Sharing My Story

As I lay there A new set of tears To wash away my mistakes In hopes that it will erase My shameful pace. Why do we have to be Considered weak Looked at as an object And banned from The normal life. You were made for me They say. We were Made for you and only so That with ever struggle Comes a road. So why can't you walk On it alone? You don't Need us to hold your hand And we don't need you I promise. Can't we just live in peace We could flow such Beautiful harmonies But here we are Killing the melody.

I think I finally realized my problem. That I don't want to love someone But I love the concept of loving someone. That I don't really wanna lay in bed with you snuggling up close, but the idea of you being here right now sends chills down my spine. I don't want to kiss you forever, but I love the idea of us kissing forever. See I thought my problem was that I had lots of love to give, and I wanted to love everyone. I wore my heart on my sleeve and tried my best. I "fell in love" with everyone I met. But I suddenly hit me that I don't love everyone. I just love the concept of us loving each other. That I'm not ready, nor will I ever be, to love someone. Because I can't even love myself. I think I wanted to fall in love hoping that it would make me realize that I'm not evil. I'm a good person. That if someone in this dumb world loves me, than I should love myself. Well I'm sitting here now and no one loves me. But that doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love. I just have no concept of love because I can't even love myself. You can't say you love someone, if you don't love yourself, because how would you know what love feels like? I mean you're the most important thing. Be selfish and put yourself first. Spend money on yourself and see the world through your eyes. Then go back and put yourself second. Now you know how to love them, because you took the time to love yourself. You learned how it feels to love, and now you can show the world.

One of the few rules I like to follow in this life Is don't let the good things Take control of you And I've followed this rule Very well for a very long time And when I met you Oh how I knew That it would be hard to follow And I told myself That rules should be broken And I told myself But not this one because it's Just too important So I would lay in bed and think About if it would be okay To allow you to me and me to you And for along time I told myself No. You will Destroy your lungs. For a second I turned against The rule just to see how it would feel And I realize now why I don't Break these kinds of rules Because my lungs are filling With water from my tears And my heart is burning From the fire that has set And my soul is dark Because the candle has been Blown out and I don't know What to do because all I can Really think about is you And what could've been and I Feel so alone and so hated against I know we were nothing special I know I didn't allow much But now that you're gone I would allow it all In a second

I cried But not for you For me Because I realized That I was to you As the leaves To the trees In the Autumn And that it seems The seasons Never work In my favor Nor our favor It's too late For a beginning And much to early for an end But for some Lonely reason I feel that maybe It was worth it In the end I know though That I can't Relive the moments Where everything Was fine and we Were high off life And drunk from Emotion It hurts that I can't Remember the way You felt It's probably better That way because You seem to be Only good for My heart And wretched To my innocent soul I'm sorry

I open my eyes And see the sun begin to rise It's beautiful rays Caressing the sea Taking over me. I close my eyes And see the darkness consume It's an oblivion Eating away My heart and soul. I open my heart And have let you in Your eyes A constant reflection Of my sin. I closed my heart After your destruction To my heart And now I must Pick up and start anew. I now know better Than to open my eyes Than to open my heart Because when I see all the beauty It makes me fall back to you.

I stood up and you shouted at me A never ending phrase That woke up my brain Concocting new thoughts And old memories. I sat down and you continued shouting A one word answer That didn't help calm my questions And created new wonder So I went on a hunt. I hunted down your past And got unfortunate answers I looked through books That gave me more answers than I had expected. And it killed. It killed my soul And my will to learn It stopped me half way And now I'm stuck here sitting When I could be standing.

Maybe you're laying awake in bed Or maybe you're sleeping. Maybe you're letting your mind drift to the far left and right sides of the world. Letting your thoughts sink into the ocean Because they're to heavy for you to carry. Maybe they're evaporating into the sky because you've got a solution Or what if they're just racing through your head either because you don't want them to leave Or because you need them to stay. Do you need them to help you figure out your way? I know sometimes I think I need my thoughts to do that So I try really hard to remember them, but I usually forget But eventually they come back and that's when I know I'm on the right path Because they've secretly guided me giving me other thoughts Just showing up to check in on me.

Maybe you're laying awake in bed Or maybe you're sleeping. Maybe you're letting your mind drift to the far left and right sides of the world. Letting your thoughts sink into the ocean Because they're to heavy for you to carry. Maybe they're evaporating into the sky because you've got a solution Or what if they're just racing through your head either because you don't want them to leave Or because you need them to stay. Do you need them to help you figure out your way? I know sometimes I think I need my thoughts to do that So I try really hard to remember them, but I usually forget But eventually they come back and that's when I know I'm on the right path Because they've secretly guided me giving me other thoughts Just showing up to check in on me.

There is love in the air Don’t let your shallow Empty heart deny it. There are people out there Who are in pain because You hold them back with Pitch forks and hellish fire. You are walking down the aisle Happily seeing the light But all they see is a dim lit tunnel. Covering and containing Their hopes and their dreams The only things their heart could Ever possibly care about. And I know you can’t hear it Because you close your eyes Cover your ears and turn your head When you see these kids Behind a sick picket fence In need of food and water But more importantly In need of love and freedom. I know you don’t hear their cries But I do and it hurts It hurts every bone in my body And I can’t stand it anymore. Why don’t you just take their hearts So they don’t have to worry about you? Why don’t you take their skin So that there is nothing to shed Nothing that will taint you Perfect satin white dress. Why don’t you just take away Everything that has meant anything to them? Think about it. Think about it long and hard. And realize you can’t take that last one Because you already have it In your sinful hands.

AshurOdin

You are the sun and I am the moon. Hosting picnics and sunny days Under your rays I am the darkness. Reigning from within I cause problems and won't let you in. You're the sun Who shines ever so bright Creating "best days ever" And easing the world into night. In the moon Who watches over all Smiling over the world And soothing everyone into morning. You are the sun And everyone circulates around you In this constant never ending journey Leading new worlds into creation and love into formation. I am the moon who will always follow you Watching from afar Admiring your brightness. Knowing that we'll always be two But hoping that we'll become one.

I can't I can't stop loving you The way your eyes glisten And your voice echoes What am I suppose to do? While you continue on And I'm stuck in this grave Of love and despair I'm trying to unbury myself But you've closed the casket And swallowed the key You covered me with pain But now it's not even that It's just regret. Regret for admitting to myself I like you. Regret for staring at your eyes with love and passion. Regret for letting out lips met and write a song. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do now, but all I know is that I can't I can't stop loving you.

I was advised to stay away from you. But you heart kept calling my name. Beckoning me toward you as our worlds were spinning. Spinning so fast they were about to collide and from friendship there would be an unforgivable love. By saying hi to you I would pain myself knowing I would have to leave you soon, and the nothingness we shared would become forgotten memories. We loved each other. We love each other. But how can anything last when there’s a continent and a few oceans separating us from destiny. So we must confide in our friendship and become nothing more. We can kiss, but it’ll burn. It would be like pouring gasoline onto my heart and striking the match. Letting my heart catch on fire as I hold you. I know what I’m doing and it’s a sick obsession, but with a guy like that love is almost to much to ask. I can ask for advice but it’ll become such a chore because everyone knows about our love,our friendship, I mean love, no friendship, MY love. But what can we do when there’s nothing more? Nothing left of us? Our love ate us from the inside out. We have become corpses of love. We knew it would happen but we just couldn’t run. Everyone looks at me and says,” You should’ve just stayed friends”. But to me it was worth it in the end.

AshurOdin