So, ladies, you say you want a raise? How should you go about getting it?
First, you have to figure out how to compete with the guy in the next cubicle. After all, he went to a school almost as good as yours. His grades were nearly as good as yours, too. He works hard. In fact, most mornings, heâs the second person in the office. You know this, because youâre always first. He is young, ruggedly good looking, and he washes his balls with a manly but fresh sandalwood soap.
Fortunately, the good folks at Womenâs Day and Summerâs Eve have a few words of advice for you.
(No, this is not from the Onion. It is really from a full page ad in Womenâs Day)
What is the very first thing you should consider if you want a raise? What is the most important thing of all?
Yup, wash that vagina, and wash it good. Remember the sandalwood-scented balls. You donât want any, ahem, untoward odors to interfere with your chances, do you? Whatâs that you say? You donât have an odor problem? Youâre clean, you bathe regularly, and you donât really need advice to use a product that âcleanses away odor-causing bacteria from the external vaginal area?â What are you, a barbarian? This is a raise youâre talking about.
That was #1 on the âhow to get a raiseâ list. What was last, least important? Well, after the âwash your vaginaâ advice, it must be something truly inconsequential, perhaps related to toenail hygeine with closed-toe shoes, right? Letâs seeâŚ#8
Focus on the things youâve done to improve the bottom line. Today itâs about your worth to the company.
Accomplishments? Who cares? Youâre a woman. Nobody wants to know about your accomplishments. No, what really matters is a great fresh cut flower smell from you-know-where.
Oh, and donât forget the penultimate piece of advice:
#7 - Donât let the conversation stray or get personal.
Yeah, donât let it get personal. Let the boss sniff your panties, just donât let it get personal.
If you think this is one of the most outrageous and insulting advertisements youâve ever seen, feel free to tell the people at Womanâs Day. You can also call them at (212) 767-6000.
And donât forget the Summerâs Eve people. Their toll-free number is 866-787-6383, and the website is HERE.