;кυяαυ∂σ

Does anyone still follow this blog, I wonder? If not, I would not blame a soul. After all, I created this blog back in July of 2011. It had a good run, I believe, and I’d made several attempts to dip myself back into the tumblr roleplay world, but life always likes to throw me a curveball.

Perhaps it just isn’t meant to be.

It’s always nice to come back and look at this and my other Cloud blogs, however— when the occassion for remenescing presents itself. It was a very, very different time in my life. So different I wonder if I am still that same person anymore. In some ways, I feel nothing like him— that person was lost and confused about many a thing... but the man I am today is someone almost unrecognizable.

I feel good about that, though. It’s taken me awhile to get to this point of acceptance— much has happened in my life and I’ve gone through many a struggle to get here, to where I’m at now. And I know I’ve many more struggles still to get through, but I’m coming to terms with that. I don’t know if I can say I’m happy right now, but I am content and humbled. For now, that is good enough.

When I logged in, I did see I had received quite a few requests in my inbox— I thank those of you who had sent me things however long ago. And I am grateful to the friends I had made forever ago. If you hadn’t heard of me in a few years now, you likely haven’t the slightest idea of the internal battle I’ve been going through... and that’s ok. I’ve come out the other end now and, in retrospect, roleplaying was my way of coping. Writing is still very much a means of working through and expressing my internal struggles, but I have a much better and focused understanding of them now.

Thank you to those who interacted with me in the beginnings of my journey. You may or may not know the impact you had in my life, but it was felt— and still remembered, always, to this day.

—Clous

suitlessease replied to your post: suitlessease replied to your post Heh………. you...

I haven’t been on here for two years, otherwise I’d probably die from guilt. But I know I have one that’s at least more than 6 months, and miiiight be going on a year. (And that’s worse because I don’t go on enough to check lately. xP Soon! Soon!)

ooc;; haha, well... that last one's time stamp was back from November of 2011.  :| a little over a year.

Betrayed.

In the simplest of terms, that was what he felt that night.

Cloud didn't know what to think-- he felt a fool; anger had coursed through him like burning lead, scorching him within, stinging worse than a gauntlet to the face.  He had questioned many nights after that how he could have overlooked something like that, how could he have let his guard down enough to let someone slip through his defenses, his carefully placed and erected walls--?

The betrayal still stung a bit, even now, though he had come to know and trust Reeve as a person behind the overstuffed toy he had once hid behind.  If it hadn't been for the circumstances they had all been thrust into, Cloud didn't know if he ever would have been able to forgive Reeve for it-- for playing him such a fool and using Marlene the way he had.  For awhile, he hadn't been able to look at neither Cait nor Barret straight-- he felt like he had let everyone down, Barret most of all.  That was his little girl Reeve held hostage and Cloud blamed no one more than himself for letting a strange cat riding on a stuffed moogle of all things into their lives.

It wasn't even the Keystone Cait had passed to Tseng at the Golden Saucer that had Cloud worried, frustrated, livid about.  The act of betrayal itself, the cracking and crumbling of trust, the wrecking ball crashing full-force into the carefully placed barriers-- and Marlene.

fulfilledxxdesire replied to your post

[Picks up Obsidian and goes out for a walk until you’re done cleaning this mess up.] |: |: |: |: |: |: |: |: |: |||||:

turkleader replied to your post

[ooc] *Pats soothingly; feels your pain*

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( [- Brat snicker snicker…. -] [- …Lick! -] )