arsonisticnesswriter

Someone pretty please buy me lunch so I can sound like this all day 🤭💨

I’ll post all the aftermath if you can help me get good and gassy 🥹👸🏻

Cash app $princessbubblesf

These farts happen with seemingly no rhyme or reason. Regardless of whether they're idle, doing an idle animation, performing an attack, or in an important cutscene, they can fart at any time and send their low-poly cape fluttering out. Their gas is made worse by the fact that eating at taverns replaces sleeping at inns in this game, and the food they serve is the greasiest, grungiest, gassiest stuff you could find in a fantasy setting.

The NPCs in the game barely if ever acknowledge the deluge of farts. They never comment on it or react to it, even when the protagonist is nonchalantly cutting off their dialogue with a meaty ripper. If anything, they're kinda making it worse by giving out free consumable items and running the taverns that enable the protagonist to both heal and fuel up.

The more the main hero farts, the more noticeable this... peculiar smell coming from the speakers gets. It reeks of rotten veggies, meat, eggs... the stink varies, but usually varies according to what consumable item or tavern food they last ate. Sometimes it can get especially pungent, especially indoors and/or when the camera is close up.

The player isn't alone in noticing, either. The NPCs can also smell the protagonist's farts, they just don't have lines of dialogue to express their disgust or an animation of them covering their nose. If you look closely, you might notice their low-resolution expressions start to look sicker and more irritated the longer the hero is left to idle near them and fart randomly.

Worst(?) of all, the protagonist themself knows too. They're actually more likely to fart if they're close to the camera or an NPC, and if the player ever gets up and leaves the room for whatever reason (i.e getting a snack, opening a window), the unattended hero is liable to sieze the moment by sidling closer to an NPC and letting it rip, or proudly lifting a leg when they're not supposed to have an animation for that. If the camera's already close, they might even run up to it, practically jam their ass against the screen, and rip such loud, proud, and bubbly ass that the player can hear it clearly from another room... only for them to run back and find their character innocently in the middle of a fidget animation, as if they didn't just make the living room smell twice as bad as it did before. They refuse to do it again if the player tries to reproduce the event.

So instead, I offer: the warmth of farts as a relief.

It’s winter, and Person A is freezing. They’ve just come in from outside and the upper layer of skin for their face, ears, and whatever else was exposed to the elements still feels frozen through. Maybe the heater is still taking a while to kick in, so the inside of the house is cold too.

Fortunately, they know they have a full night of cuddling with Person B ahead of them. And Person B has been eating their favorite (gas-inducing) food all day.

Lying in a Q&A video to her fans that she won't hire an editor because she 'enjoys the process' and not because she'd rather die than have someone else slave away combing through hours of footage to cut her various gaseous expulsions that ring out during a recording session.

Sheepishly checking up the package tracking of several sound absorbing panels for her walls after her Wendy's family-sized chili bucket and baconators story time session had her relentlessly barking out of both ends so much, it caused her apartment neighbors to ask if she could quiet her dogs down(She doesn't have pets).

Investing in some thick rugs under her table and chair so she when she's straight-facing a long, quiet rumbler it won't visibly ripple whatever drink she has in a glass.

Investing in a large standing desk to eat off of so she can raise it just enough between cuts to subtly unbutton or loosen her pants mid-recording, and getting a stream deck so she can mute mics if and when she's got big ones she needs to rip/can't hold back.

Forgetting to prerecord an ad read and having to do it mid recording, wiping the ring of Buldak ramen broth off her lips and having to retry takes because she keeps cutting herself off with long gurgly belches or cheek trembling toots. She manages to wield it back and get a good take in, hitting the clip button just in time before she winces and ripples a long, bubbly one up the back of her seat.

Shaking hands after signing a long term sponsor deal, internally dancing off the walls when she sees that the big wigs use the elevator closest to them and not the one she took... squeezing in a review of local café an hour before on an anxious tummy did her no favors farting up the small metal space. At least she got, well, most of it out before she hit the meeting room floor.

Keeping the center console of her car stocked with sprays and air fresheners for her car reviews, she forgot to do so last time and reviewing the new Dave's Hot Chicken Hot Mozz left her visibly fogging up her windows with her gas before having to roll them down and drive home in her smog.

I'm really into the idea of a character with a stomach ache getting their belly rubbed and being unaware they have trapped gas. Whoever is rubbing their tummy hits a kind of sweet spot, and they barely have time to react before they let out a massive burp or fart.

"They're usually not this bad."

She says, gripping the arm of her metal chair to minimize the visual trembling from her caramel brownie sundae-powered rumblers at the Ice Cream Parlor. She mentally pats herself on the back for choosing the the far corner outdoor seating...This time.

She huffs to herself with a pout, a hazy flush on her face as her large birthday cake cold brew latte has her toots coming out so warm, it's causing condensation to form on the metal walls of the elevator. Thankfully she's always the first to arrive in the office, the elevator will air out before people start flowing in. Always does.

She drunkenly mutters into her hand, faking that she left her phone at the table to separate from the girls and drop a few bombs, the deep, bassy, bubbly ones are quick to heat up the cushioned both seat. It should be illegal for edm clubs to serve Veggie Samosas, practically a war crime that they're actually good too.

She mutters under her breath as she feels all of her cheek meat rippling from a seemingly endless guttural fart roaring through her sleep shorts-covered rear. Bar crawl hangover aside, she's appreciative of the loud ass semitruck 'covering' for her at the red light of the crosswalk she's trying to clear. She can smell that they, at some point, went to Buffalo Wild Wings, as per tradition when they get blackout drunk. She's so out of it it hasn't even occurred to her that she's on autopilot, heading towards the big golden arches with her go-to breakfast order subconsciously ready.

Thanks for the ask!

I was originally thinking of a fart contest, but then that turned into a different idea...

A and B are both driving home after a long day, but A in the passenger seat is nursing a huge amount of gas and trying not to let it out. Eventually though, the length of the journey (and a few potholes) forces their hand, and they start to fart as quietly as possible.

As soon as B catches wind of what A's up to, they immediately reply by locking the windows. When A tries to open them, they find they're trapped with B, and immediately shoot B a dirty look, which gets ignored.

A few minutes later, A feels a much larger fart coming... except now that they know they can't even be courteous about it, they don't even bother. They just lean away from B and rip raucous ass in their direction to make them realize locking the windows was a bad idea.

Pimmy (Pimento), my dragon lady!!