asael

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

Common eider

could you imagine if it happened this pride month

The crazy thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if you asked me on any given day "Would like to see a picture of some genitals?" my answer would be "😰 No, that's... No, thank you. I'm okay, actually." I have nothing but the utmost respect for people who do engage with the penis side of the internet, but personally, I've spent the better part of two decades doing all I can NOT to have pictures of dick and balls or sexy bikini babe buttcheeks blasted onto my retinas constantly. And yet... to be denied the penis? To have a jumped up pile of javascript tell me, a grown adult with an air fryer and an outstanding council tax bill, that I cannot be trusted to withstand the sight of a bare nipple unless I let it scan my drivers' license? I will move heaven and earth to see that fucking nipple, friend. I will walk a thousand miles barefoot on hot coals before I give you big brother bitches my passport number. A thousand miles through the desert with five VPNs just to press my face up against the glass and see the last uncensored picture of two My Little Pony Characters sixty-nining each other, and I don't even want! to look at it! But I will! I must! for the sake of our fucking democracy!

HATE when you can't stand someone who is literally harmless. Like oh I'm the bitch here. I'm 100% in the wrong but nonetheless fuuuccckkk this guy

I love getting comments on old fics because I'm so so delighted to know anyone is still reading them, but if you asked me when I wrote this fic, I would've been like 'oh, five years ago maybe? Four?' NOPE. TEN YEARS. Wow.

relentlessly funny to me when people treat a relationship between someone in their 30s and someone in their 40s as "age difference". bro i cannot tell you which of my friends are 34 and which are 44. i can probably tell you which ones aren't 30 yet, but it's probable some of them are 50 now and i didn't notice. if you're over 30 and don't have kids, it's kinda all one age until you can collect social security.

The problem with commercial F/M romance is that it's written by the most heterosexual women alive and reading it you feel yourself slowly suffocating from the Gender of it all like a fish in a eutrophying lake. And what we actually need as a culture is F/M written by insane bisexuals violently allergic to heteronormativity

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

#really cannot emphasize enough how much iguanamouth changed the site’s sense of humor and therefore the timeline of the western world

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

y’all my friend decided to investigate what was blocking their drain system and you are not prepared for the answer

bad and naughty children get put in The Pear Wiggler to atone for their crimes

that post about kim kitsuragi only looking cool because he's standing next to harry seriously changed my read of his entire character. like he actually is just a weird nerd who finally gets to experience being cool because his partner is the most fucked up guy alive

your nerdy pilot cosplay starts looking a whole lot cooler when you're walking around with a guy whose pants have visibly been pissed in at least once