the sun

Haneul nodded over his shoulder at the pathway he conjured up behind him, pushing light particles with the use of his fingertips that hid behind his back. It wasn’t anything grand, sure, but it beat walking on the ground. “Not gonna lie, this is how I get everywhere around here and on nice days like this, I usually stick above ground. Maybe you’ll have a new appreciation for this area if you see it from my level.”

somi is very well aware of the need to keep some things to yourself. she can appreciate the small moments, little rituals people do just for themselves, for their own peace and sanity. if this was haneul’s thing, she didn’t feel like shoving herself into his routine if it would make him uncomfortable, nor would she have felt bad if he’d told her to stay put while he did what he needed to do. somi would’ve understood perfectly; she’s a firm believer that moments of solitude could do people wonders.

but that’s not the case here, apparently. a small blip of anxiety still nags her in the back of her head, warning her that he’s just being nice and inclusive, but the other part, a bigger part, is a little more sold on the head-tilt and the raised eyebrows. she clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes at the bathroom comment but it all comes down to a soft smile. “alright, fine. if you’re so insistent that i wouldn’t be a bother, i don’t mind going with you. but if you need a moment alone, you can tell me to get lost. i wouldn’t mind.”

the mention of a date has her blinking, cheeks tinting the softest shade of pink as the worries ‘did i actually come across that way? did i say something to imply that?’ start reeling in her head. then it hits her that he’s just teasing, and somi scoffs, nudging him with her shoulder. she can be playful too. “oh, you wish it was a date. sorry to crush your hopes, but i’m only using you as an excuse to get ice cream, plain and simple.”

the warmth outside is so nice, it has her closing her eyes and basking in it for just a moment. she opens them back up when she feels him move again, and that wide grin of his--- it has her raising an eyebrow. she has a feeling that smile could mean trouble. “i-- no, i’ve never been with a chariot before.” but that, or her apprehension, isn’t stopping her from reaching out and clasping his outstretched hand. “seconds? you’re giving yourself some high standards to meet in my head, haneul.” she says so playfully, but he’s right; practice couldn’t hurt at all, and better here than getting blindsided by it on the field.

“well, i don’t know if i can help with the boredom all too much,” he responded with a small laugh, “all i can do if offer conversation.” but maybe that would be enough, he did like having a good talk and it sometimes did make him feel better as well, which was always a good thing. for a moment he was silent, bringing his knees up a little to his chest, hugging them there as he stared up at the sky. “it’s on days like this i sometimes like to pretend that i’m normal,” he stated after a brief pause, “like i’m just back on campus in-between lectures. that i’m not here and don’t have these powers i don’t want. you ever imagine stuff like that,” he wondered, turning his head to look back at her beside him, “or is that just me?”

she pulls a shrug that mimics his almost identically, maybe a little more dismissive. “maybe.” it could be. he could be feeling the way he does for years to come, but fuck if she doesn’t hope that isn’t the case. the kind of hopelessness that plagues him... it’s awful, somi wouldn’t wish it on anybody. --- or, well, she wouldn’t wish it on jaewan, at least. from what she’s been able to tell, jaewan is just a genuinely kind person who, frankly, is one of the least bullshit-deserving souls somi has ever come across. out of all of them, he’s top on her list of wishing he’d get a better hold of his own abilities. “but, that just means victory will taste that much sweeter.”

at this point, her optimism regarding jaewan’s abilities doesn’t come as big of a surprise to her. at first it did; somi usually isn’t that outwardly optimistic, preferring almost exclusively to take on a more realist approach to life, but there’s always been something different about him. like his positive ways rub off on her whenever she’s around him, regardless of the fact that they direct it on different topics. although, despite how used to it she might be, somi is never going to say she finds it anything other than off-putting when it’s pointed out.

his widening smile is a good sign, though, and at least he’s not in such a terrible mood that nothing can really get to him. little things are enough, she used to hear that a lot when she was detoxing, getting herself back on her feet. it’s not a motto lets herself live by, usually, ( she’ll always be so much more tough on herself, but aren’t most people that way? ) but she applies it to other people whenever the situation calls for it. his shuffling also doesn’t go unnoticed, but somi is used to that too. she isn’t necessarily a touchy person, but a part of her wishes he had the freedom to not worry about it. she lets him have his space, as always.

leaning back on the bench, somi purses her lips slightly, narrows her eyes as if she’s mulling over what he’s dealing. “ah,” she tuts after a moment, “conversation will do just fine.” just like it always does. it’s not like she does much divulging on her end. she hears him out, though, offers a metaphorical shoulder to lean on and chat with. it’s nice, honestly. she clicks her tongue again. “well, i personally don’t,” what normal was she supposed to daydream about? when she was a kid, the depressed teenage years, the fucked up year and a half or the months spent trying to get herself together? none of them seemed fun to reminisce.

In a moment, Haneul would be walking backwards—perhaps, gilding—in front of her with a gentle smile and began to explain: “You know the tree that’s near the pool complex? The Japanese Maple one? I just want to stop there before we cool our jets. It’s… like a tradition of mine before missions.”

having to say she needs to physically cool down before a mission has always brought on a very... interesting feeling. in a way, she feels dehumanized; she’s like a machine, needing to be prepped before every mission to ensure optimal performance. however, in another way, it makes her feel grounded as a person ( human? maybe? some kind of sentient being ); as powerful as she can be, there is still a very real risk of overheating despite her developed tolerance for heat. it poses a genuine health issue, and not being prepared could cost her her life ( or, heaven forbid, indirectly the life of her partner ).

at the very mention of ice cream she’s pulled out of her own train of philosophical thought, eyes and smile so bright they could rival any star in the sky. she was thinking something a little more simple; some cool refreshment, hell the fact that he agreed was nice enough---- but ice cream? “ah, haneul,” she tilts her head towards him, “first thing to know about me, i would never say no to ice cream.” ( technically, she would never say no to any kind of food, but that’s beside the point ) “if that’s your first suggestion, i have very high hopes for this partnership.”

the trailed off sentence, hesitant pause, and glance her way aren’t lost on her. somi doesn’t say anything in regards to it, simply cracks her knuckles inside her jacket’s pockets and trains her eyes on her feet and the steps she has to take. somi actually jolts when he’s suddenly in front of her, blinking at him once, twice, three times like he solidified out of thin air. she just barely manages to catch his explanation. “ah, yeah, i know the one, ‘course i don’t mind going. but if it’s more on the personal side of things, i don’t mind waiting for you somewhere else. i don’t want to intrude. ” 

the smile was still on his face as he looked up again, eyes raking over the younger for just a moment before he inclined his head to the side a little, moving one of his hands to create some more room next to him. “want to sit down? i wouldn’t mind the company.” talking with someone would probably help take his mind off things, and that was really all he needed right now. “unless you have somewhere else to be, don’t just hang around on my account.”

somi might be a person that can pick up on emotions easy, and she’s a person who doesn’t shy away from showing compassion and perhaps even concern if she’s seen you around enough--- but she is not a person who pities. pity has never sat well with her, ever; not since she was young and she was on the receiving end of an obsecene amount of it for years. the thought nearly makes her blood boil, what business did a bunch of strangers have treating her like she was some china doll? babying her and cooing down at her after the death of two people that had no meaning to her sans any biological sense. he’s sad, and maybe he has some sob story on his shoulders, but that doesn’t mean she’s about to start pitying him.

she snorts gently, rocking back on the balls of her feet and taking a glance around their surroundings. it was a surprisingly nice day overall. a little hot, but good enough in the right clothes.

“i guess, but i’m still gonna keep asking. one day you’re going to say ‘fuck no, i’m having the best day’ and i’ll get to tell you that you were wrong. just as a fair warning, when we get to that point, i’m going to fully savor the wonderful moment of being correct.” lighthearted, friendly teasing, because what good is coddling him going to do? he has bad days often, cooing something along the lines of ‘oh, don’t say that, that isn’t true!’ isn’t going to help anyone. besides, people go through shit, he gets to feel pretty bad about the situation he’s currently in; none of them asked to get turned into what they are.

she doesn’t move an inch until he decides what he wants her to do. she’s letting him set the tone; if he wants her to leave, she’ll leave. if he wants her to stay, she’ll stay. 

he sighed a little, resting his hands either side of him, angling his head up a little more towards the sky. that’s until he felt someone standing in front of him, slowly opening his eyes, having to squint a little to make out who it was. though he did smile when he finally made out the face. 

“somi, hey.” 

if someone were to ask somi, she’d tell them she never had ‘bad days’. she never had days where the weight of her loneliness seemingly crushed her chest, filling her to the brim with a sense of hopelessness so thick it practically made her physically choke. she never had days where she wondered what it would be like to slip, to lose herself in the blissful, uncaring high of opioids instead of dealing with all of the shit that came with being an arcana. she never had days where the anxiety seemed to heighten her every sense, boosting her paranoia, making her hyperaware of every detail, convincing her that people, person, someone is out to get her. she never had days where she didn’t wish to every deity listening that she could revert back to the way she was before, when she was young, untainted, eager to make friends and let herself fall in love, throw herself into relationships with reckless abandon. she never had days where she was just sad, worn down, exhausted and overall upset for no particular reason.

hwang somi does not have bad days. she has no reason to have bad days.

or so she insists to herself.

however, just because hwang somi does not have bad days, other people don’t have bad days too. in fact, somi prides herself in being exceedingly obvservant, vigilant and detail-oriented in regards to other people ( a talent she always possessed but sharpened and developed thanks to her... upbringing ). reading people is a skill she’s mastered; picking up on a person’s off day isn’t very hard, especially when it comes to the rest of the arcana she lives with. she sees these people every day, eats with them, studies with them, trains with them. even if she doesn’t socialize with them all of the time, noticing a shift in an established attitude isn’t difficult, unless the person is stupidly good at hiding it for whatever reason ( like her ).

of course, sometimes the situation isn’t that the person is trying to hide it; sometimes their ‘bad day’ is practically written in big, bold, colorful letters all over their body.

like jaewan, for example. she notices him sitting outside while she’s taking one of her dear-god-i-ate-so-much-i-might-explode-(-but-i’d-eat-again-if-the-situation-presents-itself-) walks. nothing about him says... happy, and, mind you--- jaewan would be one of the few people she technically interacts with more on the arc, she’s well aware of his bad days. making her way over to him was almost instinctual, deciding to stand in front of him until he decided to open his eyes.

“hi, jaewan.” 

“Sure thing. I need to take care of something so it would be an honour if you’d accompany me while we get acquainted,” replied Haneul, his expression saddening just a bit. “I have nothing to find so feel free to not go easy on me.”

now, normally, being the subject of observation is not something somi is particularly fond of. it’s usually quick to force her to strengthen her walls, create thicker barriers for people that might raise red flags, but that isn’t the case with haneul. while it isn’t necessarily her favorite feeling still, there’s nothing threatening about it from him. no loud, red alarms blaring in her head to keep her distance, no little voice whispering in the corner of her mind trying to convince her of made up ill intentions. it’s something that’s hard not to be relieved about; spending twelve hours in a mission with someone she didn’t trust didn’t sound like a fun idea.

it’s also relieving to find out he didn’t think her odd for wanting to get to know him better. the small blip in his expression, the visible down turn, however miniscule, followed by his comment has her changing her smile. it’s warmer now, softer, as she places a gentle hand on his arm. “i’m sure you don’t have nothing. and not much is more than enough for me.”

as soon as he remembers her presence, she sits down at her usual spot. he nods back in acknowledgement only because she’s one of the few arcana that actually manages to stay quiet during his quiet time and as long as it continues and she doesn’t make an unnecessary din, he doesn’t mind sharing the space. but, curiosity is a strange thing and it strikes him in an impromptu moment. it’s not like him, but he initiates the conversation first. “long day?” he asks, low and dull as usual, the start of the first exchange they’ve ever had during these moments.

somi isn’t, by any means, a shy person. she considers herself a solid ambivert, one that frankly enjoys easy socializing and doesn’t have a hard time chatting up strangers, but one that can feel completely drained and, in some cases, feel completely turned off at the idea of being in the same room as another human being. she likes people, she does, it’s just that sometimes... sometimes they prove to be too much. that’s one of the reasons why she enjoyed the little ‘quiet’ sessions with hanjun; even if she’s feeling particularly chatty, the silence is nice. it’s mutual and never awkward, never forced. 

it’s a necessary escape of sorts, considering the life they’re living. the training, the classes, the missions, it’s all very demanding. add to that the fact that the arcana is a bunch of people in their early to mid-twenties, a truly quiet spot is a genuine rarity. so, sue her--- she didn’t want to miss out on it today, despite how shitty she felt. a few minutes of comfortable silence will do her spectacularly; she could get enough food to feed a small fleet and sit herself in a cold bath later. for now? lack of socialization and sweet, sweet, blissful silence.

...or not?

she’s just kicking off her shoes and sliding off her outer top in favor of bracing the weather in a camisole, having no interest in further worsening the uncomfortable warmth that’s still lingering under her skin, when she’s visibly surprised at the sound of someone’s voice. somi blinks once, twice, fights the urge to look around because, really, if it had been someone else, she would’ve heard them coming. in the stretch of time they’ve been doing this, neither of them has ever spoken a word to each other. frankly, somi figured that, out of the two of them, there was no chance on this earth he’d be the first to break the record.

“like a blanket. only softer.” hayeon whispered. she knew somi could barely see when she was covered like this. knew she felt out of control. they walked carefully. slowly over to the back entrance. hayeon knelt down and began to pick the lock as quietly as she could. there were no windows pointing to their direction so the guards inside couldn’t see her. but that also meant she couldn’t see them. the lock clicked far louder than she’d hoped for. an echo to her. to somi. hopefully not to the guards on the other side.

frankly, somi enjoys missions. it doesn’t matter what partner she has ( usually ), missions are both thrilling and demand the obligation to keep a levelhead and excercise complete control. not to mention, succeeding in these missions is fun, being able to properly use her powers is rewarding. bumps happen, sure, and somi would never imagine a mission really going smoothly from start to finish, but missions give her something to do. they give her meaning, almost. not a lot of things do that.

but missions like this— missions like this one she’s a part of right now fucking suck. so many people are involved, added variables to increase their risk of something going wrong, or worse, failing altogether. one wrong move, one miscounted head, one miscalculated reaction and hayeon could get hurt badly. despite how little somi is interested in admitting to it, she is not ready to see that happen. somie would so much sooner let it happen to herself.

getting close to the estate isn’t difficult. the guards are mostly concentrated on the inside, there isn’t much bothersome terrain to cross, and the fancy shrubbery definitely helped giving them cover to conceal themselves, should anyone get to close. nobody does, and the whole thing seems to be going pretty smoothly, thankfully, up until they get the window to actually get into the estate. somi’s entire character changes; she was quiet already, now she’s zeroed in on the task at hand, as she always does. her focus is on completing the mission as quickly, efficiently, and safely as possible.

[INSTAGRAM] 170630 Prod Agency update

Immersed within his own thoughts, Haneul flinches a little once she called out to him and soon returned her smile with his own. “Please, I’ll catch it before it even touches the ground if that’s our worst case scenario,” he laughed and ran fingers through his hair. “It’s Somi, right?”

somi knows how to swim. hell, she prides herself in being a pretty talented swimmer, more than just decent for someone who’s never done it competitively. however, somi’s always swam in pools, the occasional lake or little beach ponds separating the ocean with some kind of rock formation. it’s always been been in closed waters. she used to swear, and would’ve continued to do so until this briefing, there wasn’t a soul on this godforsaken earth that could’ve gotten her to swim in open waters. she didn’t care what case they made; she’d never agree to it, she’d swear so on anyone’s grave. 

the universe thinks it’s a hell of a comedian, and the very idea of it, of having to swim in open waters even for just a little bit, is enough to make her sick to her stomach. she decides, for now, it’s probably best to not dwell on it too much. if she’s going to hurl, she’s going to do so in private.