wasnt payin any attention

to what or whom he was opposing

or supposing

it wasnt my business enough to go there

but visual i was with him invested in whatever,

which made me uneasy to look at what we was fightin

it didnt seem to be a reflection and i know i wouldnt

let myself look like that-

Thats the fact of denial

in a downward spiral

I have no more strength left to fight

but its a silent

for and why I stand alone every night

they always come back, and the guy in the park

stalks me in the dark

I try light a spark

but internal fires may grow

external scars will forever show.

I cannot match what I feel.

Is it real

To the end of time,

and I stay in line ,

each specific word that didn’t linger

but it stayed and soaked into each point

And my life stays calm

in the midst of the storm.

I must belong.

I feel no wrong

and does that make me

prone to violence

and in silence

I stare

into the mid air

cold tears slither down my cheek

it reeks

its a scentless and it creeps into your every pore

into my eyes its sore

and I blink,

strugglin’ to grasp a thought, tryin to think.

it won’t sink…in

leavin’ and sayin I’m not comin back

but don’t worry  you will forget

before I leave , finish your drink and swear,

In the midst of tryin

and Im so sick of your lying

quit making an issue

its not my fault i dont trust you

makin me cry

not even understanding why

So I

sigh, move away

take my eye 

offa you

and the pain stays

as your memory fades

I don’t want to feel

like I am on show in one of your

And I'm not sure How's it going

But I stitch on happy

And nod gladly

Although I'm confused

Sick of being the one who's used

The problem is within

Depth of my memory

See it starting to slide

But where can I run and hide

I'm ashamed, but you blame pride

It's weird, no matter how much I obide

They say these rules are for everybody

But I constantly feel like I'm nobody

See why I don't think they apply to me

It's a mess

Yes, I must confess

Nothing good in this hood

Hooded down and self esteem to match

This

Is

Its raining again and I start

To feel some sort of pain , I hate this part

Oh don't worry I won't

Stray away onna rant, thats not what I want

Being in dark-skinned,stepping melanin pride it aint a front

I really love myself, every black insult I awe

Inspiring beauties told me I am unique

There's something about my face

Quite unreal that it can't be place

Where I was born, although my culture is strong,

Features on this face Gambian laced skin so deep

In my mind paranoid lies still creep

And I took 200mgs tryna sleep

If these scars I wear

Labelled me as showing no fear

Please pay attention and hear

A niggas speech

Its never to late to reach

Out but something in my head says no

Dont trust them, its you in a file

paper don't agree with you, appearing to be so vile,

Your such a lovely girl

You were raised right

Yea,but colorism was my daily fight

You can't imagine the night

I discovered im beautiful under this highlight,

Eyelashes and hair did outta sight

Outta mind looking for my self love

In magazines tryna rise above

Black imagery chosen by white supremacy

Who look just like me

Yea, I found it funny

Eventhough aint it aint making me happy

I gotta brush it off with a smile

Its a long road since I was a child

Striving that extra mile

Just because I was darker

Just because I was darker than you

They shouting chocolate darlin

Got me twirling round wondering

When did this dark-skinned girl

Twirled and grew

Black assets developed

And so did my beauty

From the neck down

Nigggas was tryna get me to bow down

I am passionate

I hate

That it resonate

Something bad for this brother feeling blue

And me, mine are trying to belittle

Me and whats wrong with my mind

This constant state from neat to mess

All over the place, my heads at I must confess

All over my body arms, feet head and chest

Nowhere for this weary soul to rest

But I lay in bed

And mostly dream

Things aint as bad as it seem

You hold the will to change your life

Although you rather just sit and moan

Get on the telephone and scream

Cause a scene for this little piece of green

Dream until their payday wished blessed

Looking for sales in the cheapest stores

Bragging about bargains, talkin out ya neck

Figuring that way you can still claim respect

I've thrived by my self

And I don't ever look back

To the first verse

In the first place

Staying here, depends on me

Well alright, thats calm, okay let's go

No asking, no more borrowing

Unless its transferable skills

That can fill this hollow

Gap where skunk and cali

Erased most of my memory

But I'm better now I only blaze

On evenings and Thursdays

Its kinda hard to change my ways

But I'm tryna inspire out this behaviour, hope it aint no phase

And sick to the stomach of repeating the same ole phrase

If I don't change me

Ima allow myself to soak up every energy

All the downlows

All those jealous hoes

I can't afford for those

To keep me anchored with them

Misery likes company and it aint got a friend in me....

Ya feel like bringing me down.

Fuck outta my face, clown

Your just a sad joke,

Tryna break my character, tryna provoke

Me, to switch. Uh uh you fail.

Aint gonna have me seating up in jail