♡ neurodiverse ♡

now the only problem is that they’re not the best at replying to texts, so i can’t ask yet, but i also can’t book any of the other activities i really want to do while i’m there because i’d need a date for the tour first to avoid clashes.

like yeah, they’re good at reading and understanding the types of indirect communication we (autistic individuals) often overlook or spend years trying to learn, but it seems like a lot of them are kinda scared of just straight up saying what they’re thinking or feeling... apparently they’re scared of being ostrasized or excluded from social communities if they actually communicate their needs, which i think is both interesting and sad.

like i’m generally quite good at inter-personal relations with allistics when it comes to friendships and other casual things where you kind of know how much you should expect and how much you can expect from the other person, but when it comes to any kind of possible romantic relation, i’m at a complete loss. i can never figure out how much i can and should expect from the other person, and i’m always terrified of overwhelming them and scaring them away because i like them so much (which has happened so many times that it’s made me scared of showing any interest at all now), and it’s so frustrating!

i hate the games that come with dating and flirting; ignoring texts to not seem eager, or pretending like you don’t wanna hang out with them even though they’re all you can think about. it would be so much easier if we could just be like “we both like each other, and would like to start dating, so how about we find a way to make it happen” but if you do that now, the other person might lose interest because you’re ‘too available’ which is apparently just as bad (if not worse) than being ‘too emotionally unavailable’, so it’s like this super fine balance of showing interest but not too much interest, and it is EXHAUSTING! especially when you already struggle with social bonds because then you end up overanalyzing every single thing you do, and if it doesn’t work out you probably end up blaming yourself for doing something wrong.