Apologies, but I'm no longer active.

A washer washes, a freezer freezes, but a hammer doesn’t ham

ur joke wasn’t funny but i’ll laugh anyway bc i am in love with you

I’m lucky I got to exist at the same time as you.

*me hanging out w 19 yr olds as a 20 yr old* sooo my fellow youths„„, what’s the teen lingo these days…….. what’s the 411……the hot gossip in teen town… ….

People are fascinated with cats and boxes yet we all know that if we had a box of the same proprtions we’d also climb inside.

I can’t believe some of things u people make me read with my own two eyes

FINALLY, A QUALITY PUN.

you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wraper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it.

op are you okay

yes im married to her now

this is the kind of quality content I expect from the internet

The Good Place really said “People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them, when they don’t?” and "We choose to be good because of our bonds with other people" and "What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday" and "If soulmates do exist, they aren't found, they're made" and "That knowledge [that life ends] is what gives life meaning" and "The answer is friends" and "That’s what the Good Place really is — it’s not even a place, really. It’s just having enough time with the people you love" and I think that's very sexy of them

are ppl staring at me because I’m ugly or cute, what is the truth

my favorite theory about anything ever is that the titanic sank because too many people time traveled to that place to try to stop the titanic from sinking

Having a sibling is either “we ride together we die together” or “no officer I’ve never seen that person before in my life” there is no in between.

real life is just stop motion animation at a very fast frame rate