Ashley

The trip was grueling. It felt never ending and I just wanted to see my best friend again. I have been stuck in my mind the whole ride. The boys were muffled voices. I only answered when needed. All I could think about was her. She was and always have been quite the motivation for most of my writing. I sound like a lovesick puppy, but it's the truth. I always freak when asked what songs are about. Because the answer of "my best girl friend who I care for more than anything" doesn't exactly hit PR well.

But I have to tell her how I feel soon. When the album comes out, I write one specifically about her. And by the mane itself she'll know. I just haven't gotten that far in how to tell her. But that is for another time. I'm already stressing out enough as it is.

We finally pull up to her work and my heart starts to race and my ears begin ringing. Why do I feel like this? Why does seeing her make me feel this way? This is normal right? Everyone feels this way after seeing their longest friend who you have deep feelings for and haven't seen in a while right? Oh god.

We make our way to the elevator thankfully with ease. Unfortunately it probably won't stay when we have to leave. It never does. We follow to the floor and room Eric texted Liam to find a secretary at a small desk. She looks bored out of her mind and takes a huge inhale as we approach.

"Name and time of appointment?" she juts out like it's a routine sentence. She hasn't even looked up. Wanna talk about bad customer service.

"We don't have one love. Our manager should have gotten here not too long ago," Liam speaks. We usually let him do all the talking. We don't mind it. Keeps us out of trouble most of the time.

She rolls her eyes before finally turning to look at us. Her jaw drops and her eyes go wide like saucepans. "No freaking way! You-you're-"

"Yes we are love. Now can we please join our manager?" Liam gets straight to the point.

Ch 3 (Snippet)

“I don’t know Ads. All this makes me want to drink all the pain away,” I manage to say through tears. I’ve only drunken one and I hated it. It was at Adelade’s party last year. It got messy and I got so aggressive. I never thought I’d drink ever again but here I am wanting to do nothing more than down a whole liquor store.

“Lyss are you sure? You said last-”

“I know what I said last time. But this pain is so strong Adelade. You don’t know what it’s like to feel abandoned. What it’s like to have someone not care about you. What it’s like to ALWAYS be put in the back of the line. Do you know I am only smart to show her I mean something? If it weren’t for her, I’d be in the Communes. Hell maybe it be different if my mother treated me like a daughter and not some random child she is forced to take care of!” I didn’t care what I said at this point. My mother drive me through the roof. All I wanted was to be cared about by my own flesh and blood.

“Ok Melissa. If that is what you really want. You know I am never one to turn down alcohol!” she spoke. She looked at me and held me as if I would blow up but wanted to support me. I hated feeling weak. I hated feeling like I wasn’t in control of my own life.

“Please Adelade. Please help distract me from my horrible excuse for a mother.”

Ch 2 (Snippet)

About 50 years ago all hell broke lose between citizens and the government. To my understanding it was a life full of riots and war. America was tired of the school systems failing the children and cheaters cheat their way to the top. History is one of my worst subjects but I got the main point of it. Somehow and someway the system we use today was created. In the first few years of school everyone started out in the same classes; as the subjects and material got more complex, that is when the separation between the children emerged. Around the 4th grade is when all the kids took a big test and were put into one of three categories: Advanced, Basic, or Commune.

The Advanced kids were those who were meant to be the doctors, lawyers, or any of the big career out there. They were the ones to be worshiped and made sure got all the possible information to be successful. The Basic kids were your everyday jobs; working at the grocery store, teachers, social workers, anything that is below the hight careers. They didn’t get the top education but they were taught quite well compared to the last group. The Commune kids were the lowest of the lows. This was a way of saying “you’re either gonna do the shittiest jobs or be homeless”. This group were the bus drivers, farmers, car mechanics and anything below. They got basic education but then were taught the majority of what is needed for the careers they could get in to. Many Commune people end up homeless or slaving at ANYTHING they can do for food, or they turned into criminals and getting tied up in nasty shit that will get them killed.

I am grateful to be in the Advanced group that was only recently I was put there. Kids get evaluated regularly and if they meet higher than what is recommend, then they get to be relocated to the next group. Or if they meet lower, they are moved down. I was in the Basic group from 4th grade all the way to the end of 7th. And from 8th grade on I have been in the Advanced group. It isn’t easy being here though. Always making sure you get the top scores or fear being relocated to the lower group. It’s quite scary if you ask me. My friend Adelade has been in the Advanced group the whole time. We have been friends since the beginning. Even though being in two different groups, they did allow recess times to be together which I was thankful for. I’m not easy to open up to and don’t make friends easily. I doubt she got into the Advanced group all on her own though. She is my best friend but she isn’t very smart. But I think it has something to do with her mother being the principle of the school. I don’t think it’s fair that she got the special attention because of that but as a child, you don’t pick how your life began or who your family is.

“Girl what in the hell are you doing in this cold!” I jump as Adelade yells to me. I look up and see she is making her way toward me in her dark blue skinny jeans, light pink top, white coat, and her white pumps. “Are you trying to freeze to death!”

“No I’m not. I didn’t even notice how cold it was. It’s been a rough morning and I couldn’t sit inside,” I reply. After what happened with my mom I needed to be outside.

“Well now that I’m here, let’s go inside and get ready for first period.”

I looked at my phone to see that it was nearly 8. I hadn’t even realized the time. But I did get pretty far in the next section.

“Damn ok. I’ve been here so long I lost track of time.”

“Wow. You and your mom get into an argument?” She asked me. She looked like she wanted to know all the details but not wanting to intrude.

Ch 1 (Snippet)

Every day we compare ourselves to the nasty, unhealthy way society pushes women and young girls to be. Looking into the mirror hanging on the back of my door, I don’t feel the way everyone says I should feel. I should feel proud, happy, and beautiful. But in reality, I fI feel empty, unhappy, and entirely unsatisfied that I don’t look as beautiful as the celebrities I always see. With a deep sigh I finish putting my hair up and smooth out the wrinkles in my clothes from being folded in my dresser drawer.

“Melissa Grace if you aren’t down here in five minutes I swear I will leave you here and you can walk to school!” I hear my mom yell from the bottom of the stairs.

I can’t sleep.

It feels like time is standing still.

My mind has started its Grand Prix.

Starting off strong but can’t pick one thought out of the bunch.

I can hear the cars passing by the closed window.

Even the white noise of silence has a tone.

Tossing and turning but can’t get comfortable.

Changing the way my mind racing doesn’t help.

It all goes back to running its laps.

How can one’s mind run so much and not get tired?

How can it be we can’t shut it off to get the rest we need?

It’s too late to start a race, but which thought will win?

The to-do list for the week?

How about all the bills to pay?

Chapter 2 (Snippet)

"I'm calling it," Jamie slams the book closed.

"Yea you're right," I sigh in defeat. My eyes were burning and my head pounding. Why does studying have to be so painful. I know most of what should be on the test. But you can never be too sure.

We both clean up and head to Jamie's shared bed. Not unusual for when we slept over at either of our houses. Next thing I know we are walking up to my front door to grab my wallet. Jamie lived next door so it wasn't needed last night. I unlock the door and we both enter the doorway into the living room.

The first thing I see is my couch ripped apart, stuffing is everywhere. The curtains ripped apart, glass everywhere. Then I see them, and the blood...so much blood. I feel dizzy and let out an ear piercing scream.

I quickly sit up in my bed dripping sweat. I hate having that nightmare. The memory plays over and over. I never have any other dream. It's never ending. I've had this dream nearly every night since it happened. And if the off chance I don't get it, it's a restless sleep and I dream of nothing.

Ch 1 (Snippet)

I thought that going to college would be the experience of a lifetime. Little did I know it would be the bane of my existence.

It was going great at first. I had my best friend Jamie attending with me, I was still at home (so no paying rent, yes please!), and I was excited to start the next chapter in my life. I was excited to start finding what I wanted to do for a career. Attending a community college isn't for everyone. But for those who don't have the money to attend big universities, or simply don't know what to do with their lives yet. I fell under the latter category. I didn't know what I wanted to do.

But I was ready to start this chapter with positivity and truly letting go of all the bad in my past. Well more like learning from it. You can't just let all that go, but you can learn and move on.

That is until another thing happens that messes with all of your planning.

That is until about 8 months ago.

Ch. 3 Mirror (Snippet)

"Wow. These are really good. You really know your stuff with action and catching those raw moments. This is exactly what we are looking for. It helps you have actually put concert photos in here and I'm impressed," Eric smiles at me and continues, "do you have a business card?"

"Yes sir. It's at my desk though. I can get and meet you at the lobby if that's ok Amy," I hesitantly add at the end. I sneak a quick glance at her and she doesn't seem very pleased.

"Yes," she answers sharply and through her teeth. I'm in for a joyous day tomorrow.

"Splendid! We will see you downstairs!" I take that chance to exit before anyone and the boys follow quickly after me.

"Ugh. I think you're lying you know. Probably just a crazed fan," the secretary speaks from her desk to me when I exit the office.

"Uh excuse me?"