I know it's more nuanced than this but I think having a hard policy of thinking anyone who genuinely hates one group of queer people for their identity might as well hate all of us and thus I should block any queerphobic queer person I see can do a lot to save you from believing anything exclusionists say.
"bomb that kills all-" "I just don't get bi women bringing their-" "pansexuality isn't a real thing-" "all lesbians-" "trans men really are the men of the-" "theyfabs-" "pfft aroace people are cringe-" "nonbinary people are actually all-" Instant block. Goodbye. Not listening. It's for both solidarity with your fellow queers AND to protect yourself, because once a person is convinced to hate one group for their immutable traits they can be convinced fairly easily to hate another too, and thus I do not trust them.
Just block these people the second they pop up, they aren't your allies and nothing they have to say is worth listening to.
These types will often try to guilt you into defaulting to their judgement by citing their own identities but that's bullshit. You can, should, and must completely ignore them. A bigot is a bigot, and if you wouldn't listen to a cishetperisex one then you shouldn't listen to a queer one either.
There is no queer identity that gives you the right to blanket hate another queer identity, it's just bigotry, and there'a also no amount of suffering or injustice you can go through that makes it okay for you to be a bigot.
I expect my non-queer allies to have enough of an understanding of queer theory and politics to know a queer person saying "you have to listen to me because I'm x identity, and I say it's perfectly fine for me to hate everyone who is y and use slurs against them, and if you disagree you're the bigot, actually bcs the suffering I've dealt with means it's wrong to hold me responsible for any harm I might do to other queer people" is someone who should be ignored.
Identity means nothing when what they're saying is indistinguishable from the garbage that comes out of the mouths of republicans.
I think if you wanna be a good ally you have to actually independently study queer theory from multiple sources and develop a personal political framework to draw on when you're confused or someone's being hateful. But y'all don't, you just repeat what the last queer person you spoke to said and pretend it's the same thing or giddily start being bigoted yourself and pretending it's okay because you're defending trans women or lesbians or whatever but idk as a trans person if someone was defending me by being bigoted, I'd hate them.
Listening to any queer person who's being bigoted and pretending it's praxis is like listening to a female republican politician about women's rights because you believe in "listening to women" and then started kicking the shit out of black and trans women. Would you listen to a physically disabled person who thinks everyone with mental illness should be put in a work camp? No? Then queer bigots should be treated the same. And I cannot stress enough the kind of rhetoric I'm referencing is quite literally that nakedly hateful and they STILL refuse to see it bcs they're too scared to be bigoted to see that they're already being bigoted.
Sorry , been ranting for a while now, I've just been mulling this over and finally figured out the core of the issue, I do not trust anyone who hears a bigot speak hate and decides it's okay and they're right and it has made me so incredibly angry I can barely contain it because it REALLY is that simple. I really have to live my life constantly confronting the reality that so fucking many queer "allies" are too fucking lazy?? I guess?? to think for themselves and recognize bigotry when it's in front of them, and they will gleefully enact violence against aro ace people or trans men or enbies or intersex people bcs a trans person who writes well convinced them it's how to be a good person. And there's basically nothing I can do about this shit happening every two years with a new group of marginalized people.
This really does prove that a concerning amount of progressives don't think bigotry is wrong, just impolite, and they have no qualms about being a horrible evil shithead if some asshole told them it was okay and they don't feel the need to learn enough theory and history to be able to tell the asshole is lying and bigotry is wrong even when directed at someone shitty because they, as much as the right, confuse their feelings for facts and prefer when things are black and white and give them an innocent person to harass.
They think "I'm a good person and I always have been, so I just innately know what's right and wrong and don't need to actually have a real political framwork bcs that's boring and I'd rather just go beat the shit out of a marginalized person like I've always wanted to" and it's disgusting. And why I hate when people respond to "what radicalized you" with "um...I just knew what was right bcs it's obvious" like okay well! That's not true!! Your ignorance of any real theory or education in favor of just knowing is immature and why SO FUCKING MANY of you fall for hate movements pretending to be progressive.
With allies like these...
Wanted to add the issue isn't with people acknowledging trans men are men because they are—and I just cut the sentence too early because I thought everyone knew what I was talkikg about—but they aren't CIS men and the kind of sentence I was referring to was "trans men really are the men of the queer community because they're all transmisogynistic predatory birthday boy theyfabs who can't be trusted because they get gender euphoria from harming trans AND cis women and always detransition into safety when they're done ruining things for trans women" which is bonkers transphobic, not "trans men are really men" which is true. I should have phrased it better, again, I kinda assumed people would know what I meant, but trans men are men, they just aren't *cis* men, and that does mean treating them like shit bcs you treat cis men like shit is feminist praxis is actually blatant anti-feminist transphobia, makes you a transphobe, and you need to shut the fuck up and go read some books and spend a bit of open-minded time in any queer spaces you have access to.
Also it's fine to talk about a demographic having shitty people who do harm—I have so many critiques about how common biphobia is in lesbain spaces, don't get me started on how misogynistic and biphobic everyone's favorite spphic girl power song 'Good Luck, Babe' is—every identity group has horrid people in it, but you cannot have a trans man/masc, enby, aro and/or ace, bi/pan/omni/poly, polyam, trans fem/woman, or intersex person, mistreat you and then decide ALL trans men/mascs, enbies, multisexual, polyam, aro and/or ace people, trans fem/women, transhet, and intersex people are your fucking oppressors because they aren't, you're letting suffering turn you into a the very same kind of people who make your life hell and pretend that doesn't make you a shithead who should be ignored. until you grow up.
(Also huge side note but to be fair, 'Good Luck, Babe' isn't the only biphobic shit that gets spread uncritically. I say this with love as someone tmasc as I love trans men and mascs and never would have figured myself out without you.....buuuuuut y'all talking about cis bi men should probably reconsider statements like "I don't feel comfortable dating cis bi men anymore because they're always chasers who want to detransition you" bcs it's the tmasc equivalent of a lesbian(cis or trans) saying she refuses to date bi women because they "always leave you for a man" and neither are okay.
You don't have to date anyone for any reason, but I've seen even trans women say they "refuse to date trans men bcs [equating an identity with individual bigoted behavior] and that does not make me a bigot!!" and that's what some of you sound like. This behavior is not unique to bisexuals or cis men, ANY queer person can abuse and detransition you including OTHER TRANS PEOPLE!! And as a bi transmasc in a relationship with a cis bi man, if y'all could maybe not make it sound like I'm doomed to be abused when discussing chasers that it'd be great. I'm tmasc and I date bi cis men, don't lump me in with your bs "trans guys aren't comfortable dating cis bi men for their own safety" it's not praxis, it's biphobic, and untrue. I do not feel that way.
Just...please consider how bi trans men/mascs feel hearing you associating their sexual identity with shitty people who hate them, and please also consider how me saying "I don't date lesbians because of how biphobic they tend to be" would correctly be taken as lesbophobic even if some lesbians are insanely biphobic. I'm a bi man and a bi woman and I am sick of both of these. If you're gonna talk about this word it better or at least do it where bi people can't see. Thanks.)
Anyway, all that to say, if you hear a queer person say shit about any queer demographics AS A WHOLEA rather than criticizing a small portion or just the person that hurt them, you can ignore them. You can just fucking ignore them. Do no listen to them!
Bigotry is never okay, no matter what.
