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Marcottes and Memories

On the anniversary of the late Mr. Callas’ death, Clorinde usually avoids Navia as much as possible. But after being convinced to break that cycle, she learns a duel between absence and the heart never ends in a draw.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62873467

I find Richeh's perspective on life really fascinating because I used to have this exact same mindset when I was a child. It boils down to "I hate being forced to learn about/do things I dont enjoy and only want to learn about/do things I like to preserve my sense of self identity". For example she hates tests because you're required to use a specific method to get the answer, and she prefers doing things her own way. She also thinks if she learns too much about things she doesn't like doing, she'll change too much as a person & won't be herself anymore. On the surface that's pretty childish. Eventually everyone has to do things they don't enjoy. Because I used to think like this, I hated school & only put in any effort when I liked the subject. I loved writing, so I worked hard at stuff like Language & Literature. I never got very good grades in most other things until I got older & went to college. I always regret not studying harder & used to really hate my past self for being that way. But I also think that having this mindset saved me from going down some bad paths as a kid/early teenager. I knew a lot of other boys my age who fell into edgy alt right culture because these weirdos they saw on YouTube & other places got in their heads & told them that they can only be loved and respected if they take the red pill or push down their emotions, never open up to their friends, treat women like property instead of people and make being an "alpha" their whole personality. Meanwhile I was exposed to the same stuff at that age & thought: "Sure, I COULD do all that, but then I wouldn't be me anymore." I didn't see the point was in changing for other people to like you, because then you won't like yourself. If people only like this "fake" version of you that you created to please them & hate the real you, what is that even worth? Richeh's mindset might sound immature(cause it is) but there's a strong maturity at the center of it. She'll never compromise who she is for anyone else. That's something that a lot of grown adults have still never learned to do.

I'm really proud of younger me for teaching himself that lesson so early on. He went through so much bullying, peer pressure, and even abuse from kids and adults who told him he was too weird, too dark-skinned, too effeminate or unmasculine. But he never changed. Not unless it was a necessary change in order to grow up.

I've made a lot of mistakes, I've learned and grown a lot. But thanks to my younger self, I'm still my own person. I've never changed my identity just to please anyone else, and that really is worth something in the long run. If I'd changed myself back then, I wouldn't have found people today who love me for me.

A Two-Voiced Fugue

In the first days of Sunday's departure, he struggles to adjust to his new home aboard the Express. But when Tingyun boards the train for a few days while she plans her first destination, the two become more closely acquainted.

When one traveler strives to build up the earth, and another traveler wishes to strike down the heavens, what happens when their Paths intersect?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62155795

My house has a lot of natural light that flows in at all hours of the day. Some days the light that comes to visit is bright and cheery, shining with the good graces of the sun and bringing happiness and warmth, in a literal sense, to whoever it touches. 

And sometimes the sun is obscured by clouds, or a passing storm, leaving the light to reflect nothing but the sky itself, painting the windows and floor with a melancholy shade of blue that extends sorrow to every bit of the atmosphere that I live in. 

It's certainly just my imagination, but I've always thought the color and feeling of the natural light that comes to visit my house reflects the way my thoughts drift around in my head. Sometimes those thoughts are closely packed together. Wake up. Make coffee. Get studying. Oh, what's that? No, stay on track. You can do this. On those days the light is bright, it warms my feet as I walk along the wood floor past the dining table. Other times the thoughts are loud and debilitating, and yet far apart. Each one leaves a long, howling echo in my brain of the same dark sensations reverberating over and over again. It's over. You're done for. Might as well give up now, because even if you kept trying it'd be for sake of grasping at straws that are bending away from your hands. On these days the light is a sickly shade of blue, reflected in the exact same pattern of the front door window. It's still beautiful, but I am not equipped to recognize that beauty because of how crushed and hopeless my brain is telling me to be. 

what makes me feel weird though is all the boxes and hurdles that i feel like every community on earth has for me to jump over or fit into in order to be acknowledged as an “acceptable” member of said community. Cishet allies are alright on paper, but it’s easy to just say you accept something without ever being in a position to really immerse yourself in it, so some of them still end up missing the mark. 

And with how much the LGBTQ+ community prides itself on acceptance, you’d think that just being a part of the movement alone would be pretty cut and dry, but there’s still some people who are strangely obsessed with the idea of everyone who identifies a certain way also thinking and acting a certain way, and they project those ideas onto the community as a whole.