i might get in trouble for saying this but feet are actually so nasty they belong in socks and nowhere near a mouth im risking my life to post this so plea
we're not kids anymore.
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

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@ariesofboston
i might get in trouble for saying this but feet are actually so nasty they belong in socks and nowhere near a mouth im risking my life to post this so plea

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this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry
Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks
not knowing how to respond to messages and forgetting about them for so long that it becomes impossible to respond to them without it being weird is the bane of my socially awkward existence

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I’m sure the producers are in love with Heidi, because her confessionals are pure gold.
my dick is 1 atom wide but an unknowable amount of lightyears long. monofilament dick gang. i roll over in bed and slice the milky way in half
Happy Birthday!! 😊
I'm late but thank you anon 🎂🎂🎂
all i ever wanted was the world
I made a sign for him

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Some pre-covid tweets hit different now. Like, you know there are more people nodding along.
Larry, if we make an effort today, we might be able to save August. Jaws (1975) | dir. Steven Spielberg
When there’s 2 balloons, a cherry blossom petal, a villager wants to talk to me, a bug is nearby, and I still need Blathers to assess my fossils:
So they’re saying 12 months were never necessary in the first place? 🧐
Honestly it’s some even more insidious garbage than that too. Like I’ve never had a problem donating because lmao how are they gonna know my sex life? But now imagine a situation where a long term boyfriend or husband desperately wants to donate to save their SO’s life and they can’t because they don’t have the plausible deniability us singles do. Again, this is decades old, the “easing” of these bullshit restrictions is rooted in bigotry, and the cruelty has always been the point.

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Mimi no Kaidan (ミミの怪談) // Junji Ito