areopagusimp

Disclaimer, I'm not a Hellenistic pagan, but it's clear that worshiping Ares includes looking to Athena and having feelings about her and what she represents in relation to Ares. It's natural because they are two sides of the same coin. They are famously pit against each other in practically every piece of media involving Greek mythology.

I have ideas and feelings about Athena that a lot of people would call slander. But I think it's because people cannot imagine anything more complex than Athena = Good War and Ares = Bad War.

And that is just so insulting, isn't it? Do not fucking declaw Athena. Do not paint her as fair and graceful simply because she is a woman. And you knooow that's part of it. Athena keeps a clean reputation, but she fights dirty. The Trojan Horse was built and used in worship of her, but people like to claim that the violence that destroyed Troy was all Ares.

Zeus: *finds out that Hera bore a child from him and another that’s not his own* “That’s metal, I shall do it a thousand more times.”

And he assumes she had Hephaestus with another god and not on her own. He has no right to be, but he’s bitter. So, whenever he’s disappointed with Ares he’ll straight up say that the boy is illegitimate and not his own.

Zeus: “Your disruptive nature is better suited to my brother, Poseidon.”

Ares: *thinking* ‘…would that he cared for me any more than you do, I’d be tempted to accept that…’

Zeus: “Your destruction and bloodlust lends more to you being the spawn of Hades! Whereas his son is far more hospitable and polite! If not for my nephew’s physical resemblance to him, I’d say you two were switched at birth!”

Ares: *muttering* “…would that that were true…”

Zeus: “What was that?”

Do you know the story of how Zeus and Hera married? 

She refused his proposal so he disguised himself as an injured cuckoo bird to take advantage of her empathy and raped her. She agreed to marriage, ashamed of the fate of bearing a child out of wedlock.

Well, she had already been pregnant with a child all her own. She’d decided to have an heir when Metis and Zeus were married. Out of disgust towards Zeus after her assault, she planned to dispose of Zeus’ heir and replace them with her own.

So, when she gave birth to two sons… She was holding Hephaestus while Hestia tended to Ares. The infant looked so much like herself, not a feature reminiscent of his supposed father. 

She wouldn’t let her hope be dashed when Hephaestus would open his eyes, revealing Zeus’ sky blue peering at her mockingly.

…she never saw that his eyes matched her own until they glared at her with the fiercest of hatred.

so basically...

Hera: “Ares is so violent, I can’t look upon him and not think about that day.”

Hera: *sees Hephaestus*

Hera: “THAT’S WHY! By the Styx! I threw away the wrong baby!”

Apollo, unlike most of the other gods who are fighting Ares, doesn’t resent him. He just likes shooting his ass. So their fights are more like intense sparring matches. 

Artemis gets pulled into the fray despite insisting that she did not care for Ares or issues regarding him at all by Apollo, it goes like-

Artemis: “I don’t give a shit about Ares! I’m not wasting my time on him. He wants to leave? Good riddance.”

Apollo: “Sounds like something a chicken would say!”

Artemis: “…”

Ares: *gets impaled by a million arrows out of nowhere, dying instantly*

Me: “Let me fucking sleep, you heathen.”

Brain: “All those lil comments like “Were that you were my son instead of Ares”, just dissing Ares behind his back? Except it’s to his face.”

Me: “You will die.”

Brain: “Hahaha, it’s funny because Ares has no friends in this journey.”

Me: “I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS.”

Brain: “Except like Hermes and Hestia. Hestia is like a warmer Nyx figure and Hermes is the one who spread the word in the Underworld that Ares needed help.”

Ares: *referring to his wife, Otrera, and their daughters, the Amazons* “All women are Queens.”

So, this one is based on my own knowledge of pre-Greek mythology. Hades was actually a later addition to spice up the story of the Great Goddesses (Demeter and Persephone), so… Queen Despoina anybody?

Hades is the eldest of his brothers, and so, it is his right to take his father’s place as King. However, he steps down and allows Zeus to ascend, rationalizing that his youngest brother had earned it when he saved them all from Cronus’ stomach. Besides, he’s weary from the war and wishes not to be the one to repeat the mistakes of his forebears. He’s content with his place as the god of riches for the moment.

Zeus cannot risk Hades ever attempting to displace him.

Demeter’s daughter, Kore - with her mortal blood - met her death when she descended into the Underworld, but was reborn anew and forever bound to the River Styx. As a result, she cannot travel far from the precipice of the Underworld. And while she appreciates the company of Lady Nyx, she remains lonely, isolated. If only she had a companion who shared her surface-dwelling heritage…

Another Hades child. 

This is Plutus, son of Hades and Persephone and the god of wealth.

And we respond: “So, War has a beard?”