AstarStruckSakuraStudent

“ Damn, they are fine!”

“Simone! Stop staring!”

“To Hell, I am! We have been in this desert for six weeks. For Six Weeks, I have had scorpions in our bunk, guns pointed in our faces, and more dead bodies laid out in front of me that I have cared to experience! To hell, I am gonna give up looking at something so damn fine!” Simone gave a hum of approval when one of the soldiers walked back into her line of sight.

“That is one fine ass! You think he’d let me bite it!”

“Simone!”

“Oh, let her be, Maria! I am.” Anna stated, turning over a piece of femur in her hands before looking back towards Simone and Maria. 

“You're telling me none of you want to look! I mean, we have seen a Decent man in like a month. Are you telling me you're not a little bit curious about what we got working with us for the next additional six weeks?”  Anna raised an eyebrow before placing the femur back down and walking over towards the hill that Simone had perched herself on.  It had been only a night, but the entire camp had gone through a rapid transformation. Gone were the university cheap tent; instead, several large and newer additions had been spread out along the site. How they still ended up with the old tent was still a mystery to their research group however. The others had managed to convince Paul that they had needed an upgrade, maybe. Anna didn’t know, but as her eyes swept across their workspace, she couldn’t help but be a bit pissed off about it. Their site was a mix of white and beige canvas hung over an array of old blankets and camper tables that the university had left. On one side of the tent lay various tools and documents, while on the other were the piles of materials and data that still needed to be collected for submission to Paul and Angela. The team leaders of this expedition. Something that also seemed to change last night. 

 Anna had noticed when she had gotten up this morning that instead of the regular green and blue of the university uniforms, an array of beige and army green now dotted the entire field. In a way, it was comforting to know that they had more people out here now. Maybe finally the local thugs and mercenaries in the area wouldn’t be as much trouble. Maybe the harassment would stop, and Hell, maybe they would finally have a chance to uncover what the hell happened to this town about 100 years ago. 

That was the hope anyway until someone pulled their funding again. 

“Where the hell are you looking at anyway that’s got you all twisted up?” Anna asked as she lay down beside Simone. Simone laughed a little before pointing towards one of the larger military tents. “Over there! The cutie on the right with the hat and scarf! The things I would let him do to me!” Maria let out a laugh. “Damn! Your horny!” She stated as her own gaze landed on the man. He was young, maybe 24 or maybe 25. “You would be too. I haven’t gotten me some dick for three whole months. Do the math on that, ladies. Your girl can usually handle a month or two, but three- then, like a dying man in the desert, you present me with this feast. Of Course, I would be painting like a bitch in heat!”

“I thought you were talking to George!” Maria asked, looking towards another cluster of tents where several of their colleagues lingered next to a cluster of crumbling sandy brown buildings. “Talking too, not fucking! Definitely not fucking! The man is a sweetheart, but I’ve noticed a pattern of undermining my ideas of late that has made the ick rise within me with a passion. So discussions on the possible data samples and placement will definitely happen. Me on my knees in front of me, not a damn chance.” Maria scrunched her face in disgust before looking back towards the soldier. 

“What makes you think Soldier Boy will be any different?” Anna asked. Simone shrugged before turning towards Anna. “Maybe he won’t be, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be a nice ride to try out!” A smile spread across Anna's face as she took in the man's frame. He was a big one, not as big as a couple of men that she had seen arrive but big enough, probably around 6’0. There had been a man about 6’3 walking around earlier. Actually, as she thought about it, she had seen that same man speak with their team leader, Angela.

He had been attractive too in a rugged way. He meant business when he walked onto the site. Something she clocked as soon as she walked up to Paul and Angela. Thinking about it now, she hadn’t seen Angela for quite a bit. “Hey, have you seen Angela? I haven’t seen her since yesterday night when these guys arrived?” Simone hummed a no, her eyes roaming down the guy's ass. Maria's brows furrowed before she answered. “I think she was talking to that big guy. The one with the mustache and that hat. I saw her leave her tent this morning, and I caught sight of her talking to him during lunch. I think there is some history there.” Simone’s head snapped from the soldier back towards them. The brown in her eyes a little brighter, a little happier. Better than they had been a couple of weeks ago.“Angela and that man! Oh, definitely. There is some long history! You didn’t catch how he said her name last night when we left the tent last night.” 

“How he said her name?” Simone questioned

“Like he finally found something he lost. And that look, it was like... damn…How can I even describe that look?” Simone sighed, easing onto her back. “There is no way you caught all of that in the time frame we were in that tent last night,” Anna exclaimed. “No, I clocked it. There is history between them for sure.  Don’t know how much, but it is there.” Maria agreed, easing up off the hill. She dusted the sand off her hands and then her clothes. “You know what I miss.” Maria sighed. “What?!” Simone asked as she stared up at the ceiling. In the upper corner, a star had been sewn to repair a tear that had happened during the last dust storm. 

“A hot shower, a burger, and my bed.” Anna moaned and added, “ A bowl of cookies and cream ice cream.” Simone laughed, throwing her back further into the sand, causing her Hijab to loosen just a little, allowing some of her curls to fall out. “ Two more months,” Simone whispered as they descended into silence. “Two more months.” They whispered back as their gazes fell upon the broken bones and bodies that lay nestled along old sheets. 

Anna felt that that was gonna be far from their timeline.

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It was supposed to be a simple job—a set of ruins in a small Middle Eastern town.

We were told Six Months.

So why have we had guns pointed at us? Why does this feel like the people here are trying to scare us off? And why do I go to bed every night with the overwhelming dread that something wrong is about to happen?

And maybe it has begun too.

We discover a body. A body that shouldn't be buried within these ruins.

A Body that has the military walking in on our door.

They have secrets. Secrets that they are searching for. We know it. We should be careful.

So Why Do I find myself catching feelings for one of these Soldiers?

A Scottish Man with Piercing Blue Eyes that's making me want to feel again.

Who chases these bad feelings away.

Who makes me feel safe.

I've had this idea in my head for a while and it just won't go away! I got it after watching the lost boys!

The stories are about a Girl and her boy's best friend in a small town in the middle of nowhere. He's been in love with her for a while and she has been in love with him too. I mean head over heels in love with one another. Yearning kind of love! But something keeps them apart! I haven't quite figured out what yet!

But, One day this group comes into town. Dark mysterious but all-around seductive. A woman and her boys! She is gorgeous but something in the girl tells her that something isn't right with this woman. She feels off. She makes every hair on the back of the girl's neck stand up! She keeps away even though everyone is drawn to this woman.

She starts to lose her best friend. He is with the woman more than she is with him. She doesn't want to seem jealous or controlling so she doesn't say much to him. It hurts her, but maybe it's time they go their separate ways.

But, she begins to notice some changes. People were going missing, He friends seemed sicker, and at night she felt as though her body was on fire. Dreams of him and she can't seem to leave her mind. (She feels so conflicted about it)

 If someone had told me that I would be mourning a giant blue and green Dinosaur, then I would have called them crazy! First off, they're extinct! Second off, Why would I? Well…, I guess I’ve officially lost my marbles! In the next year, the extinction of a Disney Cult classic comes to fruition. (Ironic?! Isn’t it) 

In advance let me explain what Dinosaur was to those who mourn it. Dinosaur was Walt Disney’s first steps into full CGI film work. Now! I know there are going to be people who say that this was not Disney’s first CGI film; but when looking back to the film you’ll notice how alive the background is. (Go ahead! I will wait!) That was because the film was the first to create large detailed animal characters into living backgrounds. (Now! I said Disney! Not Universal! That is a Different Story!) This was a lot of work for its artist, so much so that Disney created a whole brand-new studio to help with the large workload. (Sadly, The studio died out after the film! But It was a brand-new studio!) It helped shape the birth of the Animal Kingdom that we know today. It was also Animal Kingdom’s first thrill ride. Now, The film was supposed to be Disney’s child-friendly dinosaur movie. It sadly fell flat at the box office. Critics found the movie's storyline to be too simple, and many people forgot the film over time. (Though, how someone could make a dinosaur film complex… I will never know?) This would happen to many of Disney’s 2000s films like Atlantis, Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea, and An Extremely Goofy Movie. Critics found them flat but the children who watched them would forever hold them in their hearts, allowing for these stories to become great cult classics of today.

(Sadly!) Animal Kingdom’s “Dinosaur” will be exiting the stage in 2026 and will be replaced with the new, groundbreaking… Tropical America. (If the giant wooden walls and metal cranes weren’t a sign.) A location designed to showcase the beauty of Northern, Southern, and Central South America. 

Disney will be allowing guests to immerse themselves into the many Latin cultures that grace our world today. (At least that is the idea)There is not much known about the new land except for two things: First, We will be gaining three new rides, which will be based off of Disney’s Coco, Encanto, and Indiana Jones. (The last one was a huge surprise!) Second, Restaurantosaurus will be replaced with the largest quick service restaurant to ever be created within Walt Disney World parks. 

Hopefully, it will have more variety than just chicken tenders and fries. (Don’t take it to heart, Disney! I love your tenders! But a Girl needs a break!) My excitement for this new renovation is…less than enthusiastic. Though the representation is greatly appreciated, I can not help but feel like Disney is trying to live off the coattails of two of its biggest Hispanic films. Between both films Disney’s Coco and Encanto, The money generated has a total of 1,070.8 million dollars between the both of them.(And that's just the films at the box office!) With recent news, I am sure that Disney will be seeing an increase of sales to both films merchandise. 

In spite of enjoying both movies, I feel as though that the company is only focusing on these two projects instead of helping its Imagineers cultivate more projects that might focus on even more Latin cultures. I would even enjoy them exploring the different mythology in those cultures. They could even speak about how important each culture is to not only themselves but to their environment with the animals that live in it.(This is of course only my opinion.) 

I do have to agree that the park needed a new update. The addition of Avatar has only increased the park's attendance by some degree. This sadly has been the only update to the parks since its last. The very last new ride being Mount Everest. There has not been another new addition to any aspect of the park for the last eight years. (I mean rides.) If the youngest of the Disney parks were to survive they would need to change up to attract more attention. 

 Though, I know the change is important to the parks. I will always have a deep love for this cult classic and the forgotten era it left behind. I can not help but mourn for the last relic of my childhood. You can still ride Dinosaur for the rest of 2025 but after that you will have to say goodbye forever. And, I hope with just one ride. That your time there will always be remembered. 

So Start this off, Sorry I have been gone so long. But, I just wanted to pack in my thoughts of Wish. Now, If you don't know about Disney's Wish. It's alright. I will just let you know something about it. And, If you do then please understand that these are my opinions on the movie. Now on a quick side note before I actually start this review. I do have to say that this movie I feel is getting a lot of backlash before it has even sprung. And, I notice people do that a lot with movies nowadays. Now, This animation is a new style for Disney to try out. , We might find it weird, and at times when I was watching the film. I did get a little surprised but I quickly recovered because at the time the two animations came together greatly. The second is the expectations of this movie. I hear that almost every comment about this film is that it doesn't compare to the other great Disney films. And, I honestly want to say that it is okay that it doesn't. Movies aren't meant to be copies of another. They are supposed to inspire people and allow them to create their own films based on the ideas that they inspire. And, I am sorry but I don't constantly want to hear the same beat and sound with every song. I want a difference and I feel like this movie tries to present it to us but no one is taking the time to actually listen and look. Instead, It seems everyone is ready to judge a film before it has even begun.

Disney's Wish is Walt Disney Animation's Studios 100th Animated Film. The first 3D and 2D animation mix, the story focuses on a 17-year-old girl, Ashsa, living in her kingdom whose life revolves around earning a chance to have their one wish granted by her powerful Belevont king, Magnifico. And, it is Ashsa's wish to become his apprentice and earn the chance to be granted a wish.

Now, I know that doesn't seem so different than other films and that again is okay.

It is the story theme that I find to be very different. Now, Wish presents the idea of Wishes and Dreams to us. And, I find that very important because when you look at Disney. It is what that is built upon. A dream and a wish. The wish for something wonderful or magical to be brought to us and the dream to seek out adventure, magic, and so many other things. I mean we grow up looking at Disney and wishing maybe one day to visit it or to create a make something almost as beautiful or wonderful as they have. And, Wish really reminds us of that. In the film, Our Wishes are what inspires us to try, and though they might not come true there is something positive that does come out of it.

Because It is better to try than simply give up. And, What I also loved about that film was the fact it pointed out the fact of what makes any person more deserving to have that wish granted and what makes one wish greater than the others. Cause I do not want to admit it but the main villain in the film reminds me of the people I hear every day online or on the streets talking down upon another person's wishes. The right to wish. What we should wish for. The quick disregard of the emotional hurt we feel after that wish is destroyed or we lose it. I really liked seeing that.

And, I won't lie. I loved the Disney references. I kept finding more and more in the film as we continued to watch it and I loved that, especially at the end when they mentioned so many Disney films. I think realizing this anniversary showed us how many films Disney has presented to us and how wonderful the memories they bring. The nostalgia was so nice.

Now, Let me get into the music. I absolutely loved the music. I liked the different feel that seemed to come from it. I felt that honestly, it had a kind of spice that some of Disney has lacked ( except for Ecanto, and Moana.) The songs did well playing on the voices of its actors and cast. As Well as merging them so perfectly well together.

My Least and I say that loosely would probably be the first song. "Welcome to Rosas." And, I put that low on the list simply because several of the others kind of pushed there way to my favorite. My top three would have to be "This Wish", loved the vocals and emotion in the song, "Knowing what I Know Now." I loved the cast voices and the precision, and finally "I'm a star." That last one was overall so fun.

Now, Before I start on the villain's Song. Let me tell you. I absolutely hated that everyone was hating on this song before we even fully heard it or seen it. And, I was so happy to see it and give my honest opinion. The song is not Hellfire or Friends on the other side. But, That is great because that kind of song doesn't fit the villain.

"This is the thanks I get." is a song about a Selfish Narcissist man becoming angry about being questioned and possibly losing his power. He isn't being tormented with his desire like the villain of The Hunchback of Notre Dom nor is he being convening like the one in Princess and the Frog. No, Instead We are getting a song about a villain who is quickly losing his cool and showing his true colors. Magnifico is a villain who reminds me of those really handsome and put together kind of men. They are handsome and charismatic but just underneath that mask is something else entirely. Now, Sometimes people are blind to it or they mask it so well that others won't notice. But, Eventually, you discover who they are. And, Magnifico was no different. The kindness disappeared and the cruel selfish man came out. And, The song helped you really see that especially as he begins to lose his cool more and more.

Now, My little disappointments with the movies. I was kind of a little curious about Maginficio's powers and story as well as his magic spell book. And, I was a little upset why that didn't go into great detail about it. I wanted to know more about that book and what happened to his world and his wife. In addition, What does this mean for wish I have a funny feeling that this won't be the end of Asha's story and that makes me curious and slightly nervous.

So, I know probably not many people will be reading this but I feel I need to let this out somewhere. Cause it has been bothering me for a little while. So, I have been watching the effects of the release of the New Game of Thrones prequel and the rewatching of the Series Flowers in the Attic by V.C Andrews. And, It has made a disconcerting and discomforting thing come to my mind.

People are too comfortable with incest.

And, I am using Comfortable nicely. Because Honestly, the real words that I want to say are that it's almost like we want these types of relationships to happen. We almost seem to desire or worship them. And, I know worship is a little hard but we do. I mean if we look back at our Media and the past two years. Did anyone else notice this increase in Incestuous implications?

Because I did!

And it made me look at a lot of Media. From Fandoms to Books, Comics, Manga, and Tv Shows. There is a lot.

And, because I am that person. I can give you a list where Incestuous Relationships were committed, Implied, or even attempted.

Vampire Knight

Bates Motel (Psycho)

Cruel Intentions

Arrested Development

Mortal Instruments

The Ultimates (Marvel)

Tenchi Muyo!

Please Twins!,

Machete (2010)

Blue Lagoon

Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)

The Crow (1994)

Gone with the Wind (1939)

ENNEAD

Dynasty (1980)

Family Affairs (1997)

Nip/Tuck

The Fosters

Riverdale,

True Blood

Taboo

Alan Moore's Lost, Girls,

Angel Sanctuary

Lady Devil

DevilMan Lady

Game of Thrones

House of Dragons

House

Animal Kingdom

Smallville

Banshee

Neighbors

See

Eastenders

Yeah, And Those are some I remembered. And, Most of these inputs are ones where people honestly encouraged the Incest in the relationship. I mean I saw people actively clap their hands at it like it was great. Or Just kind of Shrugged their shoulders and went with it. And, Excused it like it was a normal Relationship. And, it is not a normal relationship.

Incest is a biological thing we are not supposed to do. It is determinantal to the health of our minds, body, and society but we put it on everywhere and we excuse it. We ignore it. And, We kind of laugh at it.

And, It is a little scary. How quickly we kind of look at this and are ok with it. Or Praise. Or Excuse it. I Repeat :

We know the ramifications of Incest.

Hell, We have living historic figures who are products of these unions and the damaging consequences of them. But, Still, we praise and fawn over the idea of these acts.

It is almost like we want it to happen in media and life. And, Are we forgetting about the terrible effects that it has upon us? Are we forgetting about the people who are hurt by these “relationships”?

Are we just romanticizing their trauma?

Or Even Fetishising it?

And, Even excusing it.

Venom Bonded Cover

Hey, For Those who have gone to my AO3 and read my Venom: Bonded. Thank you so much! But, Here's Chapter 2

Sickness and Dreams

A Concussion. Several Bruises. A Case of Hypothermia. And, Seven years of Additional Therapy. That was the outcome of following Konk into the woods that day. I give a forced but somewhat pleasant smile to the nurse in front of me. It was the third time that she was sticking me for blood and I was growing tired of it. Once that little phial was full, she carefully stopped the bleeding with a square piece of quaze. I watched carefully as she taped over the puncture wound. I didn’t know why but ever since I woke up. Something hasn’t been right. Call it instinct or call it common sense but ever since I woke in this hospital, things weren’t right. There were doctors but no patients. Nurses but so far I could only count the same three over the last three days.

The Doctors were different though most of the time, they didn’t look at me like a patient. Instead, they looked at me like I was something to study. I sighed as I leaned back against the cushions of my bed. Maybe I was just being paranoid.

Or Maybe Feelings are Just.

I groaned as I rubbed at my eyes before turning on my side. This was stupid. I was being stupid. And, I was tired. I was so tired. I blamed it on the environment. I hated hospitals. Hospitals were the place of just bad memories for me. A place of Fear, Shame, and Anger. I hated them. They made me so uneasy. I nestled into the pillow and pulled my knees upwards into my chest. I couldn’t sleep in them and since I woke up a day ago I couldn’t really fall back into it. Maybe I should ask for a sleep aid.

A rap on the wall pulls me from my thoughts. I groan as a wave of rage runs through me as I turn back towards the door. I don’t know why but I feel a mix of it being that I just want to be left alone and another of just wanting to get the fuck out of this place.

The Woman who walks through the door is a tall blonde. A cutie, she was. She stood about 5’9 with long wavy blonde hair and deep green eyes. She looked fit, almost amazon-like as she stood. She was a woman in charge. A woman that if I wasn’t so pissy would date. I roll my body back towards and ask. “Hello, Can I help you?”

“Miss. Jackson?!”

“Yes, That’s me.”

“Hi, I’m Agent Taylor and I’m from the FBI. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”

The wave of anger pushes through me once again. I grit my teeth and force it back surprised for a moment. I don’t know why but her name just wants me to bite into something. I swallow, clearing my throat as I nod and motion towards the chair. “Would you like to sit?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Ok, Tired. Doctors say though that's normal. Something about me being exhausted from the hypothermia.”

“I’m sorry about that. Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah, Last Time I chased after my dog.”

“Yes, Konk, right. He ran off.”

“Yeah, He’s always been a chaser when it comes to something small and squeaky. Konk goes after it. It fucking sucks that this was the outcome things time but know if he needs to go out. I am keeping him on the fence.”

“Do you mean in the fence?”

“Oh...Shit...Damn I meant that...I am sorry. I don’t like hospitals much and sleeping in them is a complete and utter pain.” I laughed as I rubbed at the side of my head.

“I’m sorry about that...just a couple more questions and then you can go ahead and get some sleep.” She smiled through the action and seemed tight like she didn’t do that often. “When you came upon the agent's body did you notice anything unusual.” I scoffed. “ You mean other than finding a body in my creek. No ma’am. I mean other than touching him I didn’t notice anything different.” I tensed before groaning. The memory of his cold flesh making my stomach twist.“ I’m sorry just...no...the only thing was that he was just too cold. I didn’t know a body could feel so cold”

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Marvel, Venom (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Eddie Brock/Original Female Character(s), Eddie Brock/Venom Symbiote Characters: Eddie Brock, Eddie Brock | Venom, Venom Symbiote (Marvel), Nick Fury Additional Tags: Human/Monster Romance, Original Character(s), POV Original Female Character, Alien/Human Relationships, Fluff and Smut, Pet dog, mentions of assault, May contain triggers, Canon Disabled Character, Female Character of Color, POV First Person, POV Female Character Summary:

Becca is the girl, people told their daughters to stay away from. She was the trouble maker. The rebel. But, Now she is the criminal. The Lair. The whore. A girl whose history clouds the truth of who she is and what happened. She is alone and scared until the day she finds a body along the river. Then, She is bonded. To this thing, it's calls itself Venom and It needs her help. It's needs to find someone.

Someone called Eddie.

Hey, I've got another story for ya'll called Venom : Bonded. It's again on my AO3. If you want to check it out but you can read the first chapter here.

Chapter 1 : The Truth and the Meeting

The Truth can hurt people that is just plain and simple. It can destroy a town. Break Friendships. Hell, Even cause wars though I only have to deal with the first two. The coffee shop that I come to is empty with most of the patrons inside being those who are of the elder variety.  I smile at most and wave to others as I walk through to the back where the patio lays. The air had a mist of cold over it and though I wore a thick coat and thermals under my jeans, the cold still seemed to seep through them. It was that or the fear. I couldn’t quite tell at this moment. I catch sight of her quite quickly since she’s the only one outside.

She was still beautiful as ever. I know it has only been two years since I have seen her but she is still beautiful. She had grown her hair out, the long red locks now reaching to her shoulders instead of the bob cut that she spotted in High school. She’s even straightened it out and it makes me remember the conversation we had with one another about doing that together. She’s dressed in her own thick coat though I could tell that it was the expensive kind. She had money now and I wasn’t surprised to see her spend it. I swallowed and tried to breathe through the anxiety that so quickly was rising.

This talk was good for me and her. At least that is what my therapist said. She said it was good that I spoke with her. It would make that guilt that I carried easier to deal with which was a fucked up thing to think about but something my mind needed to do. Easing it would help me focus on my other traumas and make it easier to heal.Suddenly, She turns and catches me, making my heart stop for a moment. Her face is devoid of emotions. She doesn’t want to do this. She doesn’t want to see me. This was all a mistake. I want to take a step back but something whispers in my ear.

Come On, You can do this! You need this and maybe she does too. I feel my face grow hot with embarrassment as I make my way to the table.

I slide my purse off my shoulders and place it on my lap as I sit. The seat burns with an icy chill and I want to hiss in discomfort but I don’t. She decided on this place. I shouldn’t go back about her decision.

I clear my throat then push a stray curl back underneath my wrap around my hair.

I raise my head and get a good look at her now. Yep, She was still beautiful. Her cheeks high and her chin pointed with freckles running across them though the makeup she wore covered most of them. Her eyes were still a mix of hazel green though they seemed a bit darker than before. But, neither the less Maddy was still goregous.And alive even after my stupid mistake. I could feel the guilt lessen.

“Hi, Maddy.”

“Becca.”

The sharp bit in her voice twists my stomach and I swallow.

”Why did you call me, Becca?” She asks to take a sip of her coffee. Something I didn’t notice early and the smell of it makes me wish for a cup. Just a bit to chase away the cold and bring in some comfort.

“I think you know, Maddy. I want to talk.” I answer toying with the handles of my bag. The strap is old and leathery but it’s been with me since before the incident and I just don’t want to get rid of it. It’s another source of comfort, one I hold so deeply onto.

“Talk, Becca I want almost nothing to do with you. If It wasn’t for my Marcus then I wouldn’t even be in this place.” The sound of his name twists my stomach and makes a wave of anger sweep through me. She is still with him. I feel the anxiety begin to morph into something else.

I stop fiddling with my strap and let out a breath. Anger brings me confidence or fuels it. I don’t really know.

“I came to apologize to you. That year in High school, I didn’t mean to harm you. I didn’t mean to put that into your drink at prom. I am saying sorry.  I am hoping you can forgive me for that.” Maddy scoffs and that makes my heart flinch in response.

“That’s all you’ve got. You're apologizing for that but not what you said about Marcus.” She then finishes the rest of her coffee then slams the cup down. The force of it shakes the table and I can’t help but wince for the fine China.

“You ruined his life, Becca. You ruined his life from a night you don’t even remember.” I steady the table then look up to her. “I remember enough, Maddy. I remember your man on top of me. I remember his friend's laughter.” Maddy rolls her eyes and laughs. “You were high. You were high and instead of taking control of your actions, you went and cried wolf. He didn’t rape you, Becca. You just made it all up.”  Those kinds of words hurt more than anything. It’s the final crack in our broken relationship. It’s also the final crack in the wall that is my anger. “You know what Maddy, Fuck you. Fuck you and your blinders. Fuck you and your man. And, Fuck you and that damn town. This was a mistake.” I stand but before I leave I turn to her. “I hope he’s really worth it, Maddy. I hope his words are worth everything because It's going to bite you in the ass, majorily.”

I don’t care to hear her answer. I rush back through the shop not caring what everyone sees. I push the door open and try to hold back the tears as I hurry to my car. The very feel of them burns as I race to my car. I can’t get inside fast enough and when I do I can’t stop them. They rush down my face like a raging river and I can’t stop the pain in my chest as I tried to control them.  I want to scream in rage. I want to chase the pain away but I let it happen. I need it to happen because I know if I don’t deal with this pain, I’d want her back. And, Wanting her Back won’t change anything or fix the situation that I am in right now. I let it out allowing the pain to fall over me and finally fade until the only thing left is the pain in my eyes and the ache in my chest. I swallow and with the back of my hand wipe away what is left of my tears before I put my key into the ignition. I welcome the purr of my car as it comes to life. I shift my car into gear and as I look back up I catch Maddy staring in my direction. Even this far I can see the pain that she is in. Her shoulders tensed and pulled back her eyes were wide but her hands were clenched within the pockets of her coat. She was hurting too but now I don’t have to care about that anymore.

I pull out of the parking space and turn onto the main road. The streets are filled with people who are all shopping and planning the upcoming festivities. It would only be another four weeks before Christmas would be upon the town and though I had no one to celebrate this year, I could wait for the start of something new. I needed something new. I kept driving, soon leaving the bustling town and pulling out onto a long winding road decorated with snow along all sides. The trees were bare with some while others carried some green upon them. It was a beautiful sight and something I would miss when I left. I drove for about ten minutes before suddenly, I caught sight of several cars in the middle of the road. I slowed pulling my car to the side of the road before I got out. The cars that littered the road were about seven cop cars, two large SUVs, and one overturned truck that laid between the actual road and the treeline. The air smelt like smoke and gasoline though from my point I couldn’t see a fire. It meant that the truck was probably leaking, which could be dangerous if the woods caught on fire so close to town.  I pulled my coat closer when I caught sight of one of the Troopers, Derek, Maddy’s brother and one of Marcus’s best friends. He hated me which was rightly so but weirdly enough he was the only who seemed to believe that I was actually raped that night.

Though, It’s not him that I am hiding myself from, instead it’s the man he’s talking too. Marcus.  He still looked the same. He still carried that boyish charm that had him looking like the boy next door. He had shortened his hair and he had put on a little muscle but he was still the same guy. What scared me now though was his clothes, he was a trooper.

He was a cop.

They believed him enough to allow him to be a cop. I felt a burn in my stomach as I stumbled back towards my car. I couldn’t let him see me. If he saw me, things would happen. They would happen again and I was just beginning to feel freedom to allow that to happen again. I get back inside and quickly lock the doors. It was stupid because he was cop and I was parole but it provided me something of a shield. I needed it because pretty as Marcus was he was like the devil incarnate when he focused on something.  I look back at the scene and curse, someone saw me. It looked to be Marcus, which makes the fear in the pit of my stomach twist even harder. I swallow trying to think about what I could possibly do right now. I couldn’t go around them nor could I go back to town since my cabin was out here. I was stuck just like I was two years ago. When he comes up to the car, I can tell he recognizes me. His walk changes the slow usual gait, becoming predatory and intentful. I feel the bile rise and I struggle to keep it down as he comes upon my window. He knocks upon it with a kind of melodic tap. My breath shakes as I let it out and press the button. The smell of cheap cologne and coffee wafted into my nose making the nausea even worse.

“ Well. Well. Well. Isn’t it Backdoor Becca. Been a long time since I’ve seen you? How have you been? Did The Asylum do you good?” I am shaking. I can feel myself as I keep my eyes forward, not looking at him. I can’t look at him because then I’ll get sick and then I'll remember even more. It was the wrong thing to do because I feel him go for my wrap and pull it from my head throwing it into my lap. The action hurts pulling at my curls and making me wince. He laughs and leans down into my car. He eyes it before reaching inside and touching the label of my coat and pulling it down so that he could see my neck. His finger edges along it until it reaches the junution were my shoulder and neck mean.

“What you doing here, Becca?” He asks about his nail rubbing along that juncution. It’s painful and I try not to flinch or pull away. He’ll do something else If I do. I know he will because that is what he does. He tests and tests until you break and then he hurts you.

“Answer me, Becca.” He demands his fingers move until they are at that point. He squeezes painfully and I hold back the cry of pain. “Answer me, Becca. I won’t ask again.” I don’t answer and he squeezes even harder. I know that I am going to bruise. But, I don’t give him the satisfaction. I keep silent, bearing through the pain even though tears are beading in my eyes. He leans closer until his face is inches from mine. I feel him breathe in and sigh the smell of his breath wafting over me and making me sick. I want to vomit so badly.

“Marcus! Where the hell are you? We need you back here! The Feds need some more hands.”

The Sound of Becca’s brother was the greatest relief I had ever felt. He pulled his body back from my window and sucked his teeth. “I’m on my way.” He answered before he tapped the roof of my car. “I’ll see you soon, Becca. Now Get out of here.” I hear him yell into the radio that a Civilian was coming through and that they should open the blockade.

I do as he says this time shifting my gear into drive I move forward careful of my speed and my actions until I am through the other to the other side. But, I don’t stop, I keep moving until the scene is but a dot in my view and I am sure he can not see me. I keep moving until I come upon a lone structure in the snow. It was an isolated property deep in the forest where very few could find it.

It was my safe place.

It was my home.

And, It was the only place that I could truly cry. The tears flow down my face like a raging river while a scream of pain erupts through my throat as I scrub at my skin. I want him to touch off of me. I want the feeling of his hands on my skin gone. I rub until I feel pain and I can see the large bleeding welts in upon my skin.

I was truly stupid to believe that people would Welcome the sound of the truth. When it comes to people and violence they don’t believe that those who look capable of it were so truly capable. The proud arrogant smile that Marcus carried or the ignorant blind loyalty of Maddy was my truth. And that was no one cared about his own. No one cared about His actions.

And, That was my Fucking Turth.

My Cottage was a beautiful and Safe Space. A place gifted to me by my grandparents, the cottage itself had been the only place I felt comfortable to let my guard down and in a sense allowed me to fully relax in such space. The outside was painted in a bright fire truck red which made it literally stick out from the snow like a red beacon. It had a large porch along the front  and a small one along the back while on the left side consisted of a large stone fireplace. The inside was the oppitmate of cozy with everything in soft colors of grey and white. The moment I walked in I welcomed he soft scent of lavender and honey. I let it envelope me before a barrel of black and white energy crashed into me. Konk was my two year old fur baby. He was a huge bullie with a stocky body type and large head but was a complete and utter sweetheart when it came to me. He swung his butt into my legs over and over again trying to get me to pet him as he whimpered with excitement.

“Hi, Baby. Have you been a good boy? Mommy sorry.” I gushed as I bent down and showered him with attention. He “wooed” at me before running to the backdoor. I felt guilty then as it was his sign to me that he had to sue the bathroom. I smiled closing my front door and moving to my bar where I opened it and watched as he took off into the snow. He looked like a little seal as he drove straight into the snow wading through it. It made me laugh and eased the tension and fear.

Suddenly, The Shrill Chime erupted through the air causing me to jump and dig through my pockets until I found my cell phone. The name across the screen wrote “Sig'' and the photo was of a young woman with her tongue sticking out to the side and her eyes pointed upward in a clear roll. I loved that photo because it just reminded me of how crazy my friend truly was. I swiped right before placing the phone on speaker.

“Hey.” I answered watching as Konk took another head dive into the snow. A second later his massive head popped up and he shook off a layer of snow.

“How did it go?” She asked the sound of a loud tapping alerting me that Sig was up and around.

“Not Good...She didn’t believe me again. Actually blamed me and called me a liar.” There was an audible crash before I heard the loud and quite creative swear leave from her mouth. “That Bitch. What more proof does she need?”

“I don’t know but It’s done. I have tried and now she has made her choice. But, I have more bad news.”

“What?!”

“He’s a cop.”

“He’s...WHAT!”

The shout was so loud, Konk stopped and turned towards my direction with his head tilted to the side in question. I rolled my lips before sighing. “Yeah, Believed him completely...Yeah! So there’s that.” I don’t tell her about how I came to find out he is a cop. Sig was healing and I didn’t need to add anymore stress onto her then she needed right now. A new job after an extensive surgery and a big move. This was a lot for my friend but like me I know she needed it.

“Ok...Fuck...Do you feel safe out there? Do you want to take a flight here to New York? We could share a bed until you found an apartment or look for one together.” She suggested. “No, I can’t. I don’t have a lick of cash on me until that bastard from the bar pays me then maybe I could, Sig. But until I’m stuck. But, I am good for the rest of the months so unless something happens I should be ok.”

“Becca….”

“I’m fine.” A loud sharp bark drew my attention. Konk was staring out into the distance his body tense and his gaze sharp. His usual relaxed tail raised up. He had caught something. Something that was sending him on the attack.

“Hey, Sig. I got to go. Konk looks like he caught something and I don’t want him to terrorize another squirrel again.”

“Don’t change the subject. But, alright. I’ll talk to you later.”

We said our goodbyes before I ended the call and threw my phone onto the couch by the window.

“Konk, Come here boy.” She yelled calling out to her dog who suddenly, with no warning other than a twitch of a tail, took off.

You could say that this was the start of something. The beginning of my story fully. Konk was all I had and seeing him take off like that. It scared me, making me race after him. The snow soaked my boots and coat but I kept running even though the snow left a burning pain against my hands and skin. I didn’t stop.

But, Konk Did. He stopped just at the cliff overlooking the old river bed. The river itself was the only thing not frozen over on the property. Along the Bed laid a body, the crumbled body of man. Konk barked again, his tone aggressive as he raced down. I followed after I was scared for them both. When we got to the bottom of the bank Konk stopped, though he was still on guard a wave of unease could be felt now on him. He whined looking back at me and then the man.

I swallowed, taking Konk by the collar and pulling him back for a moment before giving him the order to wait. He whined but sat as I took careful steps forward. The rocks along the bank were uneven and even with such steps I could feel them shift with each step.

When I got close enough to him I bent down. Steam rose from his body telling me that he was warm, at least warm enough to have somewhat of a temperature difference from the river.  I reached hoping to find a pulse.

But, What came at me I barely had enough time to scream as a black liquid material shot from his skin and wrapped around my hand in a constricting grip. Konk began barking  as the material climbed up my skin wrapping itself around me.

It was violent waves of Memories that assaulted me. Some were of a place of inky pools of black while others were of things. Inhuman things that no human could possibly comprehend. Then, There were people whose faces were only a split second.