AspecScaredyCat

With the discussion of QPRs in fandoms I (an aroace-spec person who’s only interest in a relationship is a QPR) want to give a bit of a crash course on these types of relationships!

First off, the most obvious thing to go over is “What’s a QPR?”

QPR stands for queer platonic relationship. The meaning is kind of there in the definition. The most basic explanation is that it is simply a relationship that “queers” a platonic bond. However QPR’s can present in all kinds of ways, so this definition doesn’t always end up being the most accurate. Its only true requirement is that it doesn't strictly fit the expectations of a platonic or allonormative relationship.

“What is allonormative relationship”, you ask? It’s a relationship that fits the expectations of allonormativity, the (incorrect and aphobic) belief that all people experience romantic and sexual attraction and one must have a relationship that is inherently romantic and sexual to have a fulfilled life.

You may have deducted by now that QPRs are most common amongst aspec communities. This includes people who are on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrum, but also aplatonic, afamiliar, and other anattractional (lack of attraction related) identities.

However, one does not have to be aspec to be in a QPR! Nor do they have to be queer, however one may also argue that QPRs are inherently queer/are queer terminology, so, its up to you how you want to interpret that ^-^

It's important though to note that the label QPR is opt-in. What one relationship may label as a QPR, another may call a friendship or a romantic and/or sexual relationship. For example, friends with benefits is a well known term, and most think of it solely as a sexual relationship, but different people who have a similar relationship may define it as a QPR. You as a creator may see characters relationships as QPRs, but have some fun with considering how the characters you are shipping in this way may interpret it.

For example, I imagine Etho and Bdubs who I headcannon as asexual and arospec respectively to be in a QPR, but that’s not how they would define their relationship. They don’t know what the abbreviation QPR means. They’d define their relationship towards eachother as best friends even if they cuddle and kiss. Other people may interpret or label it as a romantic relationship. So you can see how its pretty up to interpretation and how you want to play around with it.

Additionally, in some QPR relationships, people may have other romantic or sexual relationships outside of this relationship, or they may be dedicated to acting as life partners, or even get married.

Now of course I don’t know everything about QPRs, but I do think this is a good amount of understanding for people to be at if they want to ship characters queer platonically

If you have more questions just ask and I’ll do my best to explain!!

He answers: I believe that whoever created the concept of soulmates should be taken into the town square and beaten to death. Or you should tell me who they are so I can send them a check for a couple of hundred thousand dollars, because they have done more to facilitate the demise of happy marriages than I could ever aspire to doing.

The concept of a soulmate to me is absolutely bizarre. To suggest that out of eight billion other people in the world, that there's just this one person, and they happen by the way to live within like the same town as you, where they went to the same university as you - what were the odds of that? And that's the only person you could ever have a happy, fulfilling relationship with. That's insane, folks. It's insane. And by the way, it's toxic. Because here's the thing: when you get married, society essentially tells you, this person, they're supposed to be your best friend, best lover, best roommate, best travel companion, best co-parent - that's a hell of a resume, guy. Like, it'd be shocking to find someone who fits all three of those things.

So what happens when you have this concept of a soulmate? And my partner, you know, they're the best co-parent, they're the best roommate, the best travel companion, but you know, they're not the best lover I ever had. Well, they mustn't be your soulmate then. That means that there's somebody out there in the eight billion people, that they would be the perfect one. And that's what the horizon that just forever recedes and keeps people constantly craving the next thing that might check all of the boxes. It's dangerous.

All aro and ace representation I’ve seen is about never dating, never feeling attraction or wanting to get married, never wanting a physical relationship, never wanting kids

It’s so extremely on the far end of the spectrum when in reality there’s so many ways to be aro and ace than what is shown online

But at the same time I can’t relate to allos, which is why I identify as aro ace in the first place

Aplatonic activism and instances changed me and affect me positively to an enormous degree, as an alloplatonic neurodivergent and mentally ill aroace.

They empowered me to enjoy my own company, knowing I don't need friends either to be happy; I can be content with myself. They made me see the value in loneliness. Considering socializing drains me fast, so I tend to stay alone in my room a lot, this is very relevant to me.

They made me look inward, noticing my internal narration is actually possibly the best company I could ask for 90% of the time (when depression doesn't turn it into literal hell). No other person on the planet would understand me better than myself. Nobody shares 100% of my values. No one person shares all of my interests. When I have a healthy dose of self-confidence, I actually laugh at my own wittiness and think that no single friend's humour caters to my taste nearly as well. It would feel frustrating and self-absorbed if aplatonism existing didn't make me realize it's okay to not place friends above yourself.

They taught me to be independent. That's still a work in progress but if I hadn't learned about aplatonism, I'd probably obsess over my best friends way worse than I already do.

It also taught me another level of consent. I have yet to meet an aplatonic person irl (at least as far as I know), but the idea that even placing a label like "friend" on someone without consent could be wrong makes me feel both safer myself (I've gotten a taste of it when my ex QPP broke up with me and asked if we could still be best friends. Wtf we were never best friends dude, just friends, that felt almost dirty), and probably makes people around me feel safer too. Since I'm friendship favourable it actually makes me experience my friendships more respectfully and thoughtfully so they come out healthier.

I don't mean to make it all about myself here—aplatonic people already get the shortest end of the stick when it comes to a-spec visibility and general attitudes towards them, so it's not in such good taste to bring the focus on me and my alloplatonism—but maybe some other alloplatonic people can come across this and be inspired to deconstruct their own platonormativity.

Aplatonic advocacy helps literally everyone I swear. Aro advocacy falls short in some places by too often shifting the focus on platonic bonds as a "replacement" for the "missing" romance. Understanding aplatonism directly contributed to actually *fully* deconstructing amatonormativity without just recycling the same rhetoric.

HAPPY PRIDE!!! (ik I’m like 20 minutes late 😭 how tf is it already July)

here’s a quick drawing of me and a couple friends :) me with the greyromantic and ace flags, friend 1 with the genderfluid, and friend 2 with the mlm flag

Reminder that pride doesn’t end just because June does, it’s a continuous fight for our rights not matter the month, and especially rn. Remember to look out for our community members, especially our trans and poc siblings. I love you all so much and I wish you all happiness and safety :)

One of the only asexual activists is Yasmin Benoit, a Black woman. She has raised so much awareness for the community. She was the first asexual person to lead Pride in London, she started the #thisiswhatasexuallookslike movement and is THE leading voice for the community.

And you all will celebrate international asexuality day on April 6th but we wouldn't even have that if she hadn't cofounded it.