aromantic support

I told everyone that

I would never fall in love.

Adults all laughed

And smiled knowingly.

“Just wait ‘til you’re older,”

They would say

“You’ll change your tune.”

But I didn’t.

And I won’t.

They don’t laugh anymore

When I say that

I don’t want to get married.

They exchange worried glances

As though there is something wrong with me.

As though I am broken.

But I am not broken.

In fact, I am

Completely whole

I don’t have a resource list unfortunately, but I would strongly recommend Arocalypse. It’s a forum for aromantics and includes a really good faq. You’re also welcome to go there and chat with the regulars, and if you have questions they even have an anonymous q&a section.

You’re absolutely welcome to ask questions here if you want to as well. 

It is okay if you personally don't want a partner.

And this still applies if you're allosexual.

Some of the worst arophobia I have seen on this site has been from people who seem to think that it suddenly becomes okay and acceptable to slut-shame people so long as they're aromantic.

"Aromantic people are just straight men who want to have sex with women and then dump them!"

"If the 'a' includes aromantics then frat boys are lgbt!"

"Aromantic? Don't you mean sociopath?" (This is also, obviously, ableist, btw. Having a mental disorder doesn't preclude you from being a good person if you want to be.)

Look, it's not 1856. You shouldn't have to declare your undying love for somebody and get permission from a vicar before you're allowed to sleep with them. While sex can be a way for people to become closer as a couple or show their love for their partner, it can also just be like a fun activity that you do because you're horny. And while I feel like a lot of people on this site claim to agree with that statement, some of them really seem to have trouble understanding that it doesn't magically stop being true because you're aro.

Aros can have multiple partners.

Aros can have casual friends with benefits situations that aren't anywhere near as intense/committed as qprs.

Aros can have random hookups.

Whatever you do in bed, it is literally nobody's business except you and any people you currently happen to be in bed with. So long as everybody involved is consenting, being safe and having a good time, you're not doing anything wrong.

And this still applies if you are a heterosexual, cisgender man.

Your attraction is not inherently predatory, misogynistic or objectifying just because it isn't accompanied by romantic feelings. You don't owe people mushy feelings and a relationship just because you had sex with them. If you go into a sexual encounter with someone making it clear that it's just going to be about sex, and then they start getting upset with you for not providing more, then that's not your fault.

Don't feel obliged to do things that aren't natural to you just because alloros try and guilt you into it.

And for everyone else:

If your sex positivity doesn't include aromantics, then it's not true sex positivity.

Enthusiastic consent:

When I want you

When I don’t fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no

When saying no means missing out on something I want

Willing consent:

When I care about you though I don’t desire you (right now)

When I’m pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that I’d regret saying no

When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes

Which is a definition of consent that gives sex workers agency and sees their consent as a choice made again and again based on the pros and cons, not something that is coerced and also not something that always exists by default simply because they are sex workers.

Yeah, absolutely. Lots of aro people still want/enjoy doing romance coded things or being in romantic relationships for a whole host of reasons.

There’s even a label for aros who experience little or no romantic attraction and still want/seek out romantic relationships called cupioromantic.

All the best!