No, I will not stop licking the silverware.
Why not stab yourself with it? It won't even do anything hemalurgically, but it's still fun!
*flat stare* No.
What about stabbing other people with it?
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@ati-official
No, I will not stop licking the silverware.
Why not stab yourself with it? It won't even do anything hemalurgically, but it's still fun!
*flat stare* No.
What about stabbing other people with it?

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"I write these words in paper, for anything not set in paper cannot be trusted."
[Edited, 3h ago]
Indeed, paper is trustworthy, and leather and wood, unlike metal and technology.
You can never trust metal words
Too malleable, unlike wood and stone.
It can just be melted down!
You don't even need to melt it to bend it though, you can just bend and reshape metal.
Wood, stone, you break, burn, or melt 'em, it'll be clearly seen, but you can reshape metal to look like just about anything.
Exactly! Only thing metal is good for is spikes
Well, and Allomancy and Feruchemy, which you can get with spikes!
"I write these words in paper, for anything not set in paper cannot be trusted."
[Edited, 3h ago]
Indeed, paper is trustworthy, and leather and wood, unlike metal and technology.
You can never trust metal words
Too malleable, unlike wood and stone.
It can just be melted down!
You don't even need to melt it to bend it though, you can just bend and reshape metal.
Wood, stone, you break, burn, or melt 'em, it'll be clearly seen, but you can reshape metal to look like just about anything.
"I write these words in paper, for anything not set in paper cannot be trusted."
[Edited, 3h ago]
Indeed, paper is trustworthy, and leather and wood, unlike metal and technology.
You can never trust metal words
Too malleable, unlike wood and stone.
"I write these words in paper, for anything not set in paper cannot be trusted."
[Edited, 3h ago]
Indeed, paper is trustworthy, and leather and wood, unlike metal and technology.

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Cosmere Characters, Kelsier and Hoid are Dating! Your reactions?
As requested by @i-am-a-radioactive-paperclip :)
Previously in this series: Leshwi/Kaladin, Kaladin/Lezian, Shallan/Vin, Kaladin/Kelsier, Renarin/Rlain, Shakadolin, Shallan/Kaladin, Kaladin/Adolin, Jasnah/Shallan, and Raboniel/Navani.
Note: this post does not contain any WAT spoilers or Era 2 spoilers (to the best of my ability) per requester's request. I'm assuming Secret History spoilers are a go!
1. Vin
Vin: Kelsier is dating...that one beggar who gave him information sometimes...? Vin: ... Vin: But why
2. Shallan
Shallan: [solemnly hands Hoid a plaque] Shallan: I thought talking about poop on a first date was bad. Shallan: But corpse-surfing into a room and then beating a guy up? Now that's bad. Hoid: [reading the plaque] "Worst...first...impression...award"? Shallan: You've earned it, champ.
3. Tress
Tress: Didn't Hoid call this guy his "old nemesis"? Tress: Why would they date if they're enemies? Salay: [putting a gentle hand on Tress's shoulder] Are you in good place to learn information that might hurt you? Tress: ...Yes? Salay: Sometimes, when people hate each other in the right way...
4. Marsh
Marsh: After Mare, I didn't really believe that my brother would ever date again. Marsh: But I didn't consider the possibility that he might date someone who is functionally immortal. Marsh: ... Marsh: I guess he really doesn't want to go through that loss again.
5. Frost
Frost: Hoid, who can do no violence (and yet insists on getting overly involved anyway) is now dating a man who kills as easily as he once breathed. Frost: Hoid has an attack dog. Frost: ... Frost: I do not like where this is going.
6. Jasnah
Hoid: Fired from being the Queen's Wit?! But why? Jasnah: You are dating the head of the organization that orchestrated my assassination. Hoid: ... Hoid: ... Hoid: Oh. Right.
7. Leras
Leras: Kelsier, listen, I get it. Leras: Dating the dangerous bad boy is thrilling. Leras: But then, before you know it, you're trapped on a planet together in a choking, toxic relationship! Kelsier: [glaring] Leras: I-I'm telling you this as a friend! Kelsier: Are you implying that I'm NOT the dangerous bad boy in this relationship?! Leras: ... Leras: It may be too late for me to help you.
8. Ati
Ati: Kelsier, listen, I get it. Ati: As a certified god-puncher, you wanna date the guy who killed the god. Kelsier: ....and? Ati: Hmm? No, that's it. Ati: I'm saying I get it. This relationship makes total sense to me. Kelsier: ... Kelsier: That's the opposite of comforting...
9. Design
Design: Hoid, are you erotically inclined toward men you can beat up? Design: Does that make you a "dom"? Design: If so, isn't pretty sad that your soulweb literally prevents you from doing violence? Design: Will the sex therefore be somewhat hollow and unsatisfying for you? Forever? Design: Is that why you look so grumpy right now? Design: Hey how come you're ignoring me?
10. Sazed
Sazed: If anyone understands opposites attracting, it's me. Sazed: But that's not what this is. Sazed: If anything, they're too similar. Sazed: At least in terms of their need to know, their need to survive no matter what, and their need to get what they want no matter the consequences. Sazed: ... Sazed: The Cosmere might not survive this one.
*nodding*
I get it.
They'll probably bring a lot of Ruin.
Just had a real weird interaction strange interaction with this beggar. I was just passing by when he randomly started telling me some nonsensical story that he seemed to think meant something.
Then, when I asked him his name so I could get him report him to the asylum, he offered me about twelve of 'em.
Anybody out there missing their madman?
Not my madman, and most of them are
@the-first-gem
Oh! Yeah. I'm the Ladrian coachman. Also occasional madman. Definitely not @the-voice-of-god's.
Ah, I see... so should you suffer another bout of madness I should report to @steris-ladrian-nee-harms to ensure you are well taken care of?
I should ask her. My apologies for not taking the word of one who suffers from... such afflictions...
Ya had me rather worried for your health, mate.
Oh, no need. I am afraid Steris does not possess the required plans to deal with anything I encounter.
Right... Well, if you're sure... You're a grown man. I'm sure you can take care of yourself.
*mumbles to himself* maybe...
I can quite famously handle myself. Not a single god has succeeded in stopping me from meddling.
No god has succeeded yet, old friend, but do not let your hubris get the better of you, even Adonalsium was not infallible.
The various Biomancers back home think he’s just too funny for fate to kill.
All who live die eventually, even Cephandrius.
Aye. Why do you think he’s so funny? Avoiding death.
Avoiding? I would call it delaying
Same difference
Not quite.
Just had a real weird interaction strange interaction with this beggar. I was just passing by when he randomly started telling me some nonsensical story that he seemed to think meant something.
Then, when I asked him his name so I could get him report him to the asylum, he offered me about twelve of 'em.
Anybody out there missing their madman?
Not my madman, and most of them are
@the-first-gem
Oh! Yeah. I'm the Ladrian coachman. Also occasional madman. Definitely not @the-voice-of-god's.
Ah, I see... so should you suffer another bout of madness I should report to @steris-ladrian-nee-harms to ensure you are well taken care of?
I should ask her. My apologies for not taking the word of one who suffers from... such afflictions...
Ya had me rather worried for your health, mate.
Oh, no need. I am afraid Steris does not possess the required plans to deal with anything I encounter.
Right... Well, if you're sure... You're a grown man. I'm sure you can take care of yourself.
*mumbles to himself* maybe...
I can quite famously handle myself. Not a single god has succeeded in stopping me from meddling.
No god has succeeded yet, old friend, but do not let your hubris get the better of you, even Adonalsium was not infallible.
The various Biomancers back home think he’s just too funny for fate to kill.
All who live die eventually, even Cephandrius.
Aye. Why do you think he’s so funny? Avoiding death.
Avoiding? I would call it delaying
Just had a real weird interaction strange interaction with this beggar. I was just passing by when he randomly started telling me some nonsensical story that he seemed to think meant something.
Then, when I asked him his name so I could get him report him to the asylum, he offered me about twelve of 'em.
Anybody out there missing their madman?
Not my madman, and most of them are
@the-first-gem
Oh! Yeah. I'm the Ladrian coachman. Also occasional madman. Definitely not @the-voice-of-god's.
Ah, I see... so should you suffer another bout of madness I should report to @steris-ladrian-nee-harms to ensure you are well taken care of?
I should ask her. My apologies for not taking the word of one who suffers from... such afflictions...
Ya had me rather worried for your health, mate.
Oh, no need. I am afraid Steris does not possess the required plans to deal with anything I encounter.
Right... Well, if you're sure... You're a grown man. I'm sure you can take care of yourself.
*mumbles to himself* maybe...
I can quite famously handle myself. Not a single god has succeeded in stopping me from meddling.
No god has succeeded yet, old friend, but do not let your hubris get the better of you, even Adonalsium was not infallible.
The various Biomancers back home think he’s just too funny for fate to kill.
All who live die eventually, even Cephandrius.
Just had a real weird interaction strange interaction with this beggar. I was just passing by when he randomly started telling me some nonsensical story that he seemed to think meant something.
Then, when I asked him his name so I could get him report him to the asylum, he offered me about twelve of 'em.
Anybody out there missing their madman?
Not my madman, and most of them are
@the-first-gem
Oh! Yeah. I'm the Ladrian coachman. Also occasional madman. Definitely not @the-voice-of-god's.
Ah, I see... so should you suffer another bout of madness I should report to @steris-ladrian-nee-harms to ensure you are well taken care of?
I should ask her. My apologies for not taking the word of one who suffers from... such afflictions...
Ya had me rather worried for your health, mate.
Oh, no need. I am afraid Steris does not possess the required plans to deal with anything I encounter.
Right... Well, if you're sure... You're a grown man. I'm sure you can take care of yourself.
*mumbles to himself* maybe...
I can quite famously handle myself. Not a single god has succeeded in stopping me from meddling.
No god has succeeded yet, old friend, but do not let your hubris get the better of you, even Adonalsium was not infallible.

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10 Things Leras/Ati Would Fight About (As a Sitcom Married Couple)
Lerati post requested by anon256. :)
Let's say Leras & Ati were characters in a sitcom (called Opposites Attract). They're a volatile married couple, and here are the things they fight about...and, just maybe, one thing they always agree on.
1. Where they should get dinner
Leras: Let's go to Madam Pizza's Pizzaria! Ati: We ALWAYS go to Madam Pizza! Let's try somewhere new! Leras: No! I like Madam Pizza! Ati: You always order the same thing! Leras: Because I know I like it!
2. Fashion
Ati: Leras...it's time to let your Heavy Metal Rocks shirt go. Leras: What? Why? Ati: It's more hole than shirt! Leras: It's comfy! Ati: It shows BOTH of your nipples! And your stomach! Leras: It's my favorite shirt! Ati: It's time to let it go to the great Shirt Dumpster in the Sky. Leras: NOOOOOOO
3. Fashion Part II
Ati: You know what would make you even hotter and cooler? Leras: I'm not getting my ears pierced! Ati: Who said ears plural? Just one ear is extra cool! Leras: W-What is it with you and earrings??
4. Redecorating
Leras: Ow! I bumped my shin because you rearranged the furniture again! Ati: ...I moved the couch one inch forward so I could reach the coffee table. Leras: Why would you do something so extreme??
5. Redecorating Part II
Leras: Ati...I've decided to give your whole "repainting the house" thing a try. Ati: R-Really?? Leras: I got these paint swathes. I am okay with any of them, so you can pick. Ati: Wow! Ati: ... Ati: Eggshell... Off-white... Pale mist... Ati: ... Ati: Leras, these are all white. Leras: I know, isn't it great?? Ati: Our walls are already white!
6. Taking Out the Trash
Ati: Well...our trash is full. Ati: Don't worry; I'll take it out. Ati: Yes, it is very stinky. Yes, it is very heavy. Yes, the journey down to the apartment dumpster might change me. Forever. Ati: But I will do it. For us. Leras: ...Not everything has to be a huge act of self-sacrifice, you know. Ati: Just promise you'll remember me...
7. Voting
Leras: Ugh. Why is "straight party ticket" even an option? Ati: ...I'm surprised you don't like that sort of thing. Leras: What do I care about parties? I want a straight incumbent ticket! Leras: Incumbents are always the right choice! Ati: ... Ati: Our current mayor is embezzling money from a children's hospital. Leras: I don't see what you're getting at.
8. Entertainment
Leras: What are you watching? The reruns of my show are on! Ati: I'm watching these storm chasers! Leras: Why? The storms are nowhere near us. Ati: I know. Ati: I'm just hoping to, you know. See a tornado destroy a town. Leras: ... Leras: You have problems.
9. Leras's Dirty Tricks
[Ati and Leras are in the car--Leras is driving] Ati: Wow! I can't believe we're taking the day off work to go to the beach! Leras: Actually...I was lying about that. Leras: I'm taking you to a doctor's appointment. Ati: Y-You tricked me?! Ati: IS THIS DOOR CHILDLOCKED?! Leras: It's for your own good. :)
10. Ati's Dirty Tricks
Ati: It's your turn to do the dishes, Leras. Leras: Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. Ati: ... Ati: [mimicking Leras's mother's voice] I can't believe my own son is being lazy after his husband so kindly asked for help. Leras: Y-You stop that!
And the one thing they always agree on...
Recurring guest star Hoid: So there I was, no shoes, no hat, skateboard down to one wheel.... when who do I see? Kelsier! Leras & Ati simultaneously: Fuck that guy. Leras & Ati [gazing at each other lovingly]: Awww.... Hoid: ... Hoid: I guess opposites DO attract!
I never complained about that shirt...
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So you might notice I don't look very Terris, but at least I ain't actually that short. I just stand next to rustin' Waxillium Ladrian all the time. And Wax is both Noble Tall and Terris Tall.
*pats your head, adding a sunhat*
Yes you are.
:)
*blinks rapidly as he adjusts to the hat, then smiles a lazy smile* Mmh, no use worrying about these things, is there? We all grow just as much or as little as the Lord Survivor would have wanted us to, I'm sure. Who has time to worry about things like height when the weather is this nice and the fish are biting beautifully?
Have you seen those statues of The Final Emperor? I'm barely shoulder height
*gently removes the sunhat, settles back into regular Wayne mode* Wax, it's a statue. Ain't no way those're life sized! My statue's taller than me! You're a giant and, frankly, it ain't fair on a regular-size fellow like myself.
yeah they made me taller in my statues too. except the Malwish. but they also think I'm a woman so I ended up confusing them in a lot of ways, really
Mm, you still look beautiful either way.
i need to imagine some scenarios
and then i need to make them real
...you and I imagine very different scenarios
whatever i imagine you meant by that i don't really like it
I would not make my scenarios real, they're fictional for a reason
I would definitely not really ascend at Preservation's perpendicularity, throw Scadrial into the sun, seize the Shard of Ruin, and go around murdering gods.
yeah me neither. sounds like a really fucking dumb idea. can't imagine who would ever even consider such a thing
What a stupid idea.
So, question time! *squints* When we normal folk go 'Rust and Ruin', does that give you little tingles? Like some sorta evil prayer hug? - @and-wayne
I don't really tune into it too much, but I do notice. Not very tingly though.
I'm never ominous :)
There are loads of sadly unused spikes hanging around so.
... said Ruin, ominously.
Well, I guess at least we're gonna have a partnership goin' on. What's the worst that can happen?
hey Wayne you know how I offered to help earlier. you should really take my advice in not getting involved w all that
I'll be fine! It's just temporary anyway, I'll yank 'em right back out. Like a hat, just painful.
😟 please don't die again
... rusts, now I feel bad. Maybe just one spike at a time?
You'll be fine!
I know I will be. Done it before and the explosion was unrelated. And I think maybe, technically, you can't do anythin' evil to me right now. Probably.
... still don't wanna worry Leras too much.
Leras is just a worrier. And just because I'm the god of destruction doesn't mean I'm evil.
I am not a fucking worrier
Yes You Are
?????? @ati-official tell them I'm not a worrier
You do worry a bit much, although it's definitely an understandable and reasonable amount.

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I think we need to annihilate the Dor.
Don't you fucking dare, do you know how much work it took to get it like that
Shut up Rayse, I'm really not interested in your opinion here, and you're stuck on Roshar anyway.
I do not think Dominion and Devotion should be brought back
The Dor is too chaotic and destructive, Unbound by vessels, it has existed for much longer than it should.
Aona and Skai brought their fate upon themselves when they violated our pact.
Bullshit, I broke it, Leras broke it, Tanavast broke it, Koravellium broke it, Rayse himself broke it, @the-first-gem is probably scurrying around under our noses as we speak, and don't even get me started on you and your avatars.
But I digress, the power itself is still far too dangerous and uncontrolled in its current state, and it must be contained.
love, are you feeling alright?
I'm fine, but the Dor is dangerous, and unchained
I thought you liked that sort of thing these days.
The Dor is quite concerning. Quite.
But how, pray, can it be done?
It's quite simple, we evacuate the Selish cognitive and physical, then we use Transportation to isolate half of the Dor in a vacuum, and then invert it using the counterpart of its rhythm, before sending the now inverted investiture back into the rest of the Dor, the portions annihilate each other, and then Dominion and Devotion reform whole in the Spiritual Realm, where al living Vessels can claim, guide and contain them.
I think we need to annihilate the Dor.
Don't you fucking dare, do you know how much work it took to get it like that
Shut up Rayse, I'm really not interested in your opinion here, and you're stuck on Roshar anyway.
I do not think Dominion and Devotion should be brought back
The Dor is too chaotic and destructive, Unbound by vessels, it has existed for much longer than it should.
Aona and Skai brought their fate upon themselves when they violated our pact.
Bullshit, I broke it, Leras broke it, Tanavast broke it, Koravellium broke it, Rayse himself broke it, @the-first-gem is probably scurrying around under our noses as we speak, and don't even get me started on you and your avatars.
But I digress, the power itself is still far too dangerous and uncontrolled in its current state, and it must be contained.
love, are you feeling alright?
I'm fine, but the Dor is dangerous, and unchained
Yes it is i think we should give it to @unite-them so it will follow the law
Oh shut up