eat pussy not cow

The best moments of this show are where Eric has realized they’ve gone too far

They deadass got a live bear….

vampires really should be able to get drunk they literally have to be alive forever let them have this

hc: vampires have no blood so they get drunk faster than people

charlie pulling over a shirtless carlisle at 4 am: dr cullen your blood alcohol content is literally 100% how are you not dead carlisle: au contraire im absolutely dead

do you know how cool it would have been to keep the blue tint of the first twilight movie going right up until the moment bella opened her eyes as a newborn? do you know how impactful the red of her iris would have been if it was the first thing the viewer saw that wasn’t tinted blue? do you understand how it would have run parallel with how bella describes her human vision vs her vampire vision in the books? do you remember how she described all her human memories looking murky to her because her vision was lacking and the world looked completely new to her now? blue tint.

everyone’s discussed esme scoring the jackpot with carlisle but imo it’s just as true the other way around, like imagine stumbling across some dying bitch in the morgue who you realize was a random patient you treated for a broken leg 10 years ago so out of panicked impulse you transform her into a vampire and turns out not only is she ok with this decision she’s also a hot milf with a heart of gold who’s highkey in love with you and blows ur back out every friday night while ur telepathic son screams into a pile of dirt 10 miles away bc ur cheeks slap that loud like talk about luck rolling in ur favor 

i would buy her three islands i would be so grateful

since quileute legend refers to vampires as ‘the cold ones’, do the current wolf packs call it “cracking open ‘a cold one’ with the boys” when they rip apart a vampire? just asking for a friend, and that friend is me

Look all I’m saying is that it’s a fact that all the abusers in forks mysteriously all died soon after their victims came forward and the police can’t seem to fathom why a mysterious blonde woman is always seen before each body was found

No you know I’d like to add to this and say Charlie knows damn well why a mysterious blonde woman appears. Having been told Rosalie’s story by Bella he just pretends he doesn’t and puts 0% effort into figuring it out because he most definitely does not want to be in Rosalie’s line of fire.

Valid.

god this feels like im being chased by a serial killer with a fucking boombox blaring this

petition to remake all of the twilight movies where everything is the same except that bella is played by john mulaney who has not been given a script and just has to deal with these circumstances as they come.