love to the ultimate kind.

Basic introduction:

name/s: gel, angel, faith -> (pick one! i prefer any of the three :>)

pronouns: she/they

21 ၊၊||၊ unlabeled but still queer

still in school? yes!! i'm a second year university student

About me:

this blog is initially made to store my mini essays and pocket-sized thoughts– i've had it since time immemorial! (high school to be exact...)

i'm trying to revive it by sprinkling my ramblings about books, media and history especially for filipinos

>>>>> I REALLY LOVE A LOT OF THINGS! and i'm trying to rekindle my hobbies. i like gothic books, historical books, the indie web, drawing (am shit at it), digital gardening, films, adventure time, and writing on paper. been trying to learn how to communicate my thoughts in an organized manner too.

DO NOT INTERACT/FOLLOW IF YOU ARE: a zionist, a marcos-duterte apologist, transphobic, part of any harmful communities,

Some stamps, to get to know me more!

Likes:

cats (black cats and tilapia cats specifically)

the tropical countryside

books -> classics, non-fiction, essays, history of the philippines, gothic literature, critical theory

unsettling, action, horror movies (letterboxd to be added coz i cant remember my account)

>>>>> MUSIC: CHECK OUT MY PROFILE!!

ASTROLOGY! (trying to get back to it)

photography

im trying to write more creatively

08:14 AM

Good morning personal blog,

I am quite aware that sharing my personal ordeals in the twilight zone of the internet is me begging for disaster. I could be writing about it in my journal or on a random notebook lying around - whichever is at hand the nearest. None of them seem to be near me now though except for the typewriter-screen in front of me. No worries, this is just a

I came across a video talking about their inclination to specific times, passing weather, and niche People and Books. It seemed quite shallow to me at first but that was my jealousy speaking. I envy people who are acquainted with their beings - likes, dislikes, aesthetics to exude - the sundry of their sentient souls. How do they know that...? Beats me. I am learning how to cherish my inclinations for now. How far would I go in the past to search for myself and my meaning? "I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring." David Bowie has a way with words. I cried to Rock 'n' Roll Suicide.

I think I need to stop twt-maxxing. By my own definition, it's basically just making multiple accounts on Twitter, The Town Square to update strangers and brag about the amount of work you do in said Twitter subculture.

For now, I will try to integrate my productivity everywhere - SCRATCH THAT - i'll talk about this first: my experience in Anakbayan again!

You would not believe this!!! I just unearthed the documents I kept when I was still in the organization. There are 6 documents and 1 major document talking about my grievances regarding my participation in ABVC orgs. Holy crap, talk about a holy grail. Thank you Past Me for writing your thoughts out again because I just reminded myself how well I write if I focus on my feelings and let both logic and rhyme take over. Does this mean that I will join again? Probably. But I will do it differently this time. OK back to the productivity stint.

Basically, calendar-schoolnotes-storage-4quadrant today.

Your fish,

when there are multiple apps out there that actually promote and do gambling. and none of them are blocked.

this site saw me grow up you know and that messes with my perception of it somehow. i feel sort of warm and fluffy whenever i remember that i have this account. like i'm back to being a high schooler staying up late for the first time. the first time i actually broke the rules of the world. i remember that night... i was a particularly sad seventh grader with her coral iphone 5 and janky headphones listening to sweater weather and exploring the shores of sexuality for the first time. my back was on the wall-- the first time i ever considered my room to be part of myself-- and cried the whole night. i felt like i was the first person to ever do it. and i'm half glad i still remember it pretty vividly but half-torn that it's only a memory. i loved being an introspective kid. a loner. now im 21 and i still get confused about my sexuality. now i'm a fuckass 21 year old with no work and standing on the edge of possibilities.

my writing hasn't really blossomed into anything than i hope it could but it's probably because i ignore that part of myself a lot. what's worse, i barely give it the time of day since i learned to love other stuff. i still read mostly classic books but i'm really into story-based games recently. the switch 1 my kuya and i have been sharing finally received it's well deserved modded upgrade so now i can play most of the games i want. he gets the good ones though because he has a switch 2. i'm also very into collecting music albums from different artists. in fact, i'd like to create my own handheld mp3 player.

i dunno. i want to do a couple of meaningful things this year. it makes sense that i'm only getting the ideas now because it's aries season... the new year for us astrology addicts. it also makes sense for me as an aquarius 6h that all my goals are scattered around the year. i dont have my own life plan you know... it just makes sense that the things i thought i would do aren't what i actually wanted to do. but they serve as good foundation for what i'm into going to the new year.

for some odd reason though-- well probably not as odd now that i've grown-- i have been very conscious of having goals. as the main source of my ego. what is this some kind of adulting propaganda? i don't really want to fall for it because the goals tend to be how productive i am, but it's always there in the fore front of my mind. how have i been wasting my time? have i been wasting it smartly? i dont know.

see the ultimate goal that i have for myself is to grow old. just grow old. become the cool eccentric communist aunt my niece is aspiring me to be. become a curator inside and outside the country. be friends with like-minded individuals and stop ghosting every opportunity i gave myself because i dont find them as fulfilling anymore.