the wip machine

"Listen - are you about to fire me?" I blurt out before I can stop myself, and I already regret it a second later. Why can't I just shut up and let him speak first? "Because I really like working here, but I also really like her, so… please don't make me choose?"

Maybe I should have thought about this before I started dating my boss's ex-wife. On the other hand, I did think about it. It was literally my immediate concern, back when Addie first kissed me. Well, right after I managed to recover from said kiss. I figured it might be a bad idea, but I was so head over heels for her that I pushed those concerns aside for as long as possible.

"Fia. Relax, please," Amir replies, looking slightly amused about my little outburst. He takes a careful sip from his coffee, then gets up and walks around his desk, leaning on it. "We're good. Really. That's actually all I wanted to say, so things don't get weird around here. It's literally none of my business what my employees do in their free time. Or my ex-wife, for that matter. Just wanted to make that clear." He looks at me intently, repeating, "We're good."

Relieved, I take a deep breath, letting go of all the tension I was holding. "Good. I know it's a little awkward but-" I stop myself before I say something stupid, instead I murmur, "Thank you. I'm very glad you say that."

Now that Addie and I are official, I really felt like it was time to let him know, so she told him about us yesterday. And yes, she said he was pretty relaxed about it, albeit surprised - still, I've been obsessing over this talk all morning, imagining how it would go over and over, and every new iteration turned worse somehow, until I was convinced this could only end disastrously. That even though they separated amicably and are pretty good friends now, he would hate the fact that we're dating. I don't know from which depths of my silly brain that came from.

We smile at each other a little awkwardly, and I'm not sure if our talk is already over and I'm supposed to leave or not.

"It's just…," Amir finally says, searching for the right words. "Be careful with her, okay?"

Confused, I blink at him. "Careful how?" What is that supposed to mean? Is he worried that I'm going to break her heart? That's a little ridiculous.

"Addie…" He sips his coffee for a moment. "Addie always gets what she wants. Which is great - as long as that's what you want, too. But she has this way of getting inside your head and…" He rubs his face. "All I'm saying is, don't let her steamroll you into things you're not comfortable with."

I still have no idea what he's even talking about. "Like what?"

"Anything, really." He chuckles, looking at me. "She started improving your wardrobe yet?"

I stare at him, a little stumped. I didn't realize that was a regular thing for her. "Well, she bought me some things," I admit, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

Insisted on it, actually. Our wealth gap continues to feel a little weird to me, but Addie just earns so much more money, so right from the start, she was always the one paying for things, claiming that she doesn't mind at all. And supposedly, she really likes giving gifts to people she cares about. So by now, she has already bought me a few pretty dresses that were a little outside of my personal price range, and I am still trying to get used to that. My best friend Mika even called her my sugar mommy, which definitely doesn't help with the uncomfortableness.

"But she does have great taste," I add, a little defensively. Addie has a knack for fashion, and everything she picked for me looks pretty stunning, despite it not necessarily being my usual style.

"She does, absolutely," Amir agrees. "I'm just saying, you're allowed to decline sometimes."

"Noted." I frown at him, slightly uneasy. I'm not exactly sure where this whole speech is going - what is his point? Is he trying to talk me out of this relationship? Is this a jealousy thing after all? Because I really don't see what the problem with buying a few clothes for me is.

Amir looks at me silently for a long moment, then he rubs his face again. "I'm sorry, I don't even know-" He interrupts himself and takes a big gulp of his coffee. "You're a grown-ass woman, you don't need very unasked relationship advice from your boss of all people." I'm glad he realizes that it is indeed a little weird. "Blame it on being too damn early. Tell you what - how about we both pretend this conversation ended when I said 'we're good', and we never talk about this ever again."

"Sounds good," I nod enthusiastically. It definitely does.

"Great. Then back to work."

"On it, boss." He sits down behind his desk, and I make my way to the door. "Oh, Mr. Bradford wants you to call him back."

Amir sighs dramatically. "If you insist on ruining my morning, I'll reconsider that 'not firing you' part."

I laugh and make a face. "Sorry."

"Yeah, yeah," he chuckles. "Give me another hour to wake up properly, then you can put him through."

"Got it."

Yeah, I'm really happy I don't have to find a new job.

---

I shrug. "What do you mean?"

Addie tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You, my darling, have been unusually quiet today, so there seems to be something on your mind."

Damnit. Am I really that bad at hiding it? "It's nothing." I wave her off, knowing full well she won't accept that answer.

Fuck it. I've been putting this off for days now. I don't want to have this talk, even though I know I have to. I hate this.

Gnawing on my lips, I sigh, before quietly announcing, "I have to tell you something."

"Okay?"

Addie looks at me, patiently waiting, but I have a hard time keeping eye contact for this, so instead, I stare at the ground. Then she gently grabs one of my hands, intertwining our fingers, caressing me with her thumb. Usually, I love all those little gestures, those casual touches, because they always feel so affectionate. Caring. And right now, this is meant to be supportive, encouraging - but that only makes it harder.

I pull away, untangling our fingers, and wrap my arms around my knees instead. After taking a deep breath, I finally get it over with.

"I know this… this thing between us is supposed to be casual. Just sex. A little distraction. Like, I knew that from the start, and I was fine with it." I really was. I couldn't believe my luck when that beautiful, smart, successful woman I had a massive crush on actually wanted me, too, but I was well aware that it would never result in anything more than a fling. How could it? "The problem is…" I take another deep breath, still unable to look at her. "I tried, I really tried to keep it casual. But right now, I am failing miserably, because you're just so…" I shake my head, looking for the right word. Stunning. Amazing. Breathtaking in every conceivable way. God, why am I so pathetic? What am I even doing here?

"Fia. Look at me, please," Addie says, her voice gentle. When I finally manage to force myself to do so, she softly asks, "Is this a breakup talk, or a love confession?"

I make a face. "The latter. Ideally." Yeah, maybe I sent the wrong signals with my weird little speech here. I'm terrible at this stuff.

She chuckles and caresses my face. "Come here."

I sink into her arms, and she wraps me up tightly, nuzzling into my hair, while I inhale her familiar smell for a second.

"I'm crazy about you," I say before I can stop myself. "Every day, I'm falling for you more and more. And I have no idea how I can keep pretending that I'm not."

"Then don't," Addie replies, and I look up at her, a little confused. "Do you want us to be less 'casual'? A real, serious relationship?"

"Is that an option?" I ask, baffled.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because I don't fit into your life." Isn't that obvious? She's so busy with all her work stuff and her extensive social life and all that. It's one thing to have me over for a night here and there, but to make this something real? "Also, you are so far out of my league in every way. The thought alone seems ridiculous."

Addie frowns. "Darling, what are you talking about?"

"What, you want to be like 'This is my girlfriend, the college dropout. She works as a secretary.'?"

She strokes my cheek. "You really think I care about that? Besides, I should be the one worrying - you might realize soon enough you don't want to be with an ugly, old hag twice your age."

"Oh please," I laugh, rolling my eyes. So what if she's approaching fifty, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and will be when she's a hundred.

Addie gets serious again. "Of course you fit into my life. I'll make space for you. Because I really, really enjoy you. Not just the sex. You." I gaze at her, trying so hard not to choke up. Does she actually mean that? Her smile makes the butterflies in my stomach go wild. "So - can I introduce you to people as my scandalously young girlfriend from now on?"

"I'd like that. A lot," I answer with a grimace. I'd love nothing more, in fact.

"Well, it's settled then," she grins and pulls me into a kiss.

Holy shit. That went… surprisingly well. Huh.

"But just for the record?" Addie murmurs against my lips. "We should work on your way of setting the mood for a talk like this."

"Yeah, we should… Sorry about that," I laugh, nuzzling into her face. Let's assume I don't need a 'talk like this' anytime soon.

---

"Hey." I force a smile and glance at his name tag - 'Mickey' - wondering if this is his real name. I considered putting a fake one on mine for a moment, but then decided against it.

"First time?" Mickey asks.

"Yeah," I confirm with a grimace. "You?"

"Yeah."

We small-talk for a few minutes, then Clyde, the group leader, ushers us all to the chairs standing in a circle. He welcomes the new attendees, emphasizing how glad he is that we're here, and that every contribution is very much appreciated. Also, we are all "so brave" to be here.

I scoot around on the hard wooden chair to find a comfortable position while being regaled by one of the members' stories about getting autopsied by 'her' scientist. Most of the others listen intently, nodding along.

"Vivisection," I finally murmur under my breath.

Mickey leans over a little. "What?"

"Well, if she's not dead, it's not an autopsy," I explain, whispering. "It's a vivisection." I got schooled on the difference myself not too long ago, even though mine turned out to be 'just' a hypnosis-induced hallucination, and Helena didn't actually cut me open. Seemed pretty real in that moment, though.

Mickey chuckles, then we join in to half-heartedly applaud the vivisected woman and her account.

Next, group leader Clyde gives a boring, endless talk about our legal rights as scientific test subjects, then he pivots to how most of us are too emotionally entangled with our scientists, making the whole thing a lot more complicated.

"So the first step of getting out of a toxic relationship like this is," Clyde lectures, "you have to want to get out."

"This is bullshit," I whisper to myself with an eyeroll - judging by the way he now looks at me, apparently not quietly enough. Blushing, I scramble to apologize. "Sorry, I didn't mean… sorry."

"No, please." Clyde gives me a forced smile. "We're all about open communication here. Speak your mind."

"It's just…" I gnaw on my lip, trying to find the right words. "I don't see why the goal has to be to get away. I mean, I'm sure it's different for every one of us, but I don't want to leave. I love her. And she's really smart and doing important work, so it's nice to play a part, right? Help with scientific progress? And like, I don't even mind the experiments. Mostly. Well, the plant monster was maybe a little extreme, but…" I frown at the memory for a second, then kick my brain back into focusing on the present. "And I know she'd never actually let anything serious happen to me! But I just would like to get asked beforehand, y'know? Instead of suddenly waking up from getting drugged again, strapped to a table, her looming over me menacingly, eyeing my naked body, and…" I clear my throat, feeling myself blush. "Anyway. I don't think 'getting out' has to be the ultimate end goal. Instead, we could maybe focus on how to achieve a more equal relationship, right? How to approach a consent discussion and things like that?" Getting self-conscious about my spontaneous little speech, I make a face. "Sorry, didn't mean to butt in like that."

Clyde stares at me with a deep frown, but before he can say anything, Mickey suddenly starts applauding, and a few of the others hesitantly join in.

"Thank you," Clyde notes, squinting at my name tag, "…Fia. That is a very valid point for discussion." He gives me another forced smile and looks into the group. "Now, who's next?"

I sink into my chair, a little embarrassed, when the guy with the third eye talks about how his scientist is still trying to clone him, unsuccessfully so far, and how it's messing with his mind, because he thinks he's about to be replaced, and he has mixed feelings about that.

A few accounts later, we reach the last program point - Clyde leading a guided meditation to strengthen our root chakra, so we can better endure whatever is to come.

I'd rather get locked in with the plant monster again, if I'm being honest.

Mickey elbows me. "Wanna get out of here?" he whispers, and I nod promptly. The hell is a root chakra anyway?

Outside, Mickey lights a cigarette. "Well, that sure was… something," he states with a chuckle.

Peeling off my name tag, I laugh. "Sure was."

"You wanna get a coffee together?"

I probably should decline, it's pretty late in the evening, and I don't even know the guy - but maybe this experience has forged a strange bond between us already. "Yeah sure, why not."

While we're walking toward the coffee shop across the street, Mickey glances at me. "Okay, but I just have to ask - this is a sex thing for you, right?"

Stumped, I blink at him. "What, no?! It's not- it's not a sex thing!" I stammer at this sudden intrusive question, feeling myself blush. "…well, not exclusively a sex thing…"

---

further recommended reading, very explicit: the vivisection, the plant monster

She's so stunningly beautiful, especially now, bare-faced, unguarded. I know she probably wouldn't appreciate it too much that I'm staring at her like this, when she always takes so much care of her appearance. But I can't help it; she's breathtaking. How can I not study every single detail of her? The curve of her brows. Her fine nose, and the way it always does that cute wiggle when she laughs. Her lips. God, those lips. The lines on her face, around her eyes and her mouth. Her dimples.

Her whole body is a marvel. I am addicted to her, to every square inch of her skin, every perfect little imperfection. The few freckles on her shoulders. The tiny, faded scar on her stomach. The birthmark on the inside of her left thigh. Her smell. Her taste.

The way she cums for me. Just completely lets go, unravels for me. God, the noises she makes, and the way the orgasm shudders through her whole body. The little goosebumps it gives her, the way she looks at me, face flushed, breathing hard. I always enjoyed getting my partner off in bed - most people do, I assume? - but this is another level. If she wanted to put me on a leash and keep me under her desk, I'd be fine with that.

We've been sleeping together for three months now, and I'm always grateful when Addie makes time for me in her busy schedule. I don't know how she does it anyway, how she lives her life - running a successful company, and being involved in a million business things, and maintaining an extensive social life at the same time. I barely manage to get my ass out of the house for one non-work activity per week, and my job is considerably less stressful than hers. But she makes it look so easy with her endless energy, it's unreal.

Of course it's casual between us. Addie is so far out of my league on every level, it's a miracle this is even still going on. I'm simply a little distraction for her, some pastime entertainment half her age, that will eventually get replaced - and I intend to enjoy it as long as it lasts. I just have to manage not to fall madly in love with her in the meantime.

Addie moves again, then her eyelids flutter, so it seems my uninterrupted staring time has come to an end. She raises her arms over her head and stretches, making her blanket slip down, and I am momentarily distracted by the way her silky nightgown drapes around her tits. God, how has this woman of forty-eight still such a flawless figure? Well, probably good genetics supported by serious discipline - I have seen her workout routine. My lazy ass sure can't keep up with that.

She smiles her breathtaking smile at me, and my heart skips a beat. "Morning, darling." I love it when she calls me that. Yes, she does that with basically everyone, an overabundant use of pet names is her little quirk - but still. It always feels so strangely intimate.

I can't help but reciprocate her smile. "Hey."

Rolling on her side and facing me, Addie pulls me into a wonderfully gentle kiss, and I already feel like I'm dying of happiness. So many butterflies in my stomach.

She strokes my cheek. "You've been up long?"

"Nah, just woke up a minute ago," I answer. I don't need to emphasize how pathetic I am, it's probably obvious enough as it is.

She treats me to another soft kiss, and I don't see myself ever getting enough of those. "Breakfast?"

I lose myself in her eyes for a moment before I nod half-heartedly. Breakfast means getting up, which isn't exactly what I want, but I know I don't have much choice. "Sure."

After pressing a kiss on top of my head, Addie pushes herself out of the bed and vanishes toward the bathroom. I roll on my back with a sigh and stare at the ceiling.

Don't fall madly in love with her in the meantime. Who am I even kidding?

Fuck.

---

"Can I get you a coffee while you wait?"

"That would be lovely. Little milk, no sugar, please."

"Coming right up, Ms. Rhodes."

"Just 'Addie', please," she chuckles. "If you don't mind." Oh, I certainly don't.

She settles into one of the plush chairs outside of my boss's office, somehow making it look like she's lounging on a throne, and I hand her a coffee a few minutes later.

"Thank you, darling."

There's this amazing smile again, and I'm pretty sure I am actually blushing a little. Guess I'm not immune to a very charming woman twice my age calling me sweet pet names. "You're welcome."

"You're new here, aren't you?" Addie is apparently a regular enough guest to know that, and I wonder what her relationship with Amir is. He put that appointment on his calendar himself, with only her first name and no further info, so I'm not even sure if this is a professional date. Not that it's any of my business.

"Uhm, yes. Started a few weeks ago," I reply, clearing my throat. Why the hell am I so nervous all of a sudden? I small talk with random people all day, it's no big deal - but right now, I am acutely aware of the way I am standing, and my sweaty palms, and how my voice sounds, as if I have to consciously control how to be a human being.

She's intimidatingly beautiful, it's unreal. And her perfume smells really nice.

We chat for a few minutes about my job here, and if I like working for Amir - which I do, because he seems like a good boss so far, we get along pretty well - and I manage to not make a complete ass of myself. Almost a miracle.

Then Amir emerges from his office, and I can't quite decide if I'm glad he's saving me from further embarrassment, or sad that she'll leave now.

"Addie, hey. Sorry for the wait." They greet each other with a kiss on the cheek, seemingly very familiar with each other.

"Don't worry, darling," she assures him. "I had lovely company." She smiles at me, squeezing my arm, and once again I am blushing, which is so silly. I am not easily flustered, usually. But this woman has me wrapped around her finger after a five-minute conversation. Fuck. It must be so obvious.

"Glad to hear," Amir chuckles. "Now, come on in."

He leads her into his office, closing the door behind them, and I exhale. Was I holding my breath since Addie stepped in here? Probably not, even though it feels like it. When did I turn into such a pathetic mess?

It's not easy with her perfume still lingering in the room, but I manage to turn my focus back to my actual work, more or less. Of course, that focus is immediately shattered again when they re-emerge half an hour later, and I try so hard not to stare. Did she get even more beautiful, somehow?

After they said their goodbyes, she turns to me on the way out. "It was very nice to meet you, darling." God, she needs to stop calling me that, or I'll never stop blushing.

"Likewise," I murmur, very flustered, trying to commit every single detail of her face to memory.

"Until next time." Addie gives us a little wave and another breathtaking smile, then she takes her leave while I stare after her like a lovesick little puppy.

I get pulled back into reality when I vaguely register Amir calling my name.

"I'm sorry, what?" I blink up at him, standing next to my desk with his hands buried in his pockets, giving me an amused look.

"Fia, you still with me?"

"Yes! Yes, I am. Sorry." I really need to get it together. "So… who is she?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.

"Addie? My ex-wife," he shrugs.

"Wait, seriously?" Wouldn't have been my first guess, even though they did seem very comfortable with each other. But she's a good ten years older than him, by my estimate, and most of his fellow successful businessmen buddies seem to go for young trophy wives instead. Perhaps it's not surprising, considering the effect she had on me, too.

"Should I take it personally that you sound so shocked about that?" Amir chuckles.

"No, it's just… she's so beautiful, and-" I bite my tongue, horrified about having actually said that out loud. What the hell is wrong with me? "-and maybe now I should stop talking."

He laughs, taking it in stride, and doesn't seem too offended. "Maybe you should."

Holy shit, this is so embarrassing. I have a massive crush on my boss's ex-wife, twentysomething years older than me, and it must be so, so very obvious. Perhaps I should find a new job - if I don't die of humiliation first.

Amir has mercy and doesn't rub it in, instead switches back to his business tone. "Can you get me the finance guy from this morning back on the phone, please?"

I grimace. "Sure. On it, boss."

God, I hope he never ever brings this up again.

---