Soichiro: Well, Asselin, I made it. Despite your directions.
Asselin: Ah, Soichiro! I hope you're ready for an unforgettable luncheon!
[Asselin goes into the kitchen and sees his oven is on fire, opens it quickly]
Asselin: Oh Gods, my roast! It's ruined! ...But, what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Asselin~
[Asselin begins to crawl out the window, Soichiro walks in on him]
Asselin: Soichiro! I was just, uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise, care to join me?
Soichiro: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Asselin?
Asselin: That isn't smoke, it's steam. From the steamed clams we're having. Mmm, steamed clams!
[Soichiro walks back into the dining room, Asselin quickly gets fast food then joins him]
Asselin: Soichiro, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
Soichiro: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Asselin: Oh no, I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers.
Soichiro: You call hamburgers "steamed hams"?
Asselin: Yes. It's a regional dialect.
Soichiro: Uh-huh, what region?
Asselin: Uh, upstate New York.
Soichiro: Really. Well I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams".
Asselin: No, it's an Albany expression!
Soichiro: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones at that burger place down the street.
Asselin: Oh no, these are patented Beelzebub burgers! Old family recipe.
Soichiro: For steamed hams.
Soichiro: And you call hamburgers "steamed hams" despite the fact that these are obviously grilled.
Asselin: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should…Excuse me for one second.
[Asselin goes into the kitchen, which is now in flames, and returns quickly, with the door swinging behind him]
Asselin: Well, that was wonderful! A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
Soichiro: Yes, I should be- Good Lord! What is happening in your kitchen!?
Asselin: Aurora Borealis.
Soichiro: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely in your kitchen!?
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