Assassin.

            Perhaps coffee would be better to start with. It left room to leave if things went south—not that Elysia thought it would, but this was something she’d never dealt with before, and she could imagine it’d take a while to get used to. It was, after all, quite odd to be face to face with the creature who had been your lover in a previous life, and who, unwillingly, had had a hand in the ending of said previous life. “Coffee sounds good, let’s do that.” She tried a smile.

            The witch eyed the motorcycle again. “I’ve never ridden a motorcycle before,” she admitted, quickly, her eyes sliding back to meet Ayesha’s as she nodded, almost imperceptible, as if to say she understood what the other had been meaning to say. She, herself, of course couldn’t fly, but something ( a memory? ) told her there wasn’t anything like the sensation of it. The helmet, when it was handed to her, was heavier than expected and after turning it in her hands, she put it on her head. It took her a moment to get comfortable with the sensation of her vision being a lot more limited, her head heavier. “Alright.”

            Until that moment, she hadn’t even thought about the fact that she’d have to sit behind Ayesha, close to her, and it made her nervous. So far, the only real contact they’d had was when Elysia had examined the other’s scars, and even that had been a ghostly touch of her fingertips. She nodded, hesitated, then got on the motorcycle. She’d meant to keep a distance—she didn’t want things to be awkward, she told herself, but the seat didn’t give her much choice about it. She ended up sliding down a bit, her skirt riding up to far above her knees as her thighs pressed against Ayesha’s. She drew in a shallow breath as she fumbled for some kind of handle to hold on to, only to realize that the best way to stay seated was to just wrap her arms around the other woman’s waist. She tried to ignore the accelerated beating of her heart as she brought her hands to the other’s hips, palms hovering for a moment before she placed them. That would do fine, right? This wasn’t odd at all—but something was fluttering in her stomach, making her feel odd. “I… I’m a bit nervous,” the witch murmured. 

            The moment Ayesha took off, though, Elysia squeaked and her arms slid further around the other’s body and she ended up pressed against the woman’s back, holding on for dear life.

       First of all, Elysia looked beyond adorable with a helmet just a touch too big on her head and Ayesha thought it endearing. Secondly, if Ayesha had really thought this out, she would have realized how close the other girl would have to get in order to be comfortable and safe and maybe, just maybe though, she might have opted for a taxi. After all, the last thing she wanted to do was make the girl uncomfortable, even if her own skin burned in longing of the girl’s touch. 

      Elysia sat down beside her and Ayesha inhaled a deep breath. She didn’t have the luxury of wearing a helmet to keep the emotions on her face a secret so instead she looked straight ahead as a blush covered her face. The bike roared to life and Ayesha slowly accelerated. Apparently that was enough for Elysia’s arms to slip around her and Ayesha couldn’t help but smirk despite not wanting to embarrass the girl. She drove at the speed limit, made sure to obey all the rules of the road (despite not wearing a helmet), and slowly... slowly built up the courage to drop one hand from the handlebar so that she could trace soothing pattern on the back of the girl’s hand as if to say, it’s okay, I’m here and I’ve got you and it’s okay, I promise. 

       The ride was too short in Ayesha’s opinion and soon enough they were in front of Reever’s Coffee. She turned the bike off and kicked the stand down before waiting for the other girl to get off. “That wasn’t so bad was it?”

               “Oh,” Elysia said, and her gaze flickered down to the toes of her boots at the compliment. “Thanks, I tried.” She wasn’t normally as shy about receiving compliments, but Ayesha made her feel nervous. Some part of her tried to resist the feeling, believing it to be there in the first place because of the memories, but some other part was too curious, too interested to push it away. 

              Laughter bubbled up and a giggle escaped her—she tried to smother any other ones by pressing her fingers to her lips. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who was nervous, which caused Elysia to become a bit less tense. “How about Italian? Pasta’s a safe bet.” She settled on a smile and stepped closer as Ayesha fished her keys out of her pocket. “But I wouldn’t mind getting coffee, either.” Elysia wondered for a moment to what vehicle the keys belonged until her eyes settled on the motorcycle parked close by. It seemed to make sense that it was Ayesha’s. 

              Of course Ayesha had a motorcycle. It seemed to suit her. Elysia had never ridden on a motor before, and she realized she was excited. “What would you like?”

       Heat flushed at her neck and ears when she heard the girl laugh and Ayesha let out an awkward half chuckle of her own before finally wrapping her fingers around her keys. She didn’t know that many italian places, if any, and so she elected that coffee was always a safe bet, and at least with coffee you didn’t have to be confined to the table until the food arrived. 

        “How about we start with coffee,” she said smoothly (or as smooth as she could given her previous embarrassment), “and we can go from there. I hope you don’t mind uh.. motorcycles. I used to...” Ayesha clenched her fists and let out a breath. I used to fly and that was always better. But now biking, that was the only thing that made her feel the wind run through her hair, that made her speed. She stepped up to the bike and unlocked the compartment so she could retrieve a helmet and hand it to the other girl. She’d never crashed the thing but it was better to be safe than sorry and Ayesha really didn’t want to be responsible for another death on her hands. 

        “I know a place, a little quieter than most if you will. And the uh... the rooftops amazing.” She kicked the kickstand back as she mounted the bike and gestures for the other girl to get on behind her.

            More customers had decided to come to the shop after Elysia was done dealing with the Gancanagh, and eventually she and Ayesha had agreed to continue their conversation later, after Elysia had closed the shop. 

            It was later now, but before Elysia emerged from the shop she’d taken the liberty to put on something nicer than faded jeans and a wide sweater. But as she exited the shop, she felt self-conscious in her skirt and long boots, as if she’d somehow overdressed—especially since Ayesha looked so casual, leaning against the wall with a cigarette in her hand. The witch smiled anyway. “Hello,” she greeted. She nodded at the cigarette. “Suppose it isn’t as dangerous for non-humans as it is for us?” she asked. She’d never thought about it before.

            Elysia plucked on the hem of her jacket and let her gaze drift from Ayesha’s feet all the way up to her eyes. It had started nonchalantly, but soon she was pulled into memories that were hers, but also weren’t. A time where Ayesha’d worn different clothes, of course, but the long limbs and slim frame were still the same. A vision of the valkyrie’s wings appeared before her mind’s eye and Elysia sucked in a breath. She was slowly becoming used to this awareness of her past identity and the memories and visions—but the sight of what Ayesha had lost took her breath away.

            “So…” the witch started. “Where shall we go?”

       It struck her how beautiful the other girl was, like Kiera and yet entirely different all at the same time. Kiera was dusk, and Elysia... Elysia was the break of dawn, a fresh breath of light in the abysmal darkness Ayesha had buried herself in, and this - this thing between them- was a terrible idea. Except nothing had ever felt as right. “Sorry,” she said clearing her throat and throwing the cigarette onto the floor to step on it, “I’m not sure actually.” She paused and let her eyes pass over the girl’s body before shyly meeting her gaze. “You uh... you look good.” 

        She cleared her throat again and gestured in the general direction of where she had parked her bike. “Are you hungry? We could um... go for Chinese food? Or... any other food. Whatever you prefer really, I have incredibly low standards about what I put in my mouth.” She cringed when she realized how stupid that sounded and decided instead to busy herself with finding the keys in her jacket.

         “Unless you’re not hungry entirely, there’s always coffee? Do you like coffee?”

           Elysia was used to the everlasting flirting of the creature, but it appeared that Ayesha wasn’t. It almost made her want to smile—mostly because his attempts at flirting had as much effect on the witch as it had on the valkyrie. It made her feel closer to the woman she’d just met, this little detail in which they acted the same way. The witch’s gaze darted from the woman to the Gancanagh and back as they spoke. 

          She supposed she should be surprised about what the Gancanagh said, but even she had seen it plainly on the other’s face. She wasn’t bothered—not now that she understood, and some part of her was pleased—like a cat curling up in a patch of sunlight spilled onto the floor—by the clear presence of the other’s love, despite the passing of time and the fact that Ayesha clearly hadn’t had any hopes of seeing Kiera ( Or well, her soul ) returning. “Elysia doesn’t need a fae to tell other people what he thinks she might think of other people,” the witch murmured, “Just because not all women fall for your charms…” she continued under her breath, shaking her head when he opened his mouth for a retort. “I will throw you out if you continue being rude,” she warned him, and that seemed to work, for he settled on pouting—which, she had to admit, looked quite attractive on the fae’s face, but that was the whole point of his magic, wasn’t it? “Sorry for that,” she shot an apologetic look at Ayesha, and her eyes lingered for a while. Then she tore them away from the valkyrie.

          “The usual, I guess?” Elysia knew the fae couldn’t stand the amount of toxic substances in the air—particularly the amount of iron around. There was only so much she could do—and honestly, half the time the Gancanagh didn’t even deserve the effort, were it not for the stuff he brought with him in return. He nodded, and so she darted out back and came back with a small bottle filled with clear liquid. “What have you got for me?” She couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy, and he seemed to notice. “Nirnroot,” he told her with a secret grin, and when he pulled it from his pocket, she gasped at how it glowed. She’d read about the stuff. It didn’t grow on earth—at least, not where humans could reach it. “Ayesha, come see.” She was excited now. “The right combination with the plant can make a potion that is magic resistant—or grants invisibility.” 

[magical timejump]

       This was a terrible idea. An absolutely terrible disaster of an idea. Why had she come back? They had agreed on it of course, that Ayesha would stop by after work was over and the two would grab a bite to eat or something of the sorts, but now that she was back, just off to the side of the shop, Ayesha was second guessing that this was what was best for either of them. In the midst of her frustration, she pulled out a pack of cigarette and shakily brought one up to her mouth. It took a few seconds to find her lighter but when she did find it, she was quick to light it up and inhale to fill her lungs with smoke. It was odd, how calming this human invention was and she repeated the actions a few time whilst debating if she should leave or stay. 

       On one hand, Ayesha didn’t feel like she could leave the girl without saying goodbye (hell she hardly felt capable of leaving her at all). But on the other hand, last time she had been anywhere near something that made her feel the way she felt now, she’d been reckless and had gotten her killed. And she’d lost her wings. Her back lit up at that and Ayesha forced herself against the cool concrete of the nearby building just to bring some cooling sensation. It had rained earlier and the sidewalk was still damp enough to reflect the street lights. Traffic was light, the air muggy, and Ayesha felt a sense of foreboding in the atmosphere. 

       It was that perhaps that made her decide to leave, after she finished her cigarette of course. But she didn’t have time, as the door to the shop opened with a little bell and Ayesha’s eyes landed on the woman she loved despite not knowing, the woman she would always love. “Hey,” she breathed out in a smoke filled breath. 

             Elysia listened closely, but it sounded like a story she already knew—she’d only forgotten the details. It was a mess inside her mind, memories fought to be the center of her attention. Wings broad and strong enough to carry the both of them, eyes on them; the eyes of many. Soft dark hair spilling through her fingers, warm skin beneath her fingertips. She remembered tracing that cupids bow with her forefinger. She’d been nothing—and then she was everything. How could one person change her entire world, just like that?

            She didn’t know how, but she knew Ayesha was doing it again, right now. Old habits, she thought, and for the first time since the other had walked into the shop, the odd thoughts that didn’t seem like her own, didn’t feel so intrusive anymore.

            “She chose to be with you,” Elysia said, and as she spoke she was hit by the certainty of her words. “She chose, knowing what she was getting into. She… She doesn’t regret it, she… I—” 

            Just then, the bell above the shop door rang, informing her of a new customer. She shot a look towards the door and then back at Ayesha, wondering if she should stay and let the customer call when they needed help ( she wasn’t scared of thieves, the store was magically and non-magically warded against that ), when a low voice drawled her name, the sound holding a middle ground between an actual purr and a moan. “Elysia-darling…” the voice repeated, sounding much closer. “All this iron… Why must you do this to me, my sweet…” Elysia got up, then, before the visitor could come in through the back door. “Gancanagh,” she told Ayesha with a half-shrug. Love talker. “An old friend—regular customer. I have to help him.” And with that she walked back into the shop, though a hand motion invited the valkyrie woman to follow her. 

               The gancanagh was a flirt of the most dangerous kind, a faery most people didn’t mess with—his touch was intoxicating, he could make people lust for him and die from longing. He’d tried, once, to do this to her. But she’d pressed an iron charm from the bracelet on her wrist right against his neck and he’d learned not to mess with the young witch. She’d also threatened not to sell him anything if he ever tried again. “Ah, there you are,” he drawled, and then he took a drag from the pipe he always seemed to be carrying with him. “How many times have I told you not to smoke in here?” Elysia said, slightly annoyed—not only for smoking, but also for interrupting.

      The words the other girl spoke hit her hard but she only had so much time to dwell on it before the bell of the shop rang and broke them both out of whatever trance they were in. It was annoyingly intoxicating, the man’s voice, kind of like someone who wore too much cologne and Ayesha was nauseated at the hidden intentions behind it. She couldn’t help but feel the absolute desire that was carried in Elysia’s direction and Ayesha had to suppress her jealousy. After all, she wasn’t Kiera and they didn’t even know each other, so it was preposterous that she’d hold much of anything on her. 

       Ayesha hesitated before falling the other woman, unsure if she wanted to be privy to the company of a gancanagh, especially if his attention was to use his charm on Elysia. Perhaps it was that very last fact that made Ayesha’s feet fall into an easy walk after her, needing to make sure... well... to make sure the other girl was safe? Protected. Elysia seemed to handle herself though and Ayesha watched as she told him off. She elected to take a seat on the nearby stool and kept her face hard and her gaze watchful, barely nodding in the faerie’s direction. The man seemed to hesitate before sighing and putting out the pipe and then his eyes fell on Ayesha. “Well well well,” he drawled, “to what do I owe the pleasure of meeting this gorgeous creatures.” Ayesha clenched her jaw but kept her voice cool as she spoke. “Hate to break it to you but I’m not human, and your charm’s not going to work on me so how about you buy what you need and we’ll leave it at that.”

        He let out a chuckle at that and turned his attention back to Elysia. “She’s snippy that one,” he said lowly, as though this entire thing was a joke and he glanced back at her only to pause and observe her. “Ah I see, does Elysia know how you feel about her?” That last part was said in Elysia’s direction and Ayesha clenched her fists to stop the trembling of her hands. She was confused, she didn’t know how she felt, but she didn’t need this creature to say things that would only confuse the both of them. “Watch it,” she gritted out through her teeth. The man let out a boisterous laugh before he spoke again. “Oh darling it’s written all over your face; a deep, saddened sense of longing and lust. Don’t bother, Elysia’s not interested in simple minded creatures like you and me.”

            Elysia wasn’t surprised—it made sense, after all, that this Kiera that they both somehow knew ( although in Elysia’s case it wasn’t quite knowing as it was more like feeling ) had been this woman’s lover. Whatever it was that trailed around the edges of her mind, it was far too intimate a sensation to be mere friendship—and it was too loaded with secrecy and lust and dark love to be anything else. I couldn’t save her from myself. Elysia frowned at that. “What do you mean?” The witch’s dark gaze met Ayesha’s with clear confusion. “What did you do to her?” It didn’t sound accusing, no, she was merely curious. She wanted to understand—needed to, in order to make sense of the mess inside her mind.

            And then it did make sense. It made so much sense that her head was spinning from it and she swayed on her feet. Awkwardly, the witch tried to shift in order to find her balance, but her feet wouldn’t cooperate. “I-I… I am—No, I was.” She wasn’t about to have an identity crisis in front of a stranger-that-was-not-quite-a-stranger. “My head, I… I need to sit down.” It was barely a whisper, accompanied by a faint sigh as she sank down onto one of the chairs in the room. She rested her elbows on her knees and lowered her head a bit, drawing in a few breaths as if that would clear her head. She knew it wouldn’t—she was exhausted and she needed answers.

            Truth was, the pain taking she had just done had in fact taken somewhat of a toll on her—there had been a lot of burden to carry, after all—but Elysia could have handled that for the most part, had it not been for the added sensation of… finding out about a past life. Was this why people were always so secretive about reincarnation because they knew how much of a mess it could become? Was this how it was supposed to go, was she supposed to start feeling nauseous and dizzy upon being confronted with a past life? “It’s a bit too late for that, isn’t it?” She murmured.

            “I.. I believe you—I know it’s true, I can feel it in my bones, but… I need a moment—but don’t leave! Maybe… Maybe tell me something, something about yourself… Please?”

      Ayesha was torn. She wanted to leave, felt like she had overstayed and in the process has rendered the girl in front of her in the state that she was now. But God, she desperately needed to stay. The need for answers that she didn’t have were probably just as great as Elysia’s need for answer. There was a tugging in her chest when the other girl sat down, obviously flustered and exhausted and so so beautiful beyond words that Ayesha needed to sit down at well. 

      “I...” I’m sorry. “Okay...” She took a tip of the now cold tea in front of her and suppressed a cringe at the temperature. Her hands were shaking and she had to set it back down before she spilt anything. “When I.... No... I met Kiera when she was young, in her early twenties. She was so beautiful you know.” Ayesha looked up to stop herself from crying. She needed to talk about this, Elysia deserved it, deserved to know the real story. 

        “I didn’t tell her what I was, and I kept our relationship very secret. I’m... I’m not sure if you know but... Valkyrie sisters so rarely take lovers that aren’t other Valkyries, lovers that are more than physical play-things I mean. That wasn’t Kiera for me, she’s always meant so much more than that.” Ayesha brought her hands together and set them on the table. “My sisters found out... I tried to.. I tried to protect her but... They...” She closed her eyes, couldn’t admit that she had never been like them, never been willing to choose who lives and who dies. That had always been her weak spoke. “They tried to take her to... to Valhalla, we were so far up the ground and... and then... then they dropped her. I didn’t.. I didn’t even realize they’d cut off my wings until I tried to catch her. But.. But... But i was too late. I should.. i should have kept her safe.”

             Elysia almost wanted to demand the answers right then and there. She knew that if she didn’t get any answers, she’d keep thinking about it until it drove her mad. “What answers do you have for me, then?” She asked, voice soft but remarkably steady. Elysia tore her eyes away from the woman’s scars and instead looked at her hands. The tips of her fingers tingled in the aftermath of magic usage, and she wiggled her fingers around as if to shake it off. “Why do I know Kiera is dead?”

            Some part of her yearned for the woman’s touch and it confused Elysia greatly—because it didn’t feel like her, and yet it couldn’t be anyone else. Then there was the sensation of knowing Ayesha, somehow, knowing what she was and what she did, without actually, well, knowing. Like when she spotted a familiar face but couldn’t put a name to it. “No,” Elysia said. “You haven’t hurt me, not purposely. I chose to feel it. It helps—when I know the pain, to make something befitting the person’s hurt. It’s a small price I willingly pay to help people.” Elysia shrugged. “It is part of the ancient laws of magic—you can not take without giving back, or it will disrupt the balance.” She smiled, then. “Don’t worry, Ayesha, I can handle it.”

       “Kiera....” God, there it was again, the absolute heartache. “Kiera was my...” Everything. “My lover.” Ayesha swallowed and looked up at Elysia. “Some years ago now... well quite a few years ago, she... I... she was  human, you see? And... and I.. well, I had a duty to fulfill. But.. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t....” She clenched her fist and fought back the stinging in her eyes. “I couldn’t save her from myself.” 

      There was a time when talking about this would have killed her, but now.. now it was almost a relief for her and Ayesha could feel the pressure lifting off her chest. She got nervous then, because now she had to explain something she didn’t quite get herself. “You’re... I feel... drawn to you, as though... as though she’s still here... you’re still here. Call me crazy but I think.....”

“I think you’re her.”

      It was a relief to know she hadn’t hurt her, or at least hadn’t hurt her on purpose. Elysia was different. She wasn’t human and Ayesha had to remember that, because Kiera wouldn’t have been able to handle the pain Ayesha had been feeling before she walked into this store. Don’t worry, Ayesha, I can handle it. Whatever it is that’s going on with you, you can tell me. You’ve been acting so strange lately, I just want to help. Please baby. I can handle it. I can handle it. I can handle it. Eyes shut tight, she took a breath and calmed herself down. “I don’t want to impose,” she finally rasped out.

              When Ayesha nodded, Elysia pressed her lips together in thought. The young witch could be awfully gullible, but she wasn’t stupid. She could put two and two together. There were a few feelings that could make a person hurt so strongly. Love and regret, to name some. And whatever it was, Ayesha was feeling it because of Elysia. Guilt tore at her, and it was raw and painful and it didn’t make sense. I don’t understand, please let me understand what I’m feeling. Because she was definitely feeling something, looking at the woman. She felt an itch, a great need to cup the other’s cheeks and at the same time she needed to fall on her knees before Ayesha. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so damned sorry, we should have both known better. But what exactly was she sorry for?

              “An angel, or fallen?” Elysia didn’t know what Ayesha meant by saying she’d brought this on herself—yet another puzzle piece Elysia didn’t have. The tips of her fingers brushed the skin just between the two scars and Elysia bit her lip. She’d expected something to happen; some grand revelation of sorts, and answer to the stack of questions that kept growing inside her mind, but nothing occurred. So, she allowed her magic to seep out of her fingertips, soothing as a caress, taking some of the pain away, into herself and analyse the type of hurt. In her, the pain translated into fatigue, and she had to pull the tendrils of magic back after a few minutes. She did not want to end up fainting. “How does that feel?” she breathed. Of course, the pain of a phantom limb could never really be erased, as it was mostly mental and she could do only so much in that department, but some of the physical hurt should be gone. It would come back, though, as chronic pain always did, and so Elysia let out a sigh. 

              She reached for her tea then, but it had gone cold—that surprised the young witch. How long exactly had she been working on Ayesha’s back? “I think I can make something that should soothe the worst of the pain, a cream of sorts—I have never dealt with phantom limb pain before, but… I can figure something out now that I know what the pain is like.” Now that her magic had given her a taste of how it felt. It was one of the reasons why her healing potions worked so well. “

       “An angel,” the girl breathed out softly, her chest tight in anticipation of what to come. And boy was she not disappointed. The moment Elysia’s fingers ghosted her back, Ayesha let out a deep sigh of release. It was as though after all these years, her skin could still remember what home felt like. A smile tugged at her lips and she closed her eyes and gave way to the memories of the girl, her girl, chuckling softly as she drew lazy pattern on her bare back. Have I tired you out my love? It was raspy, breathless, everything she loved about the way the girl sounded. Her back was tingling now, in the best way and Ayesha could feel her entire body unclenching slowly. 

         Kiera. No, not Kiera. Elysia. Ayesha opened her eyes, she couldn’t lose herself to this for risk of driving her mad. And Elysia could never be Kiera, could never bring Kiera back. Accept it. I can’t... Then the hands were gone and Ayesha revelled for a moment longer before turning to face her. She reached behind her back and clasped her bra back together before staring at Elysia, breath coming heavily through her nose. “Thank you,” she finally managed to get out before darting her eyes down. “Your touch is....” A pause. “I don’t have all the answers you’re looking for,” she breathed out. But it was something, a promise of explanation as far as she could explain. 

     Slowly, Ayesha put her shirt back on. There was something inside her that felt both light with freedom, yet terribly heavy with longing. Longing for the girl in front of her, longing for her to be someone she probably wasn’t, someone she couldn’t be. Longing to hold her close. And then she mentioned the pain and Ayesha’s eyes widened slightly. She couldn’t help but step closer, only to step back when she realized how incredibly close she’d been to touching her. “You’ve felt it? Have I... h-hurt you?” she choked out.

           Kiera. The witch stared at Ayesha and she thought, yes, yes it does mean something! But she couldn’t tell what exactly it meant, and that was surprisingly frustrating. It was like looking at things through one of those Chinese rice paper screens. She could see a silhouette, could tell a vague outline, but the details were hidden. “It’s a girl—she’s… dead.” There it was again, the ghost of pain, claws digging into her belly and then the crack of her head against the unforgiving ground, as if she’d fallen from great height. “Do I… remind you of her? She meant a lot to you, didn’t she?”

           Elysia didn’t know what to think about that. In any other case, she’d probably call it weird, but right now, she couldn’t. She couldn’t because it… made sense. Of course I remind her of Kiera! But why, why was a question still unanswered.

Elysia stared at Ayesha’s back as she bared the scars. The young witch sucked in a breath as she beheld the angry red scars on the woman’s back, parallel from one another. “Like a fallen angel,” she muttered under her breath, though she was sure Ayesha could hear her. She came up behind Ayesha and reached out to touch her back—she paused inches from the woman’s skin. “I… I’ll have to touch it,” she breathed, even though it wasn’t true. Her magic could reach the source of the pain without skin contact. But she wanted to. There was something about those scars that broke her heart—as if it were her fault that they were there, instead of magnificent wings. “I… I’m sorry.”

      Dead. The words caused a great shock to run through her. Why today of all days? Why now did she have to relive this pain again and again and again. She had locked it away, deep down inside of her never to come out or surface. And she had kept herself in check, out of the eyes of whoever would be watching her. This shock, this shock caused cracks in her composure and Ayesha was feeling everything she thought she’d locked away. All she could manage was a small nod at both questions. Because to say I loved her would shatter her far more than she was now, and Ayesha didn’t think she had it in her to piece herself back together again. 

       “I’m not,” she found herself saying back. I’m anything but. Ayesha almost protested at that. The idea of the other girl physically touching her scars, feeling how disgusting she really was, well.. that didn’t sit well with her. There was also the possibility that the touch would spark memories that Ayesha didn’t want to think about. Yet something in the girl’s voice said more than she was letting on. That maybe, just maybe, she wanted to put her hands on her and hell... Ayesha couldn’t really say no to that. “It’s okay.” It was a whisper, almost a breath, and she cleared her throat. “I brought this on myself.”