Just a random autistic guy

Caitlyn Kiramman

to put it simply, caitlyn kiramman is autistic-coded as fuck. yes, this is partially projection, but is it really that if i’m right? and even if not, she’s neurodivergent in some form considering various interactions she has with other characters, and expresses many autistic traits.

we see her stim several times, tapping her thumb when she is anxious and spinning her gun around idly (jesus christ caitlyn practice gun safety i know it’s probably unloaded but damn);

she hyperfixates on the crime of the undercity for an extended period of time, making a conspiracy board and infodumping to jayce about it very excitedly, talking very fast and seeming annoyed when he doesn’t keep up with how fast she talks (seen in episode 4 when jayce comes to visit);

she’s incredibly observant with her investigation and is able to notice very subtle things, such as the path of jinx’s gun (also in episode 4 on the airship);

she has a special interest in shooting as she has done it since she was young and is incredibly “gifted”/skilled at it (in episode 5 during the flashback and at the end of the episode);

we see she has problems with social cues and takes a while to process them, usually looking to her mother for guidance when possible, and having anxiety in social situations or otherwise being awkward (episode 5 during the brothel scene when vi brings pim over, and episode 8 during the council meeting)

she can be accidentally rude and tone-deaf at times at times due to this misunderstanding of social cues and trying to ask questions that aren’t meant to come off that way (episode 5 again with the last drop comment, and the following episode asking about vi's parents);

she has difficulties accepting changes, specifically when related to enforcers which can possibly be evidence of black and white thinking, but i’m not totally certain (hey look screenshots that i took)

she seemingly has no friends her age, leaving her socially isolated (hence her calling herself a misfit), struggling to interact with her coworkers as they make fun of her for her impulsive fact checking and we only see her have some kind of friendship with people who are older than her (struggling to get along with her coworkers in episode 4, having a mentor-ish relationship with grayson, and being friends with jayce who is a few years older i don't remember exactly how old);

she masks with a “posh” persona when in the presence of the council although her real personality is quite different and much less rigid (episode 8 during the council scene she masks, and technically ep 5 could count but not sure);

and she has problems respecting authority such as marcus and disobeying (episode 5 with the tattooed lackey and caitlyn repeatedly trying to ask if she can help investigate further before reluctantly following orders).

with this evidence it isn’t a stretch to say she is autistic-coded. a lot of these i have personally experienced as an autistic person, especially the social isolation, accidentally coming off as rude, and struggling with social cues. because of how our brains are wired, it’s incredibly difficult to read people, figure out true intentions, or to figure out what a correct response is, and other social things that might come easily to an allistic person. this can lead to feelings of being a misfit, which caitlyn very clearly states that she relates to in episode 2. 

Social Isolation And Autism

autism makes it difficult, although definitely not impossible, to socialize for a lot of people including me. because of me not being able to understand social cues, misreading tones, and oftentimes my gullibility being taken advantage of, it’s difficult for me to make friends in real life and has led to me developing severe social anxiety and slight agoraphobia. it impacts how i interact with others significantly as you can guess, and this is true for caitlyn as well, specifically with vi (minus the severe social anxiety and agoraphobia) but we’ll get to how this affects their dynamic later.

caitlyn has the weight of being a councilors daughter on her shoulders and one of the richest people in piltover, which leads to her being made fun of due to this assumption that she is like the rest of piltover’s high society, which is bigoted, posh, and “refined”. she’s oddly passive to this kind of bullying from her peers, which is meant to imply that she’s just… used to it.

they also mock her kiramman name as well, which can explain how caitlyn seems very apprehensive to talk about it. considering her status, it’s not hard to assume that another reason she has no friends is the fact a lot of people wouldn’t want to genuinely be friends and see her as a person, moreso trying to raise their own status and being autistic means you misread tones already, especially when people are purposefully hiding their intentions.

even around jayce, you can tell there’s still a slight disconnect there with the conspiracy board scene as he doesn’t totally match caitlyn’s excitement about this and is a bit more practical, asking how she’s gonna prove this to the council and she seems a bit disappointed about it. she wants to talk about it, it just she doesn’t get the chance and nobody really listens- we see this with the enforcer scene as well.

she’s a misfit in every sense of the word. she doesn’t fit in with her peers, she doesn’t fit in with her family, she doesn’t fit in with piltover as a whole because of the culture surrounding it. she doesn’t fit with the norm because she has empathy for those in the undercity also hyperempathy is a symptom of autism but i’m unsure if there’s enough evidence for caitlyn having that but there is that one scene- ANYWAY) and doesn’t buy into the corruption.

as for how this affects her dynamic with vi, it helps them get along better surprisingly enough. vi’s very blunt and straight to the point (straightest thing she’s ever done) compared to how in piltover people’s words can be covered with hidden meanings- see for example mel’s form of manipulation. she doesn’t bother not telling caitlyn things directly unless it’s purposefully something she wants to hide like jinx being her sister. of course the cultural differences also lead to conflict between the two, but the positives still stay. i’d frankly prefer people be blunt and say what they mean even if it is MEAN, rather than be passive aggressive and hide their annoyance, expecting me to just pick up on it.

she doesn’t judge caitlyn for her kiramman name either, which is because caitlyn purposefully keeps this information from vi, but when she does find out about it it isn’t even brought up. they could have easily had this be a source of conflict for the relationship and about how they don’t trust eachother still, but it isn’t brought up at all or mentioned.

and most importantly, she fully validates caitlyn’s theories. although of course vi has her own personal reasons for wanting to take down silco, she still doesn’t question caitlyn’s theories, genuinely tries to help her, and is even impressed by the conspiracy board (“you did all this? without even going down there? and i thought powder could get obsessed.” ); a great contrast to caitlyn’s other interactions with people who aren’t exactly interested in it. (season 2 i swear to amanda overton give me a scene where caitlyn just infodumps to vi)

being autistic makes it difficult to socialize as i said, which means we lack support systems often. caitlyn has her family and jayce, but vi’s someone who doesn’t expect anything much from caitlyn. all the expectations she does have are negative (“you enforcers are all the same! just asshole criminals in fancy uniforms.” “it doesn’t work. it never has. you topsiders always like to screw us.”), and she disproves those very quickly.

when we do find community, commonly in other neurodivergent people, it’s incredibly freeing and liberating. i personally experienced this meeting my friend group of 2-3 years now which is entirely made up of neurodivergent people, so it makes sense that caitlyn and vi would find such a genuine and caring connection with the other since they’re both neurodivergent. in different ways, yes, but like i mentioned, ptsd and autism can overlap and are similar.

Violet

personally, i believe that vi has c-ptsd and this is heavily supported by the narrative so far and i presume that it will continue to be supported. c-ptsd is a type of ptsd caused by repetitive traumatic experiences back to back typically, such as losing two families by the age of 14 and being physically abused for seven years consistently.

some symptoms of c-ptsd that vi has are difficulty controlling emotions (seen in episode 3 when she hits powder and lashes out before seconds later feeling extreme guilt);

feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world (do i even need to explain this one),

feelings of being permanently damaged/worthless (her comparing herself to oil, something seen as dirty and a contaminant of water, and her explicitly stating she feels less than piltovans in episode 2);

and avoiding friendships and relationships (continuously trying to push caitlyn away out of fear).

as for general ptsd, some symptoms she also displays are being easily upset or angry (her main personality trait is her short temper);

disturbed sleep or a lack of sleep (we don’t see this in the show yet, but those eyebags speak volumes your honor she sleeps eight hours a week at BEST),

irritability or aggressive behavior (see evidence for first symptom);

doing things that could be considered self destructive or reckless (constantly throwing herself into fights);

blaming self for what happened (“then a real monster showed up. and i just ran away.” this will be elaborated on to great lengths later), feeling like you can’t trust anyone (incredibly mistrusting of caitlyn at first);

and overwhelming feelings of anger, guilt, or shame.

this repeatedly affects her throughout the show and impacts her relationships greatly, more specifically her guilt complex and severe survivor’s guilt.

C-PTSD and Guilt

in episode 1 of arcane, after the heist goes wrong, vander has a talk with her about responsibility and how the group looks up to her. in particular he says this line: “you say run, they run. you say swim, they dive in. you say light a fire, they show up with OIL. but whatever happens, it’s on you.”

i know that vander most likely gives vi this advice because he himself has this mindset, and he clearly has no ill intent and kind of has a point with vi being so reckless, but either way this perfectly primes vi to have a guilt complex through her life. this is also caused by her survivor’s guilt, but vander didn’t exactly help it with these words. 

said survivor’s guilt from episode 3’s events, and her guilt complex making her believe everything bad that happens to a loved one is somehow her fault or could have somehow been helped by her, is easily the most likely reason why she keeps on trying to shove caitlyn away. she can’t bear the idea of another loved one getting hurt because of her, since she’s already lost so many in her life. 

she feels extremely guilty for the events of episode 3, which she most likely believes she caused in some way and it is personally all her fault. that she could have somehow prevented these events in any way. simply look at how she talks with ekko in episode 7, saying “I SHOULD have been there. for you, for everyone.”, and what she says in the next episode with caitlyn “then a real monster showed up. and I just ran away.”

it’s incredibly disturbing and heartbreaking to hear her say this as if her being kidnapped and thrown into prison was somehow able to be prevented by her which isn’t true. she never intended to leave powder at any point, and it only seems like abandonment to her because vi never got a chance to explain herself and the reason she walked away (which was to cool off so she wouldn’t harm powder more) until seven years later, and that doesn’t even really talk about her survivor’s guilt from that night and how she feels that it was her fault.

speaking of her imprisonment, it’s a huge source of her trauma as well and leads to her developing trust issues and her anger issues becoming worse. she has repeatedly brutalized silco’s goons over 7 years, and has been brutalized herself by guards every time she repeats this behavior to punish her, and was also isolated which is an interesting parallel to caitlyn’s own isolation. oddly enough she repeats this behavior by herself, though less as a punishment and moreso a coping mechanism for her trauma.

i go more into detail about this here, and it also covers her anger issues + repeats a bit of what i’ll say here, but the tldr is that she uses violence as a way to cope with her trauma as she hasn’t yet been in a safe enough environment for long enough to be able to truly process her grief, and could be considered a form of self-harm.

bloody fists aren’t so bad when they distract you from emotions you can’t even begin to comprehend. think of the quote “why are you so full of rage? because you are so full of grief.”

along with everything else, she feels extreme guilt for her reaction to powder that night, and spends the rest of the show so desperately trying to make up for it. but the tragic thing here is that she just can’t. she tries so hard to explain, to understand her sister, to try and get back to her, but it always fails. she never gets the chance to, because frankly healthy communication in this show is like a fucking unicorn.

she’s chasing after a redemption she can never get.

her guilt also severely impacts her self worth, seeing as she is incredibly reckless and also shows signs of self loathing. she straightup states this in act 1 (“i grew up knowing I’M LESS THAN THEM!”) and even compares herself to a monster which is talked about in the analysis i linked above. she places her self worth so heavily on her ability to protect others it completely breaks her when she can’t do that and fully thinks it’s her fault. even in the teaser she says:

“i can do this myself, no-one else needs to get hurt.”

we get two things from this line: 1. what she says directly, “no-one else needs to get hurt”. someone has already gotten hurt, most likely caitlyn’s mom considering the ending of s1 but possibly someone else that is very important to vi such as ekko or caitlyn, and 2. “nobody else but ME needs to get hurt”. she’s the one whose the most expendable, who started this issue with jinx in the first place, she can get hurt because she doesn’t have any worth in her eyes, she already failed. whatever happens, it’s on her.

and naturally, this affects the dynamic between her and cait drastically as one could expect.

from the start she is very unwilling to trust caitlyn because of her trauma with enforcers and pilties in general, and is pleasantly surprised by caitlyn freeing her. she purposefully tries to cultivate a divide between her and caitlyn and seems to have fun messing with caitlyn as she doesn’t know the culture of the undercity. even when caitlyn saves her life, vi is still very closed off and putting up this strong facade.

it’s common for those with C-PTSD, especially those whose trauma is related to abuse specifically, to fear getting close to people and purposefully avoiding relationships, especially considering vi has trust issues. it wouldn’t even be a stretch to say that vi’s being blunt and standoffish to be unlikeable because of said fear.

as the show continues, she does let her emotional walls crumble slightly, but by episode 8 they’re already back up. and when i mention episode 8 you BETTER know i’m gonna talk about oil and water.

there have been many, many, MANY analyses about this and i’ve written some myself but that won’t stop me from going on about this for way too long fuck “being brief”

this metaphor of oil and water is flawed, seeing as a quick search proves that oil and water can mix through emulsion, but i think that’s the point. vi is very much lying to herself and caitlyn, she IS just saying that. she’s purposefully pushing caitlyn away because she is absolutely TERRIFIED of caitlyn getting hurt. at this point vi sees the only solution here is violence, and she does not want to see caitlyn caught up in it. 

hell, this scene even ties into vi’s self worth issues, considering oil is a contaminant to water and one seen in the undercity during viktor’s flashback in episode 6.

violet knows she can hurt people, she knows she can get people hurt, and she doesn’t want to see caitlyn be one of those people. it’d be one person too many at that point. she’s incredibly stubborn about this considering she’s tried this three separate times through the show but thankfully, 1. caitlyn’s equally stubborn about not leaving vi and 2. jinx loves to accidentally wingwoman for these two.

(shoutout to my bestie bia for linking me to a google drive with hd screenshots)

(also the fact that these two scenes are parallels makes me want to eat glass and then throw myself into the sea)

i believe it’s very important that caitlyn IS stubborn about it. a vital part of healing from ptsd is having a support system, people you can fall back on when things get tough, people you can talk to. it’s part of the reason jinx had her breakdown- she lost her support system and everything crumbled. vi needs to talk about her trauma desperately, and we’re already seeing hints of this in s1, specifically with the bed scene and this line: “what happened to her, it’s not your fault.” that’s what vi NEEDS to hear, especially considering whatever the fuck awaits us next season.

they’re both going to go through a lot in s2, and i can’t wait to see how their dynamic grows from that. 

Conclusion

that’s about all i have to say on this topic, if you read through all (checks wordcount) about 3.4k words- fucking hell i am mentally ill HAH THAT RHYMED- good for you and also fun fact this post has infected you with my violyn brainrot. it’s highly contagious. i am not sorry.