fearful

--

she doesn’t move an inch until he decides what he wants her to do. she’s letting him set the tone; if he wants her to leave, she’ll leave. if he wants her to stay, she’ll stay. 

when he inclines his head and moves his hand, freeing some space for her, her lips tug her smile into something just slightly wider. somi doesn’t waste much in plopping down next to him. “oh, no, don’t worry. i was just trying to walk off double my weight in lunch.” she says nonchalantly, as if eating that amount of food is any other casual thing. raising her legs, she mindlessly tucks them one over the other. “besides, i wouldn’t mind the company either. i was starting to get bored, and it’s like the staff of this place have a radar for that kind of thing. you start to get bored and suddenly they want to run all kinds of tests.”

all he could do was laugh a little at that, lips twitching upwards ever so slightly. “you might be waiting for the longest time for me to ever say that,” he did have to admit with a shrug of his shoulder. ever since this weird power had been handed to him by some unknown force, he had not had a single good day to speak of and he doubted that was going to change anytime soon. not now he was away for his university, his friends, and was still hiding all of this from his father. goodness knew what he would say if he suddenly called him out of the blue like ‘oh hey dad, i’m part of some secret collective with superpowers.’ 

his father wouldn’t believe him, so maybe it was just better if he kept all of this to himself. but he did have to worry, what if one day one of their missions went wrong. what if he was taken captive or killed? that was just something he didn’t want to think about, swallowing a lump which had formed in his throat at the thought of his father receiving that kind of news. it was those kinds of thoughts which just kept him up at night for hours. 

his smile did get a little wider as she took the invitation to sit with him, shuffling a little more to the side to make sure she had enough room and wasn’t about to accidentally brush up against him. she would know why that was by now, and while he was sure nothing super bad would happen, he didn’t like taking risks. his power was unpredictable and could be deadly if he wasn’t careful. then again, that was the same with a lot of the other powers he was now living around. he wasn’t different or any more special than anyone else, but that didn’t mean he was going to stop being scared of what he was capable of. 

--

He plopped himself down in the seat across from him, knowing better than to touch, either purposely or accidentally. He didn’t need to pry, but if Jaewan wanted to talk, he knew Jaehyun was always willing to listen. “The air conditioning is broken or some shit. Try sleeping in a pool of your own sweat sometime. It’s impossible,” he grumbled as he snuck his spoon into the quickly disappearing ice cream and brought a huge bite to thick lips.

“Bad dreams?”

jaewan shifted a little uncomfortably at the tone of voice, slowly pulling the spoon out of his mouth. jaehyun clearly didn’t believe him, but then again, maybe jaewan was hoping for too much when he thought he might. it wasn’t his fault he ate so much, he always just got carried away and need something to cheer himself up. ice cream always seemed to do that. and frankly, he didn’t care if he ate all of the food, they could always buy more. 

he didn’t eat any more for the moment, just twiddling his spoon a little awkwardly in his hand as he watch the older male go and grab a spoon for himself. though he did notice that he made extra sure not to accidentally touch him, something jaewan was thankful for as he was still a little jumpy and when he was jumpy, bad things tended to happen when someone touched him. 

and he honestly didn’t feel like trying to deliver cpr this early in the morning because he had induced a heart attack. 

“you need this more than me, then,” he offered with a small smile, sliding the tub of chocolate deliciousness closer to jaehyun with a finger. he could understand why the other was awake, then, though he didn’t bother questioning why he had come to the cafeteria. maybe to sit in front of the fridge or something until he cooled down. 

--

He poked his head through the door, face scrunching up since his eyes disliked the more intense fluorescence. To his relief; a lone figure sat at a table but that was all he needed, just one person. To his dismay, the figure belonged to Jaewan and, he knew the younger well enough by now that he could guess why he wasn’t sleeping. It wasn’t the first time they’d crossed paths at this time of night.

He shuffled his feet to announce his arrival, making a beeline for who he’d decided from minute one was a ‘sweet kid.’ “What’s that? Ice cream? Share with hyungie,” Jaehyun demanded.

nightmares plagued his mind again, causing him to toss and turn for ours, sweat beading along his brow despite the fact the air conditioning was on. jaewan had no idea how long he had managed to sleep, but when he woke up with a start, heart hammering so loud in his chest he was sure everyone in the building could hear it, it was dark outside, the moon hanging low in the sky. for a moment he paused, breathing heavily, eyes a little frantic as they moved from side to side, almost expecting to see the demons from his dreams waiting for him when he woke. but the room was empty, peaceful, only the sound of his own breathing and the hum of the air con reaching his ears. 

he sighed heavily, pushing his sweat soaked fringe away from his forehead with his right hand, the left just gripping tightly onto his sheets for the moment. jaewan took a moment to calm down, silently checking his watch for the time. the green numbers blinked back at him, telling him once again that he had been woken in the early hours of the morning. 

not in the mood to try and go back to sleep, jaewan silently slipped out of bed, shuffling his bare feet into a pair of shoes. he was quiet as he left his room, closing the door behind him. already he knew where he was heading, quietly padding through the quiet building towards the cafeteria. it was a trip he had made many a time this early in the morning, always wanting some kind of food to nibble on while he calmed down. 

he hadn’t bumped into anyone by the time he arrived, heading towards the freezers in the back. he needed ice cream, that always seemed to make him feel better. it wasn’t hard to find one, grabbing an unopened tub of chocolate and a spoon before heading back to the front, plonking them both down on one of the tables. popping the lid off he wasted no time in digging into his late night (or early morning depending on how you looked at it) snack. 

jaewan was so engulfed in eating that he hardly noticed someone else had arrived. 

--

“hi, jaewan.” 

her lips mirror his smile, but stay warm, kind. friendly without coming across as patronizing. she tucks locks of hair behind her ears before shoving her hands in her jacket pockets and barely quirking her head to the side. “bad day?”

jaewan didn’t like showcasing when he was having an off sort of day. he always felt as though it was just better to keep those kinds of things to himself, not worry about bringing other people down just because he wasn’t feeling all too great. that just wasn’t who he was and he hated the fact some people might feel sorry for him about it. his nightmares just weren’t mentioned in conversation and he never sat around looking sorry for himself when other people were around. no, he always tried to act as normal, a smile on the fact as bright as the sun in the hopes it might lighten his own mood. 

however, there were some people who seemed to know when he was feeling a little down. somi was just one of those, easily picking up on the fact that he wasn’t feeling all that great. 

jaewan just laughed softly at the question, shoulders shifting into a shrug. “when am i not having a bad day?” he wondered, though he wasn’t actually expecting an answer to that question. he averted his eyes from her face for a moment, shaking his head a little as if he was going to just shake off the bad feelings and start feeling better. no, that wasn’t going to work, but he just needed a little time to get his head straight and start thinking about something a little nicer. 

there was no point sitting around moping and feeling sorry for himself, that was never going to help.