astlanferuci

saw trap that tells you to cut off your own arm or the room will be flooded with nerve gas, but as soon as you do, jigsaw comes on the pa like “oh my god, you’re actually doing it. what the fuck is wrong with you? who wants to mutilate themselves like that? you’re seriously messed up. i wasn’t actually going to flood the room with nerve gas. you believed me? seriously? there’s something wrong with you. why would you think that i was going to do that? you think that little of me? i can’t be around you, you’re clearly not a healthy person if you hate me that much.”

My gf loves playing with my dick in bed because it's "like a little fidget toy"

Normal sized fidget toy

aw what the hell change my leitmotif to a minor key im not driving

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

I'm perfectly fine with people criticizing my favorite stories and frequently do it myself but can you stop being so boring about it

"This scene made me so uncomfortable" given the subject matter, it would be really, really badly written if it wasn't.

when you are eating chips you will often be like well how about one more chip? and then you will eat one more chip and be like well how about one more chip? and what do you think happens after that?

i’m on onion rings right now