fate is a funny thing
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@authoratheart
fate is a funny thing

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I told you not to contact me again
Why would you text me knowing I'd answer?
You're so selfish
dependency is a curse
i promised you I'd wait and waiting i am
oh its really over

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i still feel bad accepting the fact that you hurt me
I feel guilty calling you an abuser, or anything of the sort
i defend you with my entire soul even though all i remember from the relationship was waking up with bruises and flinching when someone raised their hands around me
i forgive you
i wait and i wait and i wait but in the end it never matters because you're never coming back
Can I ever wash myself clean of the sins committed around me?
?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING
YOU ALL WANT ME DEAD

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everytime i miss you i feel disappointed in myself
it all seemed very mundane. but now, i certainly miss it.
i hate myself so much
everytime i miss you i feel disappointed in myself
the universe is sending us signs and we both know it. i try my hardest to ignore them but I'll never stop thinking about you,, I don't think I'll ever have what we had back. I lie about missing you and i lie about hating you, i lie about feeling nothing for you at all and i lie about never wanting you back. I hope one day i move on and i hope i haunt you forever

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diary entry - march 2nd 2026
Sometimes i feel like i pretend to feel things that i don't really feel, like I'm putting on a performance of who i should be. But i know my love for you is real. I feel it so deeply in my bones. It stems from my heart and runs along my body, leaking into my veins and consuming my entire being. I loved you
I couldn't sleep if we weren't together. I'd have dreams of you leaving me if you weren't right next to me. Even in the depths of my insomnia, i still slept constantly with you. I miss you