C U N T C E P T I O N

I needed to make a post tonight for no other purpose than to maintain some sanity. In reality I have about seven other concrete non-feeling related things to address tonight, so short and sweet here is what is going on...

Tonight when looking for my passport I found some pretty atrocious and horrifying things in my apartment placed there by my living partner. These items are one hundred percent NOT okay and have left me nauseous, pretty pissed, angry..fooled? To hold him in absolute high esteem and have him disrespect me so completely...I am livid. It discounts everything he has ever done for me. 

So there is that.

Other thing on my mind, other thing bothering me. I have this idea that I only feel validated as an attractive, pretty, worthy of advance woman when I am being sexual or being sexualized...I don’t take being sexualized as a negative. Because I’ve really had no sexual contact in a long while, and because I’m not currently the target of sexualization, admiration, whatever, I sort of feel like cruddy trash. That’s a strong sentiment but on some level I equate being sexually pleasing as essential and me I’m a zero in that zone at the moment.