authentikelly

A peek into my bag. [28.12.2025]

Soul-connect.

2:35am , sunday nov 30 2025.

I [can't] don't have you in the ways that i want to... It may sound a way but i mean that in the purest way possible. We dont spend nearly enough time together as i would want us to -  i am teaching myself to overstand that it just may not be the time and season for that right now but at the same time my heart and soul yearnsss and is yearning for so much more YOU... more time. more reasoning. more stories. more hugs. more experiences.

you are the only woman I have truly felt at home with. When i am before you it is not the 20 something year old who is already a womban, already a wife, already a mother...with you i am the child who needed to be held in this way for soooooo long. It is my child self that you are healing and dealing with and she needs you more. 

I feel like you are everything I have ever needed in someone, in a friend, in a woman, in a mother. Yet we can go from having the bestest moments to you being dangled right infront of my face but just out of my reach and it hurts. It takes me back to the time of being a child and confused about how everyone had a mother except me, how she was always right there but never MY mother, how she could just leave me here, with him and go on to live like i dont exist? Like there wasn't a time where I was the person who lived closest to her heart. I innerstand so much more now but it still hurts...

I know this is not your burden to bear so I put these feelings and emotions aside, keep my smile on and just pretend like I’m doing just fine. I wouldn't want to mess this up again and maybe I prefer the little scattered bits of moments we get to share than none at all so i will be alright.