i want roses set on fire....

and i went to see how someone was doing. and i know she's still following me. someone i fell apart with. someone who moved on; who i thought hated me because i was different then what she had.

apparently something is so wrong now

either things that i never noticed. things i never noticed or things that never happened until now.

she's following my footsteps. she's walking the tightrope. and i have a feeling that if i hadn't let pride and unforgiveness get in the way, she wouldn't be there.

i was a weeaboo. i was annoying. i know that was why you left me. but you never really did, did you? you still follow me. you know everything i'm doing. and i wasn't escaping from you, oh no; other people hold that title to fuel my decision to switch accounts.

there is more to you then you let me see. there is more to you then i saw. but i see it now.

you are unhappy. you say you want to die. that you hate life. that you care about the people you love, but not yourself. and as much as it pains me to realize, i was there, too.

you are still precious to me. don't you remember? all of those times we talked. how close we were. you helped me cope when something bad happened to my friend - you helped me with my sanity, and surely you were happy when everything got better. we were best friends. i thought nothing could separate us.

i'm absolutely done with hating you, or your friends who once proved better then me. i won't be mad; not at any of you.

know that you're so, so precious to me. i never stopped caring about you. even when i told you all of those nasty things in rage, about me and you and other people.

i don't know if you'll ever see this. we're finally parting ways. it's almost done. the clock is ticking; for me to have contact with you, and for however long you choose to stay in this world.

i'm a firm believer of "suffering shows that you regret the bad choices that you made; you'll be lucky when your soul carries on to another being as everything starts again, but the loner you stay the braver you get and the better the pickings". i'm sure the ones that you left me behind for must care about you. it is not in my place to confront them any longer. it is not my place to convey your words any longer. you are important, and if they don't believe that, they are trash. throw them out and move on; you've done that before.

we were best friends. we did everything together. we were perfect. and there is certainly still a chance for that to be the same.

find me. find me already and say what you need to say. be it good or bad; either way, just do it. don't leave me in the dark. i've started this for you. i'm filling you in on everything. i'm not leaving you there, abandoned.

so please ask for the new one!! i wont be saying it out in public,,

i already followed a bunch of my friends but im sure i missed a bunch of people

so ask and if i dont answer then ask again because it might not go through

i thi nk i might follow some intricate blogs and post what i want to without fearing other people might judge me??

because i bet a bunch of people would judge me for what i really want to post and it would just b e like a nice blog where i can say what i want