What's the point of a diary if you're not lying in it?
On Anaรฏs Nin, literary self-mythologizing, and why personal writing should always be slightly dishonest. (from my substack)
If youโre not lying in your diary, youโre just journaling, and journaling is for people who donโt know how to edit.
A diary is not a record of events; it is an act of creation. The best diarists know this instinctively. Anaรฏs Nin knew it better than anyone. Her diaries were not mere confessions but performances, half-lit mirrors where the truth shimmered, distorted but no less real.
Nin understood that life is not lived in a single register. Her diaries are a study in contradictionโone moment, she is in love; the next, repulsed. She is independent yet wholly consumed by those around her. But contradiction isnโt falsehood; itโs literature. She rewrote and edited her diaries, sculpting herself into the character she wanted to be. And is that really so dishonest?
People love to be outraged by the idea of a diary that is not entirely factual. But fact is not the same as truth. Diaries, at their best, are emotional truths, shaped by mood, by desire, by the need to impose a narrative on the chaos of daily life. Nin was not interested in being objectiveโshe was interested in being immortal. She once wrote, โWe write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.โ But why stop at tasting? Why not rewrite, reshape, embellish? If we can curate the lives we present to others, why should we not do the same for the versions of ourselves we leave behind?
Nin herself was a master of this. She edited her diaries before publication, removing, refining, turning herself into a protagonist. She blurred lines, shifted timelines, made herself more alluring. She called it shaping reality. Others call it lying. The truth, of course, is that all personal writing is selective. Even in confession, there is curation.
The danger, of course, is that history will take the performance at face value. That the diary, once private, will harden into biography. But this, too, is a kind of truth. A diary is not a static object. It lives, it breathes, it deceives, but always in service of something larger than the mundane details of existence.
