status: with the fellas

18+ | She/Her They/Them

This blog isn't necessarily 18+, but I am an adult and I might reblog or create NSFW content, so please be aware of that.

Tags: Parenthood - ☆ | NSFW - ♡

Wuxia/Fake History AU

Note:...this came to me in a dream...i dont know what happened... Will have ATTEMPTS at talking about the state of women during this time period, but not accurately/done well (beware historical inaccuracy)

Empress Yu was known throughout history for her siren-like beauty, sharp-tongue, quick-wittedness, and most of all, her intense closeness to her "fellow wife," you.

You two will do everything together: take walks around the courtyard together, visit town, swim in the lake together, and even share meals and sleeping quarters together whenever you're not called in by the emperor.

She's renowned for her art skills, but instead of painting flowers or landscapes like what was expected of her, you remain her main muse. Your visage remains in museums today, dressed in the most lavish robes with your beauty outshining the flowers that frame you.

She was raised from birth to be an empress, and in court her cold and ruthless personality reflects that, but whenever the servants catch her alone with you, it's a complete 180. She's suddenly whiny and playful and pouty, doing anything to get your attention.

The court recorders have noted once where a cat slipped into a meeting and Empress Yu girlishly shrieked, jumping into your arms for dear life.

It was said that you were a low-level concubine who was recently catching the emperor's attention with your beauty, so she came over to see for herself and was instantly captivated by you.

After that, she began sharing her intricate outfits with you, gifted you things from traders faraway, and you two would spend hours "putting makeup on each other."

At first you thought she was bullying you because she would call you to her private quarters just so she could act dramatic and order you to cut her fruit, put on her lipstick, or dress her, but this is just the only way she knows how to flirt.

When you eventually get promoted from low concubine to high-level consort, during the installation ceremony, it's like the emperor was a third-wheel in his own relationship, because the entire time the empress was holding onto you, cooing at you, and feeding you by her hand.

She even arranged for her robes to match yours, while her husband's horribly clashed.

Behind closed doors, Yu calls it "our marriage" and when it's past midnight, and everyone is asleep, she snuck in the expensive wine for you two to perform jiaobeijiu, sharing deep kisses so the wine would slip between both of your lips.

Despite your closeness, the servants and other concubines would note that whenever you were chosen to spend the night with the emperor, Yu would be extremely sour and snappy with anyone, and her mood didn't improve until you would come back in the morning.

No matter how great of "sisters" you two were, they thought, it made sense the empress still would feel threatened by other women stealing her rightful husband.

But the jealously wasn't pointed at you. It was at him. How dare he, Qi Yu would think. He doesn't even love you like she does! Yu would move the ocean for you, and the world was unfair enough to not even let you two be together.

Sometimes when you're too busy with your duties, she will literally feign illness to get you to pay attention to her. Cue the "jellyfish are walking naked" line. Doesn't she literally have a empire to run 😭?

Like Canon!Rafayel, I think she would have a lot of resentment for a lot of different groups, such as the emperor, men, and the upper class, for forcing you two to be in this position where you two can't rightfully marry and be the sole person in each others' lives.

When you two are alone, she constantly talks about running away together, faking your deaths, etc. so you can live your lives and travel the world.

You have to break the news that she can barely jog across the courtyard without getting winded or complaining.

When one of you eventually fall pregnant with the emperor's child (as it is your duty as his wives), she becomes ecstatic, but she never calls them his child, she calls them her or your child. He's nowhere in the picture in her mind.

People assumed that she would see your child as competition to her own and to her standing as empress, but you both raise your children like siblings and she treats them exactly like her own. Unknown to everyone except her aunt, Tan Ling, her close friend, Tang Zhili, and your own friends, the children call you both mother in private.

Dad!Sylus x Mom!Reader

Inspired by the time Sylus told Mephie he wasn't invited during his birthday event.

"—And all of the over-the-counter medication should be on the middle shelf on the left in the kitchen pantry," you said, worriedly adjusting the black fur shawl around your shoulders, "but if she seems really sick or her temperature gets above—"

"Ehh," Luke interrupted, stretching his arms over his head lazily, "we know, Lady-Boss! You let us know every time, and we've always been dependable babysitters!"

"Let her finish her sentence," Sylus's voice came up behind you. The smell of his sharp cologne hit your senses before your sight did. Turning your head, the tall man casually stopped behind you, placing a comforting hand at the small of your back. Looking him up and down, you noticed that he was wearing a long black fur overcoat, one that matched your shawl, to brave the snowy trip to the opera house for your date night.

And without the masks, the boys were very expressive. Luke jolted at the sight of the white-haired man, smile growing tight.

Putting a hand over Sylus's, you patted it gently. "it's alright—"

"Hehe! I'm weady!" A little voice, a voice that was already tucked into bed an hour ago and who was supposed to be sleeping, suddenly came up behind the twins, causing everyone to whirl around toward the source of the sound.

With a flutter of wings and a caw, Mephiso flew out from behind her and onto Sylus's shoulder.

It was clear that after you put your daughter to bed, she climbed out and dressed herself. Being six years old, she had already started to put on her own clothes without your help "because she was a big girl now." Tonight she chose bright orange tights, her sequined tutu, and her graphic shirt with skateboarding kitties on it. She did her own hair, and one of her white ponytails was higher while the other was slowly slipping down her head. On her eyelids, she slathered on some blue eyeshadow from the non-toxic kid's play makeup kit Sylus got her.

Nearly jumping, you and Sylus looked at each other with wide eyes.

In the past few months, Sylus took you and your small family on a three-month luxury cruise. Since you two were in such a confined space or could only go on designated areas on the private islands, you two took her with you for every date night, especially so you could let the twins have their own fun on their vacation.

You knew that you had changed your baby's routine for a significant amount of time, so you two tried your best to help her readjust to life back home.

Now, since it was the first week since you two have been back, you two were strict at trying to acclimate her back to her regular bedtime, only to find that she got up and dressed up by herself for your date night!

"Mommy!" She ran up with you, and the bobbles of her hair ties knocked together. Tugging on the end of your dress, she looked up at your with large ruby eyes. "Can you spray perfume on me again before we go?"

"I—" you stuttered, looking toward her father for help.

"Aw!" Kieran kneeled beside her, but he spoke up before you could stop him. "You dolled yourself up well, Mini-Boss, and we hate to be the bearer of bad news but—" The twins started. It was only a matter of time before they had to induct her into their sad, stay-at-home group.

"Back home, you see," Luke added, "your parents' date nights are super exclusive—"

You gaped, constantly cut off by the changing voices.

"Invite-only—"

"Caw!" Mephiso interjected. Welcome to the club, the bird seemed to say.

"And your parents are major Debbie Downers," Luke said, "and won't let anyone else go with them on their super expensive night outs."

"But that's okay!" Kieran said, "because you're gonna have so much more fun with your two cool older brothers—"

"Caw!"

"And Mephie, and we're gonna eat so much junk food and watch all the movies you want, right?"

Eyebrows furrowing and mouth opening to try and interject, (You didn't want her to get indigestion or ruin her sleep!) you were cut off by large, watery eyes.

"What...?" your daughter said, looking back and forth between all of you. Such betrayal filled her face. With her eyes filling with more tears, those ruby irises of hers turned into wobblily circles. "I can't... I can't go?"

"Sylus..." you started.

"But...! But...!" her voice became more shaky. She began sniffling.

"Alright," Sylus finally spoke up, stepping forward and scooping her up into his arms. "You've had your fun." Holding her up to his eye-level, matching red eyes looked at each other. As she was about to burst like a fountain, her chubby cheeks have become rosy pink. "The twins are just messing with you," he said, rubbing his nose against hers. "Of course you're coming with us. You dressed up so well, my Omelette, I need to show your fashion sense off." Clutching him like a lifeline, your daughter held him and dug her face into his shoulder while he cooed and rocked her.

You exhaled. You didn't want to see your daughter cry of course, but you should've known that your husband was going to take the route of giving your daughter what she wanted without resistance.

"What?!" the boys shouted.

"Throwing us under the bus, Boss?!"

"This is special treatment!" the twins said in mock-anger, throwing their hands up as if in protest. "You've never let us join you, and we've been with you before you even reunited with Lady-Boss!"

"We want to unionize! Onychinus is unfair!"

"Caw! Caw!"

Huffing with amusement, your husband looked down at the three crows he seemingly raised himself.

"Fine. Come along then," he said simply before turning toward the front door and helping your daughter put on her light-up sneakers.

"Sylus," you whispered in his ear so your little daughter couldn't hear from the place in his arms. Your voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of loud cheers in the background from your rowdy boys. They quickly ran back to their rooms to grab their winter coats. "Let's just skip the opera and we can just go to dinner." You knew that your husband, the lord that he was, could easily add more people to your dinner reservation and buy as many extra seats he wanted at the show, but you two were going at a late-night showing where there was a strict no-children policy.

Without looking at you, he said, "Why? You've been looking forward to the opera rendition of Liang Zhu for a while."

"Still..." The twins and Mephiso returned, quickly trying to urge you out of the house in their excitement. "They're going to turn us away from the door: kids aren't allowed at this time."

He scoffed. "There's no need to worry."

Two pairs of matching red eyes looked at you.

Husband!Sylus x Wife!Reader

Based off this song by Sarah Vaughan that I heard while thrifting.

Notes: I saw the trailers for the new event and I was screaming!! They all look so good!!!!! I hope I have enough diamonds to get the outfits 🥹

I've never watched Casablanca (im sorry ><), so this is more like a ~historically inaccurate~ idealized suburban 1940/1950s American AU

Melissa Carter was one of the company's top-performing door-to-door saleswoman.

Not because she knocked on the most doors, much to the ire of the other girls, and not because she was the most charismatic, but rather, she was the only one brave stupid enough to be the first to knock on the largest house at the end of the cul-de-sac.

if one looked past the intimidating teenage twin boys who got the door, the lady of the Qin household was very kind and inviting.

More importantly, she was young and currently childless, meaning she was very lax with her husband's money.

Said woman was currently lounging on the plush couch in front of her. Laying on your stomach, you carelessly flipped through the catalog while Melissa spoke over the record player gently running in the corner of the living room.

"We just released this product a month ago and it's quickly becoming one of our best-sellers. A lot of the ladies are finding the hand cream to be so soothing, especially after washing the dishes." Reaching into her leather bag, she pulled out a small box with flowery designs. Dropping her voice, she said, "But before I bring out all my testers—don't tell the other neighborhood ladies this, but since you're my favorite client, I begged my bosses if I could give you this gift set, completely complimentary—"

You perked up on the couch and the sleeve of your silk robe slipped down your shoulder, revealing your slip nightgown underneath.

"Oh! Melissa, you shouldn't have!" you said, leaning closer to see what was inside.

Smiling slyly, she said, "Now, I know that you love fragrances with—"

"What's going on here?" a deep voice called behind her.

She nearly jumped out of her skin, whipping around to see a tall man standing there, languidly taking off his hat and draping it on the coat rack. She didn't hear a single peep of him coming into the house!

"Sylus!" you beamed. Immediately pushing yourself off the couch, you happily bounded over to him. "You're home early from work! You didn't tell me!" Helping him slip off his twill trench coat, you threw it over the coat rack as well before you ran to his front, assisting him in loosening his tie after a long day. "You should've told me! I didn't even pull the rollers out of my hair!"

Putting a hand around your waist, he pulled you in for a deep kiss, almost as if he was ignoring the fact that there was a stranger in his home. She turned away immediately, face flushed.

You pulled away for breath, and he would've continued chasing your lips if it weren't for your two hands against his chest.

Smirking down at you, he said, "And what a pleasure this sight is. How many men could see you with your hair perfectly done out on the street, hm? But this image of you is reserved just for me." Large hand brushing your shoulder, he straightened your robe over your body.

"Oh, you!" Pulling on his tie, you two had another kiss that practically caused cartoonish hearts to float around your head. "Still!" you were the first to pull away again, and now your red lipstick was smudged. "You should've let me know! I didn't even set out your glass of wine yet!"

"I wanted it to be a surprise," and in his hand Melissa could see a fresh bouquet from the nicest florist in town. Letting out a happy cheer, you held the flowers to your chest and quickly ran to the kitchen to get a vase.

She knew that today was a date night because she always planned strategically to see you on the day of. You were always talking about getting new items to doll up and impress your husband for these dates.

In all her months of being your sales rep, however, she had never seen your husband before. But that tall, muscular man had many rumors about him.

After all, even though on paper Sylus Qin was a regular owner of a gin bar, where you two met, everyone knew that no one could buy a house this grand by simply pushing drinks. There were many whispers around the neighborhood that he was a man of the underworld, and you were the only woman eccentric enough to tame him.

Rumor has it that he let you get higher education at your request, making you one of the first women in the city to have a degree. And now, although you were a leisurely housewife on the outside, who knew what work you did for his gin joint.

Furthermore, she could now kiss that large commission goodbye. Women always shopped far less when their husbands were in the room.

"Honey! Come here!" Pulling him over to the couch, you handed him the catalog you were previously holding. "Melissa here was just telling me about her two new products: a hand cream and a new perfume for spring. I just can't decide between the two."

She couldn't help but hold her breath as the man's dark red eyes scanned the paper, boring into it like a lawyer over a case.

"Easy," he said not mere seconds after. "Get both."

Without an second glance at the catalog, he then started to list off a dozen more, ordering almost double of what you would for something like an anniversary.

You sat with your hand clasped in his, almost exasperated, as if you expected this behavior.

Did you know how many women would be swooning, swept off their feet, if their average husband did this for them?

He bought some repeats (scents he absolutely loved on your skin) and some new, novelty items, such as a bottle shaped like a cat. Quoting him, he said it looked just like you.

She could barely keep up with writing down his order.

By the time she left—"Aw! I'm so sorry we have to cut your visit short, Melissa, but you know how it is! I have to get ready for date night!"—she was already mentally planning on how earth she would carry all these products to your house next week.

He was the only husband she had ever encountered that was more careless with his wallet than his own wife—Perhaps, she should plan her visits around the times your husband was home.

"Whatever Lola wants (Lola wants), Lola gets (Lola gets)

Take off your coat

Don't you know you can't win?

(Can't win, you'll never, never win

You're no exception to the rule

I'm irresistible, you fool

Dad!Sylus x Mom!Reader

Note: misunderstanding trope, also, this is not how it happens in real life, but this is supposed to be a crack fic sooo

"Thank you for coming to see me in such a short notice, Mr. and Mrs. Qin," your daughter's elementary school teacher said, sitting in the desk in front of you two.

"Of course!" you exclaimed, but at the sound of silence from your husband, you elbowed him slightly, only for him to return a grunt.

After a call from your daughter's teacher, you ran over as fast as you could. While you were the image of concern, your husband, unfortunately, was still in the "my daughter can do no wrong" phase, and came to the parent-teacher meeting with a sour attitude, his leather jacket, and arms crossed while he sat in the tiny chair in front of her desk.

In order to keep your daughter humble despite her father's spoiling, you had to be the strong front here.

"You see," she started out, "your daughter said something very concerning..." Her eyes darted from you to your husband.

"She isn't getting bullied, is she?" you worriedly blurted out. Your mind raced at a thoughts thoughts per minute. You didn't think you were vindictive, but if something happened to your baby, you would go scorched earth.

"What? Oh, oh no," she replied, shaking her head.

"She..." you started out slowly. "She isn't the bully...is she?" Sylus scoffed at your side, causing you to shoot him a glare that immediately shut him up.

You knew that your daughter was a very sweet girl, but you also knew that with Sylus as her father...she was used to getting her way, and with her boxing training, you knew that she could be a bit...rougher than others.

"Well—" the teacher started out while you grimaced. "She is very, very sweet with the girls in the class. She's extremely friendly with them, always sharing her school supplies and food with them, and they all seem to love her back. The boys...however..."

Sylus raised an eyebrow.

"I'll be very frank with you. She treats the boys in the class like servants. While she's very kind to the girls, she's very direct and assertive with the boys, and she has them carrying her water bottle and lunch pail, open the door, and pull out her chair for her."

Your jaw dropped—Every time you asked her how school was, she never bothered to mention this!

Sure, her dad always opened the car door for her, carried her backpack to and from pickup and drop off, and the twins called her "little boss," but you never thought she thought that was just how the world worked!

"And they let her?!" you said, aghast.

"Some of them have a crush on her, I believe—" You held Sylus from the back of his jacket once he straightened. "So I think that's why they let her boss them around. This shouldn't be encouraged. Once I saw this behavior, I pulled her aside to privately tell her that that wasn't appropriate, and she said her older brothers—"

Your jaw dropped even more. The twins?!

"Told her that if the boys in her class protested and wouldn't do her bidding anymore, like her mom to her dad, she should 'roughen them up,' 'use force,' and—I'm not even sure why she knows this phrase, and I had to decipher it when she told me because she clearly didn't know the words, she should 'whip him into submission.'"

"HUH?" you shouted, but Sylus burst out laughing beside you. Once he realized that this meeting wasn't about criticizing his sweet little dove anymore, his mood did a 180.

She was telling people you "whipped her father into submission"?! That you "roughen him up"?!

"Of course, you can see that this is highly concerning, and as a mandated reporter—"

"Sylus!" you shouted against his laughs. "Qin Che!" Oh, he knew you were serious when you pulled out his government name, but that made him lose his breath even more. "This isn't funny! Your daughter is going out there saying that I—I beat my husband or something!"

"Oh, I like it when you do though," Sylus cooed, putting his hand behind your tiny plastic chair.

"And I can't believe the twins taught her that—! Stop laughing and listen to me!"

The teacher's eyes widened when the situation became clear before her, and her face became more and more pink by the second.

"Don't worry," Sylus smirked toward the poor woman. "My wife may beat me, but," his smile grew wider as he leaned in as if he wanted to kiss you. Your head whipped around at the slander, jaw to the floor. "I let her."

Face aflame, you pushed his face back before his lips could connect with yours. In front of the teacher no less! You didn't want to make out in front of your daughter’s teacher!