1992

please forgive my soul for finding peace in your arms please forgive my lips for finding words in your kiss please forgive my eyes for finding galaxies in yours please forgive my hands for finding warmth in your body please forgive me for finding heaven in you

Why do I keep feeling like that ugly old shirt that’s always in the very back of the closet and only gets picked when there’s nothing else left?

I thought I was over you, I thought my feelings were buried deep enough. But why is it that I still seek your attention like a moth drawn to fire?

There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for quite a while but every time my lips start to form the words my throat closes up and it feels like swallowing glass, so I don’t say it. I love you. I love you I love you I love you, I want to say. And I know we won’t work out - we’ve tried, after all. And we failed. We crashed and burned, yet nothing changed for me. So instead of telling you what I’ve been wanting to say, a quiet “I hope you’re happy. I really hope you’re happy,” slips out of my mouth. A whispered “please stay safe”. A desperate “you know you can always call me if you need to”. And when I got really angry at myself for not being brave enough to tell you the truth, I found everything I told you comes pretty darn close to I love you.