Bloody, But Unbowed

Nobody was behind me in line, which seemed to be a good reason for her to treat me to a five minute retelling of the identification, rescue, and argument over initial custody of Kit Kat, who was so small they thought when they first heard him crying for help that he was a bird and not a kitten in a tree, and is now fifteen pounds of "pure, sculpted lardass".

And I didn't mind, precisely, I wasn't bored or anything, but around the time she was bringing me up to speed on Kit Kat's current status it occurred to me that this woman is a cashier in a store that primarily sells candy bars and beverages. People must buy Kit Kat bars from her multiple times a day. Does she do this every time there's nobody in line behind the purchaser? Did I just have that I Own Several Cats And Will Enjoy Your Cat Stories look about me? Was it the first time it occurred to her that she sold the brand of candy bar she named her cat after? Was she new to the job of selling Kit Kat bars?

I was in the same snack shop, which I'm in, like, once a month, recently. I only recognized her because I spent five minutes listening to this monologue in sincere wonder. But I did recognize her, so as I was buying a soda and a Milky Way bar (this time) I said, without thinking about how this would come across, "Hey, how's Kit Kat?"

She looked genuinely horrified and said, "What...how?"

"Oh fuck!" I blurted. "Sorry! You told me about him last time!"

This is still quite cryptic as responses go but she gave me a frankly frantic look of sudden recognition and said, "He's fine! You bought a Kit Kat! I was unmedicated!"

I did not inform her she is small town famous on Tumblr and instead just said, "Glad you're both doing well!" and we parted as confused and mortified friends.

for some reason both people who prefer S AND people who prefer Z say they think Z would be kind of mean

people who Don’t pick the T overwhelmingly assume people who do chose it because it looks like a dick, actual given reasons for picking T lean more toward gameplay versatility, sex toy safety (i.e. they ALL look like dicks but T has a flared base), and personality

there’s a fairly even split on use of gendered pronouns for I, O, T, and Z, but people tend to use she/her for L, J, and especially S

there have been multiple unconnected instances of the phrase ‘triple t spin in the pussy’. this doesn’t really matter it just feels worth mentioning

by and large S and Z fuckers are MUCH more passionate about their choices than L and J fuckers

In the 90s there was a Japanese guy at the Blackpoint faire that would always show up dressed as a Samurai.

It kind of became faire canon somehow that the Scots thought he was a Fae, so he started calling himself "Oberon"

After awhile, Asian girls started dressing up as fairies and would seek him out to act as his enterage.

So here was this Samurai walking down the path with 4 pixie escorts like a badass as any kilted warriors would bow to him as he passed.

Picard is the Captain of No Compromise. His morals are his compass, and every time his duty to Starfleet clashes with them, it chafes him, and he refuses to back down until he finds a path that serves both. He will not spend what he is to get what he wants.

Sisko is the 'I can live with it' Captain. We see it most clearly during In the Pale Moonlight, but he is that man from the very beginning; the circumstances of his command just strip away every layer until nothing is left but that core truth. And the hard thing about that moment, that speech, is that he knows. He isn't rationalizing. He walks through every ugly step like he's reading his own indictment, and at the end he doesn't grant himself absolution. He just decides he can carry it. And means it.

Picard could never have been the Deep Space Nine captain. The compromises would hollow him out.

But flip it around and Sisko could never have been the Flagship captain either. Not because he lacks the greatness, but because his greatness is the wrong shape for it. Hugh is a perfect example. Hugh gets to become Hugh because in the end, against his trauma and instincts, Picard refuses to treat him as a weapon, and that refusal only lands with the weight it does because he has never once quietly spent his principles for convenience. He is the ideals. They aren't aspirational when he says them. They're real.

Sisko couldn't hold that position. His strength lives in the grey, and you can't be the beacon and be in the mud at the same time. "It's easy to be a saint in paradise."

Sisko is who you need when the war is real and the cost is brutal and someone has to make the call no one else will make. Picard is who you need when someone has to prove the dream is still worth having.

We need them both. That's the whole point.

Lament to the Creations -part 2-

-Lament to the Creations- Part 1

Do ya'll think the WoL is at least somewhat moderately wealthy as a direct result of being the Warrior of Light? Gameplay-wise, we receive currency for completing most quests, and five expansions worth of quests adds up to a few million gil, but do you consider that canon? And does it go directly to the WoL or to the Scions' coffers? Do you think the Scions receive some kind of salary?

Like, a lot of adventurers are always portrayed as pretty broke, and I like to think it's because they're impulse shoppers. They see something they absolutely must have, and they blow all of their gil on it, then they have to go do more dungeons. If your WoL is one of those kinds of adventurers, they might make plenty of money - but they probably blow it.

Meanwhile an Ul'dahn WoL might prefer to take all of his gil and squirrel it away against a rainy day, and inadvertently qualify for the Syndicate by the time they reach Endwalker.

A Gridanian WoL might reinvest in Gridania and end up giving a lot of his gil to support various initiatives based on where their loyalties lie.

An Ishgardian WoL might give his money to his family to replenish the family coffers, and then draw from those when he needs funds.

Some WoLs probably give their money over to Tataru for the Scions and let the Scions provide them with whatever they need, while others might only tithe a portion of their income and use the rest to pay for whatever it is they need to pay for.

I'll bet the Warrior of Light gets a lot of free stuff, too - and whether or not they accept it depends on their disposition.

For my main, Kal'istae is very wealthy, but that's a direct result of her crafting and gathering and her ability to play the market board. (Also, from having nine retainers that bring back things like black dye and rare clothing pieces snilched from Rose's storerooms). By contrast, Szah'li barely has enough to make ends meet, but that's because he prefers to live frugally and sends most of his money back to the Twelveswood to support some of the Keeper families in the Black Shroud.

Do ya'll think the WoL is at least somewhat moderately wealthy as a direct result of being the Warrior of Light? Gameplay-wise, we receive currency for completing most quests, and five expansions worth of quests adds up to a few million gil, but do you consider that canon? And does it go directly to the WoL or to the Scions' coffers? Do you think the Scions receive some kind of salary?

I write Mayhem as living comfortably without worrying about whether they can make ends meet, partly because half the places they go don't actually want to take their money and partly because while they're an impulsive shopper, they don't really have expensive taste. So what they do earn tends to just accumulate until they check on it, and then it's like 'hey, do I have enough to spend on getting this random beggar back on their feet', and the answer is always 'yes, and five more if you wanted'. So then they go on a charity spree until they're no longer holding so much that they feel guilty about hoarding wealth.

The most beautiful onix around...

To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler

You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it

If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life

If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.

Go through a sensory checklist.

SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights

SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.

TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?

TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?

SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?

INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.

Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.

This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.

People often ask me about my unmasking journey and express surprise to hear that such a big part of it has been 1) accepting I must avoid light/the sun and 2) wearing clothes I can stand.

I’ll play it jokey and say it like “well it took me far too long to realize that my former wardrobe made me want to jump off a bridge.” Or “turns out my old underwear was anti-autistic.” Or “for whatever reason when it’s too bright, I can’t think.”