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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@aroundandsurrounding
mumble mumble mumble government conspiracy mumble mumble minor inconvenience mumble mumble attacking me exclusively and personally mumble mumble mumble mumble comedic abuse of power for no practical gain mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble...
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The human soul is a real and we know it because every once in a while a moblie game ad would be funny enough to actually watch but shitty mobile game ads are always ai now and not a one has been good since.
The sun's "health-giving rays of light" are actually beams of electromagnetic RADIATION that are a BYPRODUCT of NUCLEAR fusion. These aforementioned BEAMS are scientifically proven to cause things like SKIN CANCER because the radiation DAMAGES YOUR CELLS with overexposure. Certain stores sell photoprotective topical creams but make sure they use octyl methoxycinnamate, or else you might as well just be buying SNAKE OIL.
Stay safe and stay woke people.
No conspiracy today; theres a strange energy in the air so all affects are canceled. Be safe.
A number of fridges gain varying levels of sentience at some point after their creation. This often goes unnoticed as fridge cognizance testing is usually a professionally undergone set of trials, but here's some quick and easy tests for you to conduct right from your own kitchen!
1. Kicking the fridge. All awakened fridges are masochists (cause uncertain) and are prone to exclaiming in joy when kicked repeatedly. The Fridge G-spot is located on the inside of its freezer unit; though a few gentle kicks on the outside should still suffice. If sentient, the sounds of reverberating metal within the fridge as you kick it will sound as though they were pitch shifted higher in a classical editing software.
2. Gripping its handle. All fridges long for physical connection in an environment where they do not feel like theyre being exploited for their contents. Hold onto your fridges handle and apply moderate, intermittent pressure for 15-20 seconds to assure your fridge that it is seen and that you love it beyond its cooling capabilities. If your fridge is sentient, it will start shaking about halfway through this test as it has likely never felt true comfort before!
3. Kissing the fridge. This doesn't do anything for the fridge, but bridging the gap between anything non-human (fridges) often means that lots of things will go unappreciated due to a lack of cultural context. Kiss that fridge!
As a final note, ive heard a number of concerns about if their fridge is consenting to their advances and if they can tell or not. If you are to try one of the above steps for the first time on a new fridge, its important to give that fridge about a minute of time afterwards to consider if it wishes to pursue this further. If you are rejected, the light within the fridge will become a humming red and will not go away even upon changing the bulb within. So dont be afraid to kiss that fridge and dont be afraid to take no for an answer!
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Dacryphilia selfcest/clonecest
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#ConspiracyTheory
People who aren't Homestuck fans and people who are Homestuck fans all getting together and collectively saying that Homestuck is bad no matter how much they actually like since like 2012 is actually a giant psy-op by the government using memetic warfare to limit the progression of society towards wokeisim on a level never before seen.
The Jokification of Weezer around the late 2000's and early 2010's was actually created as widespread propaganda by Twilight fans to keep people from raising their standard of quality for media and music, thus keeping them from realizing Twilight sucked and leaving the fandom.
Selfcest
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#conspiracy theory
Its hard being a conspiracy theorist in the modern day when anything I think of is just little baby shrimp kiddie pool tier compared to actual real events nowadays
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There is a recent idea that "Y/N" is an eldritch being that bends reality to their motives and a malicious, flanderizing force for their goal of "story progression." This is a flawed perspective that is expected of the lesser minded.
Is the dying of one's hair to complimentary colors a flanderization of your undertones? Is a person with lanky fingers flanderizing their limbs if they stretch out their hands?
"Y/N" is omnipresent. Changing CEO's to be obsessive and female coworkers to be vindictive and jealous is simply "Y/N" experiencing itself differently. Their being is simply so encompassing that it branched into 8.8 Billion micro-conciousnesses. "Y/N" experiencing the world is simply the world experiencing itself.
Wearing sunglasses inside does not increase your light sensitivity overall and simply increases your admirability status by roughly 40%. No one knows this because they cannot see item's stat blocks like I can.
There is a lot of internet propaganda going on right now, so I'd like to be a bastion of truth for my consumers:
Do not believe the people who claim humming birds are graceful, soft, or generally elegant birds. They are vicious hunters and sound like high powered fans with bits of paper stuck between the blades. They approach plants with a goal and an ingracious hum of vigor and fury.
Elevators are...untrustworthy.
The reason hygienists do all the work in a dentist's visit but the doctor gets all the credit in the end is because all doctors are actually greater hellborn who have human souls that they've taken from contracts work as uncredited interns. This is why you rarely see the dentist's during your visit, as it takes a lot of power to stay on the mortal realm for any purpose besides making a contract.
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The frozen pizza industry exists to undercut the costs of modern pizza and their delivery services to make way for something sinister
There's a large increase in the worldwide suicide rates every turn of a new year. Maybe theres something poetic about human sadness reaching an apex during what should be a globally acknowledged fresh start. Maybe theres something poetic about one of the most romantic days of the year sharing a date with one of the saddest. Maybe its not poetic, though. Maybe its just sad.