Kinda like if a lesbian was a boy

"she'd tell me if she was mad at me, i don't need to ask"

"they all want me around, they're just busy right now"

"i deserve getting captured and kept in a cage and doted on for the rest of my life"

Like, I am speaking here as someone who will probably never be anything but repulsive to men who are attracted to women. I am still a woman though, and one who is attracted to women. If I've internalized the twin ideas that I am both a disgusting abomination and a sexual object, how do I reconcile that existence? By approval seeking. By craving affirmation as to my worth as an object of sexual desire. Because even if I rationally know that I have worth for my mind, for who I am... I still feel that insecurity.

linux isn't harder you were just taught to use windows (windows is actually way more complicated once you know both. source I do)

linux has graphical applications for settings and installing stuff and whatever, you don't need to input commands if you don't want to

inputting commands isn't "coding" you just copy and paste 4 words that mean "run as administrator and install [program]"

and if you really do use a program that doesn't have a linux version or wine looks too complicated, that's okay!! just instead of going "NEVER!!" and playing into the Microsoft propaganda, considering saying:

I wish more developers would make their programs compatible with linux

Linux looks really cool, I'm just stuck because of [program] at the moment

fuck you Nvidia for making this harder than it needs to be

Woah that girl is really pretty

I wish that was me 😵‍💫

Oh, but had the artisan who made me created me instead – a worthy woman... ...I would say "how lucky am I"

Father in heaven who did miracles for our ancestors with fire and water... ...Who would then transform me from a man to woman? Were I only to have merited this being so graced by goodness...

What shall I say? why cry or be bitter? If my father in heaven has decreed upon me and has maimed me with an immutable deformity then I do not wish to remove it. the sorrow of the impossible is a human pain that nothing will cure and for which no comfort can be found. So, I will bear and suffer until I die and wither in the ground. Since I have learned from our tradition that we bless both, the good and the bitter I will bless in a voice hushed and weak: blessed are you [HaShem] who has not made me a woman.

a while later, the next party, people joke about the collar a little more knowingly, or they just look meaningfully at it like you can't see them. this time when she hooks her finger through the loop she drags you up the stairs into the spare bedroom. you're pretty sure you stayed quiet enough they couldn't hear you over the music. afterward she brings you back down to the party, not exactly like nothing happened, but like she wants them to know. they look at you oddly.

weeks later it's the same but you don't make it up the stairs, she takes you into the bathroom. she's never gentle but this time it's like she's trying to shock your system. it's ok. you drift away a little. you let her. you're good at letting her. the sound of the party brings you back when the door opens. your friend -- her friend -- the hostess, looks appraisingly at what she's doing to you and they talk for a second. you don't register the words. the door opens again. and stays open.