beep boop

jobs for women who prioritise taking it easy and chillaxing forever

some of you people are so annoying. i mean me too but good lord

Angel on my left shoulder telling me to do good. Devil on my right shoulder telling me to do bad. Rat on my head teaching me how to cook

im never serious but I always mean it

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

i am sooo pro-cheating in fiction omg wdym you want them to ethically break things up with their significant other before getting together that actively makes it less hot 🙄 like literally whats the point then 🙄 bring back UNETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY!!!!

Sometimes you gotta make yourself drink water and sit in direct sunlight, like some kind of wilted houseplant

"!!" is its own word to me

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

Me, giving a eulogy: "He's gone where the emails will never find him. Where subscription fees will not weary him, nor discourse condemn."

An imagined version of yourself living happily in an alternate universe is a kind of dead wife