It’s so important to me that the Shane in the Vegas bathroom, the Shane they show at the awards after-party, and then the Shane that goes to Ilya’s hotel room and touches himself on the bed are all different Shanes. The first is needy, overflowing with vulnerability and anger and desire. The second is performative, laughing, smiling, he’s good at this, when he has to be. The third is brave, getting what he wants, doing what he wants. On a surface level, Shane has had a great night!
But instead of basking in his night of pleasure and indulgence, he punishes himself on the way to the elevator, because after a night of hedonism for Shane Hollander—he got Rozanov to admit desire and he had sex and he did it while feeling powerful and desirable— he should feel satisfied right? He should he able to walk out the door and say yeah fuck Rozanov whatever, I got what I needed. But instead he’s carefully composing a “have a good summer!” text in the elevator and thinking about how much he still wants. How he wants to be held, and kissed, and maybe even treated like a friend? But that desire is unreasonable, for Shane. He’d thought there would be an end, a time when enough would be enough. When will the wanting and needing end? When will he be satisfied? When will he cease to need anything at all?
