mat

thinking about johnny and v again and god they make me SICK. yeah you're a chip stuck in my head and yeah you tried to kill me but i love you. yeah i got reincarnated 50 years after my death as lines of code and yeah i'm stuck in your body but i love you. we will never say this to each other, we don't need to. you're slowly killing me but i don't want you to leave me. i'm slowly killing you but i don't want to leave you. we will never say this to each other, we don't need to. you're a fucking tumor but no one has ever understood me better. i exist only in your head and i've never had a stronger, healthier relationship for it. no one will ever mean more to you or me. we will never say this to each other, we don't need to.

ahhhh so the guilt is NOT supposed to be neverending and haunting and constant and persisting beyond a doubt over even the most menial of things that i would not be upset at someone else for. i understand now.

i think i hauve ocd.