eyes over here

Today, I have decided to become a better person.

Yes. I have said this many times during my life. Why should this time be any different? There are a couple of reasons why this could be the time I change for good. First, here are some ground rules:

Make the bed daily. I already do this but it should be noted here again that making the bed is the most critical part of the day. It guarantees a clean-looking room and comfort upon return at the end of the day.

Stop ordering food for delivery. This one sounds easy enough. Stop ordering food for delivery. Go pick up the food yourself or better yet, throw something together in the kitchen real quick. It shouldn't take a lot of effort to maintain a healthy diet. Not to mention it's horrible for your bank account.

Pay more attention to those around you. For far too long, you have been completely selfish. It is time to pay attention to those around you. Paying attention in conversations because you genuinely care, remembering small details about your significant other because you're interested and engaged enough, and many other little things are easy ways to show those around you that you care about them.

Spend less time on the phone! Be present in the moment and take your time throughout the day. There's no reason why you need to spend 4 hours a day on your phone. You have books to read, things to write, money to earn, and subjects to learn. The world is far, far bigger than a 6-inch phone screen.

Quit the caffeine addiction. Everything is okay in moderation, however: there is no quirk or status in being addicted to something -- even coffee. One coffee in the morning, one coffee on the weekends. That is all that is needed.

Those are all the rules that come to mind for now. I am sure there's more for you to do and learn about yourself before you become the optimal person you want to be. Until then, focus on these 5.

This time is different. I have found the motivation to become the person I want to be. In all honesty, I felt like a failure until I was able to pay off all my debt. I finally have money in the bank and a stable full-time job. I wake up at a decent time every morning and I even save the partying for the weekends now!

All I need to do is find some stability in academia. If I am lacking anywhere, it is my ability to stay in school and complete my classes. Although I know I am not supposed to do this, I often find myself equating my self-worth with my academic ability. My academics have not been great since grade school so you may be able to imagine the self-image issues I have had in the years since then. I can attribute it to my upbringing.

I met with a friend today.

Well, we aren’t really friends. We’ve known about each other through mutual friends of ours, but haven’t talked much to each other outside of the occasional Instagram story reply. Our meet up was an attempt to start a friendship. Amongst our talks of how old we are, what we want to do in the coming years and what we can expect from ourselves as well as others, we also go to talking about friendships.

I have never had a friendship last more than 4 years. Of course, I’ve known people for longer than that: 5, 7, even 11 years. However, I find that these friendships can quickly revert back to acquaintances and even strangers. It seems that as time goes on, I’m still not done developing. I’m still not done becoming who I am going to be. That is why my friendships and relationships come and go; they’re ever-evolving.

So my (new) friend and I got coffee and went on a walk. She was telling me that people in our city are often flakey - too caught up in their own lives to respect the time of those around them. She also shared with me that, even at our age, people are still caught up in their cliques. Inviting people outside of these groups is almost taboo. Keeping up appearances, knowing who is who, and advancing your own social status seems more important than finding long-lasting relationships that can mutually benefit both individuals in a more personal way.

Eventually, our chat became less serious as we became more and more comfortable around each other. By the end of the day, we had made plans to go on a picnic and peruse a book store later next week.

Making friends and lasting relationships is a challenge. Finding good people worth sharing your life with is a challenge. Finding people to confide and trust in is a challenge. But, once you have that network, I believe life becomes easier.

To my younger self,

I am writing this letter to tell you about what to expect in the next few years. We were forced to grow up kinda fast, having been on our own since 16. Even so, we were suspended in a grace period that comes with teenage-hood. This grace period, where avoiding responsibilities doesn't have an immediate affect on you, has put all the responsibility on me. Current you.

I am still working to correct mistakes that you have made. While I still don't consider myself a full-fledged adult, I am quickly reaching a point in life where I am expected to be self-sufficient, whether I'm ready or not.

With no direct guidance from your parents, it has been easy to lose track of what was instilled in us from a young age: work hard, study hard, and life will be easy. Neglecting this valuable life lesson has caused a lot of unnecessary hurt and anguish. Below are some things that I have had to learn the hard way.

Your youth is ending.

It is absolutely okay to make stupid decisions when you're young. You're learning what the world is like and what society expects from you. Yelling at people that have wronged you or believing that you're fun and quirky because you're mean to those around you is something you can only get away with in your youth.

You're not going to be so lucky to get away with these things later in life. It is almost time to start doing what is expected from you. You're expected to have tough conversations. You're expected to be nice. That's how you build long-lasting relationships. Most importantly, you're expected to own up to your mistakes. And you'll make a lot.

Mistakes are a learning lesson.

I know you are of the belief that you can make no mistakes and any mistakes that you do make are to be ignored and glossed over. This way of thinking is hard to overcome. No one wants to be wrong. There are a ton of people in the world who have still not learned that it's okay to make mistakes. Start changing your way of thinking now. It will help a lot in your relationships later.

It is time to be open about the mistakes you've made.

Life is just a list of tasks.

Gone are the days of frivolous trips to the coast, spending money on your own wants and desires, and sleeping until 12pm on a Tuesday. You've got a laundry list of things to get done. If you fall too far behind, you may end up like Uncle Mike - doped up, alone, and nearly penniless.

Up until this point, you've been able to put off your responsibilities with relatively no consequences. That is going to change really quick and, unfortunately, you're going to learn the hard way a couple of times before you learn any lessons. But! It is important that you learn now before it's too late.

As you progress through your life and become more acquainted with the workings of adult life, you'll see that it is more rewarding to finish what you start. That rewarding feeling will shower you after every task you finish.

I am not talking about tasks like doing laundry, going grocery shopping, or cleaning the bath tub.

Here are a few tasks that going on the "To-Do List of Life":

Sign up for school

Get an A in Math 100, this will help you later

Find a job and stick with it

Find someone you trust to talk to

Buy a decent bed, please

Don't drive, bike instead

Exercise now so it's easier later

Keep plants around you constantly

Stay on that medication, you have no idea how much it helps

Do not mix friends with your work.

By now, you have tried this twice. It has never ended well. Don't make friends at work. Don't bring friends to work.

You'll find opportunities to promote. This will just make it extremely hard for you to fulfill your job duties while keeping the same circle of friends. Make friends outside of work now before shit hits the fan.

In fact, you should probably focus more on school than work.

Making friends doesn't work well in the workplace, especially with where you work. Focus on your schoolwork and focus on making friends at school. The people you meet on campus want more for themselves than just making $15/hr making drinks all day. I am not trying to look down on anyone, it's just that multiple people you have talked to seemed perfectly find with never leaving the cafe. I am happy that they have found their success in life. You have not yet found yours. I haven't found mine yet either.

You are the company you keep. Even at your young age, you have learned this lesson, right? Make friends at school, get acquainted with the school's expectations, then stick with it. You've put me in a bad place education-wise.

Before closing out this message, I just want to say one last thing.

It sounds cliché but it's a very important lesson to learn: be yourself. You have spent too much time trying to fit yourself into places that you don't fit in with. So much so, that you have completely lost yourself in the process. Be yourself now and you will become who you want to be.

With love, respect, and envy,