YOU ARE THE 0000TH PERSON TO EXPERANCE MY TUMBLR

the enemy drank water today. did you?

i drank water three days ago. im several steps ahead of the enemy. this is what it takes to win

another reason this is the only social media site i give a fuck to actually use is because you're allowed to add links to text instead of just having to paste a url into the body of your post like some kind of caveman.

[ID: a tweet which reads, "(bunch of buddies sitting around laughing and drinking in the 1700s) man we've got such a good dynamic. We should print a satirical pamphlet."]

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

i bet count von count has killer fuckin music taste

Gay kink stores are like here’s the fuck master 5000 gnome king pig blaster it goes in your ass obviously pigfag and pansexual kink stores are like here’s like gender sensory backdoor pridefun exploration pleasure rod and it’s the same toy

this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

And the subject of tonight’s ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea

if god was real spencer would have gone through stigmata

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. It’s a win win situation

They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.