now they're laughing at our face

Girls are awesome, you’re missing out by not appreciating them more. I hope I’m not like the average guy our age, though; I’ve heard locker room talk and dad told me to respect a lady more than that. Unfortunately? I’m kinda confused, dude, you said he chose a good one and those two words don’t really match up great. Yeah, we live in the backyard. Not literally, there’s a fence, but I can climb it to get to their house when I want to. There’s also a gate but going through that is less fun. Sherbert’s got to be confident if he wants the other Lost Boys to respect him, otherwise like, chaos, man.

Appreciating them as a whole is a mistake, and appreciating one in specific proves to be a mistake too, and avoidance is suiting me fine, thank you very much. You’re definitely “nicer” than average - I think it’s what girl’s call ‘sweet’? - but even that’s subjective. Yes, no, that was a, um, grammatical error. Adam and his choice are very happy together and that’s what makes it fortunate, yes. Ah yes, because chaos and the Lost Boys don’t automatically mesh together. I don’t know what the respect of ruffians really counts for, frankly; it’s not as though the LBs are contributing to society in any way.

Okay, no matter whose head may or may not be up whoever else’s butts, they’re still my friends. I don’t think they’re planning on dropping me like I’m hot anytime soon, but if they do, life goes on. A lot of the greats, huh? Not saying you aren’t, Arch, but out of curiosity what is it you care so much about being great at?

I don’t know why those are your friends. You’ve always seemed of average or above intellect, but it’s your life, your choices. It sort of sounds like you’re implying that I’m not already a great, which is fine - I haven’t done anything noteworthy. Yet. But you’ll know it when you see it. What’s your great going to be, then? Taking over the family business?

Oh, I don’t have a therapist! But if I did, do you think she’d be able to help me stop being afraid of Cupcake dying? Because the nightmares about it are so scary.

Jeez, what morbid dreams. Hopefully your nightmare is the funeral part of that and not the actual dying, because then a team of therapists might be more helpful.

But wasn’t he student body president? Although… I guess he must have been pretty bad if they were desperate enough to give it to a tenth grader after he left. Oh, no! You just made me scared for the future, and I was never scared before. Are you going to throw a coup? Are you going to be our next king instead? Oh, Sherbert’s the one that looks like Hurricane but uglier, right? Hurricane is so cute even if he doesn’t seem to understand that chaste kisses are an important gateway into whatever it is he wants to do with girls. I was in quesadilla mourning! And there was no other way to reheat it without a microwave, was there? If I convince my moms they want a random son, would you be willing to show me one of the ‘maybe they exist, maybe they don’t’ tunnels? I’d feel so special, almost like a princess for a day!

You needn’t be scared. No matter what happens, I’m sure Auradon will end up in the best hands possible, one way or another. Hopefully it’s a smooth transition to the best future possible, but frankly, I think we’d have been better off if Sawyer and Adam switched lives; I respect her brain quite a bit. I don’t really see the resemblance between Sherbert and Hurricane, but sure, the “uglier” part sounds right. Don’t debase yourself for a cute face, Stacey - you have more to offer the world than whatever you can offer a man. If you convince your mothers you could use a random brother, he’d definitely probably show you the secret non-existant tunnels; he’d have to, it’s family secrets, after all. It’s a shame someone with your vigor for the life of nobility wasn’t born into it. Or adopted into it, actually, because Janelle would probably love to trade her social status with you and I have a feeling you’d take to it much better, like a duck in water. But it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and if you’re happy with your family? I say you’re very lucky.

The secret tunnels that exist underground.

Well, if he was a total dud, they’d skip him, right? I mean, I’m sure your dads know what they’re doing and if they thought Adam was the worst or something, they’d writ e anew law or make a loophole. Do you not like them? I don’t think I know any of them, I’ve just heard about them, but it sounds so fun to have so many people around all the time. Oh, yay! I broke the microwave once and didn’t eat for 3 days because I was so sad I couldn’t reheat my quesadilla, that yould definitely be useful. Wait, what? Then how do you get from class to class? Are there secret tunnels or something? I’ve heard that runway models use those sometimes to keep people from catching a glimpse of their outfits too soon. That’s… super duper sad, now I want to adopt you even more.

I envy your confidence in our higher-ups ability to not screw up an entire kingdom. While it’s true that there’s nothing particularly wrong with Adam other than being far too idealistic if you ask me, I don’t know if I’d say he’s leadership material. But, whatever, that’s not up to me, or to the people, or anything - a kingdom that preaches ability to be whatever you want but relies on a bloodline monarchy system, so evolved! Eh, I wouldn’t say I don’t like them, any more than I don’t like anyone, honestly, but I’m in class with Sherbert and Cupcake, the elder Darling-Pans, and if they’re the example of responsbility for that family, I pity them. You...didn’t eat for three days? The more we talk, the more that being adopted by your family doesn’t sound that bad for either of us, but I’m not so sure your moms would appreciate a random son. I am neither confirming nor denying the use of secret tunnels....though if there were secret tunnels, the son of the kings would be the person to know about them, wouldn’t he be?