Augustine

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

a lonely black cat with trust issues

(who has to learn that sometimes it's okay to accept help)

a kind capybara that's happy to share in its luck

(who portrays how even the most steady presence in your life might need a hand once in a while)

a good dog that just wants to be friends

(who has to learn that sometimes making real friends means learning how not to follow bad ones)

a heroic secretarybird that faces bullies for a stranger

(who shows how sometimes constantly fighting for the right thing can leave one exhausted to the bone)

and a kleptomaniac lemur that just wants to stare at its reflection

Today is my dad’s birthday. He would have been 74, but he died from lung cancer that spread to his brain in 2011. He was 61, I was 24. I still miss him terribly, even after all these years.

So because I’m currently deep in the RWRB rabbit hole, and I knew this day was coming up (and actually, this entire time of year reminds me of my dad, which is probably a big part of the reason my anxiety flares up around now every year), I’ve been thinking a lot about this specific section of the book.

It so perfectly encapsulates the feeling of grief and loss and the truly unknowable pain of losing a parent, especially at a young age. I was a little older than book Henry when I lost my dad, but movie Henry would have been right around the same age. Part of me wishes we’d gotten more than the few brief mentions of Henry’s grief/depression in the movie, but I do completely understand why we didn’t and honestly, I’m not sure I could have handled more with Nick’s ridiculously sad eyes. But anyway…

I don’t know if I’ve ever gone into detail here about why I connect so strongly with Henry’s character. There are a bunch of ways we are similar in temperament and our interests (music/writing/preferring to be anonymous/feeling too much “heart outside of our body”), but the understanding of this kind of grief is something that hits very deeply for me. And this specific scene, the way Bea is explaining it to Alex, and Alex is taking it in and his response is to say “I love him on purpose.” I don’t think I can properly express how SEEN this makes me feel. I’ve spent a lot of time saying how much of a Henry girl I am, because I’m LIKE him in so many ways and therefore my natural instinct is to have overflowing empathy for him because I very deeply understand his pain. But Alex? Alex I LOVE for how he CHOOSES to love Henry, not despite of this sadness inside him, but BECAUSE of it. And I feel like I should say that clearly because this story is so important to me because of the HOPE it gives me. That maybe someone out there can love me for that same sadness that will always be there. I am Henry and I can only pray that I can find my Alex.

Anyway, I’m obviously deep in my feels today and it’s probably really good I have a therapy appointment in a little bit because I’m a bit of a wreck right now lol. But I just wanted to put this out there, both for myself as a way of processing some things and maybe, in case anyone else can relate to something I’ve said here and can find a bit of comfort in it as well.

Festive boyfriends 🌲✨

Grandpa’s been real into yoga lately…

Didn’t Tamlin also have nightmares? He suffered too and did everything he could to save her. It’s literally stated in the book that he slept at the end of the bed in his beast form to protect them from intruders. He threw himself into his job to ensure their safety as much as possible. Feyre and her tendency to put herself in harms way regardless of what it may do to everyone who cares about her didn’t help.

Trauma can cause people to close up and focus on what happened to them. Both Feyre and Tamlin did this. But only Tamlin gets called out for not doing enough to help Feyre. He’s painted as a horrible monster who doesn’t care while she can ignore everyone else’s feelings. And no it doesn’t count to reach out once them back off when things get too difficult.

Generally you unbutton and re-button a suit coat when you sit down and stand up.

You’re supposed to hold wine or champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming up the liquid inside. A character out of their depth might hold the glass around the sides instead.

When rich/important people forget your name and they’re drunk, they usually just tell you that they don’t remember or completely skip over any opportunity to use your name so they don’t look silly.

A good way to indicate you don’t want to shake someone’s hand at an event is to hold a drink in your right hand (and if you’re a woman, a purse in the other so you definitely can’t shift the glass to another hand and then shake)

Americans who still kiss cheeks as a welcome generally don’t press lips to cheeks, it’s more of a touch of cheek to cheek or even a hover (these days, mostly to avoid smudging a woman’s makeup)

The distinctions between dress codes (black tie, cocktail, etc) are very intricate but obvious to those who know how to look. If you wear a short skirt to a black tie event for example, people would clock that instantly even if the dress itself was very formal. Same thing goes for certain articles of men’s clothing.

Open bars / cash bars at events usually carry limited options. They’re meant to serve lots of people very quickly, so nobody is getting a cosmo or a Manhattan etc.