Vent post - talking about dysphoria, mental illness
Iām on HRT. Not the good fun trans HRT, the one they give to elderly women for menopause.
Normally Iād be at peace with this because I need it, but I also have a hormone disorder that makes me incredibly sensitive to hormone changes and itās going to be another week or so at least until it stabilises.
Right now, this pill is making my brain do things that it normally does when Iām unmedicated. It basically induces the symptoms Iām on the specialist treatment for before it calms them.
The previous times my brain did this unmedicated, I became so paranoid my friend group hated me that it became a self fulfilling prophecy, I nearly dropped out of uni, and I convinced myself my boss and all my coworkers had a secret plan to make me quit.
This time, it is making me so severely dysphoric I want to tear my skin off. Iāve never experienced dysphoria this intense. I feel like I canāt safely be around my current irl friend group because theyāre all trans and all of them are on gender affirming hormones and Iām on the opposite of that. This will only be for like a week, heck I might be normal tomorrow, and afterwards Iāll feel stupid for having such intense emotions but itās really scary right now and I donāt want to lose relationships again over the way my brain processes chemicals - for reference, Iāve been told my symptoms are in the worst 5% of all cases of the disorder I have.
Just needed to get this off my chest bc I canāt go to my friends about all this and Iāll be fine in a week anyway - speaking of getting things off my chest does anyone have any binding suggestions, I donāt like wearing binders and Iāve developed an adhesive allergy so I canāt use KT tape anymore
My crisis toolbox rn consists of 1 diazepam, lavender tea, and all the warrior cats books. At least I donāt have a job (because of The Disorder), but that also means I donāt have money either.
