Uncertain and Undefined

*adopts 420 children* haha raise it

don’t you mean blaze it? 

NO YOU DON’T BLAZE 420 CHILDREN THAT’S WRONG

Better stockpile old nature documentaries so you can show your future kids what Earth was like before we destroyed it.

i swear every time i see this it’s just a little more deep-fried

Um excuse you who gave you the right to post my daily schedule

Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon

tonight we will eat at state violence

your 12th emoji is how you'll die

remember when we all watched icarly and life was easier

The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”