despierta. no es real.

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

You guys ever see a DNI that makes you break out into laughter and almost cry

i hate that when you try and look up shit for writing purposes it starts linking suicide hotlines and addiction advice articles like bro i just wanna know the information im not killing myself i promise. now tell me what i wanna know

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE

why are lemons separate from food op?

everyone knows lemons arent food

lemon stealing whores are a huge issue separate from food stealing whores. there’s a whole documentary about whores stealing lemons from the trees of unsuspecting victims. you can see the first two minutes of it here.

Thats a rickroll. That totally is a fucking rickroll. No fukin way. Not falling for it.

dude, trust me, that isn’t a rick roll. its something worse

…I really don’t know what I was expecting.

What the fuck did i just watch.

It- it’s not a Rick roll

Have we really reached a time when the Lemon Stealing Whores are no longer common knowledge.

you ever just hand things to ur pet to sniff so they can feel included

I'm very tired and briefly considered the possibility that British people enjoy a weird delicacy called "mozzarella lemonade"

get a load of this guy who's never had mozzarella lemonade

In my twisted mind mozzarella lemonade looks like boba tea but with mini mozzarella balls instead of tapioca pearls. Btw.

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

Can we stop with the character development. Where's my beach episode.

love wearing all black in public i hope no large gaseous heat emitting orb in the sky comes along and makes my day worse