Summary: When Chuuya’s attempts to seduce Kajii with pick-up lines go right over his very literal-minded head, Chuuya decides to take a more direct approach
Notes: rare-pair day three, here it is! this is my first motojichuu fic and it was pretty fun to write about, if a bit exhausting to keep googling various sciencey things for kajii to talk about lol, this is just a fun, cute little fic for an adorable ship that needs more love, I hope you all enjoy this!
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Chuuya tapped his fingers on the table’s edge, watching Kajii gesture wildly in the throes of another story about some experiment or other and trying to find a break in the seemingly endless string of words where he might be able to start a conversation about something other than the many marvels of plutonium. Normally, Chuuya could listen to Kajii talk about his experiments all day; his enthusiasm and passion, not to mention the radiant, if slightly maniacal, smile on his face more than made up for the fact that Chuuya couldn’t understand a word he was saying, but today, Chuuya had something else in mind.
For the past few weeks, Chuuya had been dragging Kajii out to lunch at a cozy little soup restaurant a couple blocks from headquarters. Kajii was one of the mafia’s most brilliant scientists, but he fixated on his experiments to the detriment of all else, including his health. Stories of Kajii sleeping in his lab- or not sleeping at all- for days on end had percolated through the various ranks of the mafia before finally reaching Chuuya himself. As an executive, Chuuya was responsible for hundreds of subordinates, so it was only natural that he wouldn’t be able to properly care for all of them; however, Chuuya was nothing if not determined, so the moment he found out about an issue pertaining to any of his subordinates, he leapt into action. Now, whenever Chuuya was able, he made sure Kajii was eating at least one full meal a day and going home at a reasonable hour.
“He’s just like Akutagawa,” Chuuya thought to himself. “He’ll run himself to the ground if I don’t take care of him.”
Due to the nature of his job, Kajii was in significantly less danger than Akutagawa, and he was far more willing to accept Chuuya’s help while Akutagawa, true to form, responded like a sullen teenager. Chuuya had even tried to bring Akutagawa along for one of his lunches with Kajii once, but he had sulked in the corner of their booth the entire time, scowling and hardly speaking, slurping his soup in the most ill-mannered way imaginable. Still, at least he had eaten something- it very well could have been the only nourishment he had gotten in days.
There was another, vital difference between Kajii and Akutagawa; somehow or another, the eccentric scientist had stolen Chuuya’s heart, and Chuuya intended to win him over before he even had time to finish his soup.
While Kajii paused his monologue long enough to take a breath, Chuuya leaned across the table and lightly touched his hand. “Is the soup hot today, or is it just you?” he purred.
Kajii lifted his soup bowl to his mouth and took a slow sip, considering. “It’s the soup,” he said. Sighing, Kajii gazed down at his soup, forlorn. “If only I had a thermometer- then I could know the precise temperature in degrees centigrade.” Joy dawned on Kajii’s face. “Speaking of degrees centigrade-” Kajii launched into a lengthy description of the boiling points of his favorite elements, beginning, naturally, with carbon which was, as Kajii explained, “The most fundamental element to human existence, the most marvelous element of them all!”
Chuuya watched Kajii wave his hands excitedly as he rhapsodized about elements and wondered if Kajii ever talked about him with half the excitement he used when discussing the boiling point of carbon. When Kajii stopped talking to take a sip of his soup, Chuuya took a deep breath.
“If I were an enzyme, I’d want to be helicase so I could unzip those jeans.”
“Helicase!” Kajii exclaimed, a dreamy look coming over his eyes. “My third favorite type of nuclease! Oh, are you talking about DNA or RNA helicase? It’s very important,” he added, waving his finger at Chuuya.
Chuuya blinked. “Um…” The mafia hadn’t exactly provided Chuuya with an in-depth scientific education; he had never even heard of RNA before. “DNA, I guess?”
Kajii seemed disappointed. “Oh, I much prefer RNA helicase- without it, ribosome biogenesis would be impossible.” He took a long sip of his soup, then, taking pity on Chuuya, added, “But DNA helicase is okay, I suppose. Just not as exciting. But, you know what’s really exciting?” he asked, brightening instantly. “Pre-mRNA splicing! You see, it all begins when-”
Chuuya was beginning to grow impatient; his time with Kajii was running out fast, and he needed to move quickly. He reached out and touched Kajii’s shoulder, then let his hand coast down Kajii’s arm, running his fingers along the tattered edge of his lab coat’s sleeve. “I like that lab coat of yours,” Chuuya murmured, fluttering his eyelashes. “But I think it’d look better accelerating to my floor at a rate of- of-” Chuuya paused, struggling to remember the scientific pick-up lines he had googled earlier. “- 9.8 meters per second.”
“Per second per second,” Kajii corrected.
Kajii waved his hand. “Or 9.8 meters per second squared, if you prefer. Acceleration is measured in seconds squared; velocity might be measured in seconds, but certainly not acceleration!” He tilted his head to the side, regarding Chuuya from an angle. “I’d think you’d know all about that, since you’re a gravity manipulator.”
“Why would I?” Chuuya replied a bit defensively. “I know how to use my power- that’s all that matters, right?”
Kajii made a vague, disappointed sounding hum deep in his throat. “It’s not necessary,” he admitted, eyes downcast. “But it’s far more interesting. It seems like such a waste to have such a fascinating ability and not want to understand the scientific intricacies behind it.”
Chuuya cursed himself mentally. Why hadn’t he done some actual scientific research instead of just googling stupid pick-up lines? Besides, no matter what line he used, Kajii was sure to find some way to take it literally. Chuuya glanced at his clock: five minutes before he had to return to headquarters. Sighing, Chuuya decided to put the carefully planned lines aside and state his feelings as clearly as possible, leaving no room for more literal interpretations or scientific lectures.
Chuuya grabbed Kajii’s hand, holding it firmly in both of his. “Kajii,” he said, giving his hand a squeeze to get his attention. “Can you listen to me for a moment?”
“I-” Chuuya took a deep breath. “I really care about you, you know. A lot.” He gave Kajii an awkward smile. “More than I care about my other subordinates, and in a different way. I wanted to ask if maybe you wanted to, I don’t know…” Chuuya ran a hand through his hair. “Get dinner some time? Like, you know, as a date?”
“A date?” Kajii’s eyes widened. “I’ve never been on one before. Should I bring you flowers? What species of angiosperm would you prefer? The genus rosa is typical of course, but genus lilium is lovely as well- such a pronounced stigma! Very advantageous for pollen distribution, and-”
“So you do want to go on a date with me?” Chuuya asked.
Kajii seemed surprised by the question. “Of course I do! You’re, well…” Kajii flushed. “If you were an element, you’d be carbon.”
Chuuya could feel himself blushing, too. He leaned across the table to give Kajii a hug. “I think you’re carbon, too.” He pulled away, digging in his pockets for change to leave as a tip. “We should be getting back to base soon,” he said, walking around the table to link arms with Kajii. “But while we’re headed that way, can you tell me what’s so interesting about genus lilium?”
Kajii’s face lit up. “I’m so glad you asked!”