it's always darkest before the dawn

Pencil liner looks better on you anyway, honey! Liquid would be too harsh on your peaches-and-cream complexion. Who even knows what it’ll take to make Zira happy forever? She can go from happy as the day is long when we help make her over for a selfie-shoot to locking herself away if she doesn’t get as many likes-per-post as she needs; focus on making yourself happier, you’re at least easier to understand. Honey! You and Adam are going to need private couple time someday! That’s when intimacy is born, and that can’t happen in a brother or sister or five keep bursting in always! When another option is you and me as a team, couples tennis is certainly not always better - besides, think of how funny it’d be to see Adam and Phillip try to keep up. Thanks, sweetie; I learned from the best, and you’re no slouch-girlfriend either, but you know I’m always willing to share my knowledge. I know, sweetie, I know I can be silly with you, and ugh, the truth is I keep having nightmares that Phil’s cheating on me which is ridiculous because you’re the only girl of comparable beauty to me in our kingdom and you would never but it makes me worried that I should be worried? Clearly I’m not working the cheer squad hard enough if I have time to make myself worry about nothing, though! Psh, Adam looks handsome in anything, but you guys always do blue. What about golden? Like, golden-yellow, like your hair? It’s the other royal color, and you could get a dress as stunning as his grandmother’s ball gown! How special would that make prom?

I think she’d be super happy if she like, invented her own new social media that she could literally be the queen of? She just cares about being super popular and loved, so maybe having the most followers or anyone in the world would be good, too. I mean, I know I’m supposed to take care of myself first, but if I’m already happy I can try to take care of her, too, right? I mean, you’d do that for Margarita, right? They won’t like, barge into our bedroom, though! They’d know to meet us in common areas or like, text us to come out, wouldn’t they? Oh my Beast, Phillip tries s hard to be macho sometimes, I bet he’d try to get like, every single ball and end up upsetting Adam, it would be so sad for them! That’s horrible! Phillip would never cheat on you, he knows that another cheerleader would never look at him again and also like, there’s no one better than you, that’s just ridiculous that he’d even think about it! I bet you’re just nervous because like, people are hitting on you all the time and totes want you to cheat on him? Maybe? Gold and blue are Auradon City colors, maybe I could like wear yellow and he could wear blue and we could look like the royal crest together side by side? 

Jeez, what morbid dreams. Hopefully your nightmare is the funeral part of that and not the actual dying, because then a team of therapists might be more helpful.

Oh, no, I don’t need therapists, I just need some of Cupcake’s mom’s signature gummy worm trail mix! That would make me feel like, way better every time I wake up from seeing Cupcake die. Or seeing her funeral, it’s never the same.

To make the school newspaper more BeastFeedy? Maybe! I mean, people seem to like it, right? So long as the content didn’t suffer - and I know with you in the thick of things the odds of that are slim to none - I don’t see any harm in keeping up with the trends. The more people that read your stuff the better, after all! Thanks, Dory - I’m glad you appreciate keeping things in perspective. After all, the dark is what makes the light that much brighter, and so on and so forth. “Grandpa Hades” in itself is a terrifying phrase - kindly words like grandfather shouldn’t be so closely juxtaposed with the notion of such villainy, but hey, all of our family trees are a little interestingly weird by now; do you think he’d give me preferential treatment when I get to Hades for being the best boyfriend to you, or am I going to have to spend eternity with everyone else in some weird river?

Totally! Or we could at least make like, a Webzine or something to accompany the actual newspaper, and I could recruit Z to help get that off the ground and like, make Auradon Prep more modernized and stuff. And it’s always darkest before the dawn, people say that a lot -- it has to get darker before it can get lighter sometimes. He can be nice sometimes, like when he’s in love with Persephone and stuff! But he’s kind of unpredictable, I would be cranky too if my sister made me live underground forever. No, you’ll totally get to go to the Fields of Elysium if you go to the Greek god afterlife at all -- I mean, you’re going to be the bravest and most honorable king Auradon has ever seen, no offense to your dad; where else would you possibly belong?

That’s true, I think Clara was the first person who showed me how to use liquid eyeliner, actually - my Mom’s more of a natural beauty, except for sparkly stuff! Oh, that’s easy, I know what they have in common! Parker-mom and Zira don’t live in the present! They’re Past Woman and Future Girl, the weirdest hero duo ever! I tell Sherbert he looks the most like Mom sometimes when he gets surprise glitter-bombed by the little ones, but he’s basically Dad Part 2 and it’s freeeaky. Your faith is the cutest thing ever, P! I hope you’re right, because if you’re going to move into Adam’s castle someday, it’d be better if Archnelle weren’t there making it more like a Full House episode than a rom com. You look sooooo pretty with your nice hair framing your face, so yaaaay, an excuse to wear the safe-feeling pony, I love it! And playing doubles tennis is what all the rich couples do in the tv shows, it could be Philcake versus Adora someday in the grand castle! No, no, I’m totally confident with Phil, of course I am. I’m just being silly, that’s all. It’s easy when I have a friend who loves me as much as you do to expect, well, more from Phil than what I’m getting, but he shows his love different ways, that’s all. Um, let’s focus on something else, like on what color Adora is going to rock to prom.

I still like pencil liner better because it makes my eyes feel like coloring books a little bit. That’s true, too; although I guess eventually Zira will get to the future she’s dreaming of? Or does she always keep dreaming beyond what she’s looking at right now? That gets so confusing, I just want her to be happy right where she is someday. Anyone covered in glitter is easy to confuse with your mom, or with Mariah’s mom! But mostly yours, I always think of her first. Wait, why would I want Archie and Janelle to move out? They can live there with their true loves, too, they aren’t that distracting if they have their own wings. Totally! Do you think we’d ever mix it up and do guys versus girls, or is couples tennis always better? You know so much more about how to be a good girlfriend than I do, Cupcake. You can be silly with me whenever you want, you know that, right? I mean, you two are the perfect couple so there’s nothing you need to be silly about but if you’re feeling it you don’t have to hide it from me. I don’t know, he looks really handsome in blue, don’t you think?

That sounds like something you should talk to a therapist about.

Oh, I don’t have a therapist! But if I did, do you think she’d be able to help me stop being afraid of Cupcake dying? Because the nightmares about it are so scary.

It wouldn’t surprise me. You and your sister are capable of pretty much anything, if you ask me - I’ve always thought so. Does that mean you’re looking for a next article topic, though? Because, don’t get me wrong, Zira and her trendsetting could be a fun paper, but it feels more BeastFeed than school journalism, doesn’t it? Janelle still catches me off guard once in a while, but that just makes life more fun. If we were able to predict everything that happened, there’d be less problems but less moments to remember too, I think. Yikes! How old were you when she first laid that Hades-line on you? It sounds like a scary story meant to keep kids from falling off towers. Aww, thanks, hun. Honestly, I can’t imagine doing anything else at this point, and it’s not exactly like I’m missing out, but I appreciate the sentiment. Getting to see you achieve all your hopes and dreams is more than good enough for me.

Of course, I’m always looking for new stories! News never sleeps, after all. You’re right, though; Z belongs on BeastFeed, but people read that like way more often than they read the school paper. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have something more in that style? In arts and entertainment, of course, not like on the front page or anything. You’re so smart, Adam. It’s like how bad things have to happen to really appreciate the good ones; surprises have to come along and shake life up sometimes to make it as good as it can be. I’m not sure, I feel like she’s been using Grandpa Hades as a warning for as long as I can remember. He is kind of scarier than your average grandpa. You’re the sweetest,, I’m so lucky I have the best boyfriend in the whole kingdom.

Oh, totes! You’re both way easier to talk to than your moms, if you ask me, but I so see them in you. It’s still super weird to me that other people, like, look like their parents - in my house, Sherbert’s the weirdo for actually kind of looking like Mom and Dad, we like the spiciness that all our variety brings! My parents were always together, but they knew since they were babies that they were destined to be together and they still are, which is incredsies! I like Adam’s dads’ story too, I guess, but I don’t think it really compares. I hope all their kids get a happy ending too, but let’s be honest, honey, Archie’s probably going to die alone if he keeps this emo thing up, and Janelle can’t be tamed! Ew, please, you’re better than any sorority-professor-cheerleader-tennis player combo that there could ever be, and Adam knows that! He wouldn’t be dating you if he didn’t think you were the best Auradon had to offer. Though tennis is great for cardio and I love their little skirts, so I vote yay on that idea! Marriage is totally a love booster! Either that or it makes him wish I was quiet instead, but I prefer to think of it as a love booster, and besides, the convos gotta be done either way, right? I can’t just date him and, like, not know where we’re going. That is a good sign! You and Adam are solid, Pandora. I have more faith in you two than I do in me and Phil sometimes.

Clara-mom is definitely better at helping with boys and clothes and fashion. I don’t really know what Parker-mom and Zira have in common but it’s something, and it also involves not talking to real live walking talking people, that’s for sure! Sherbert looks way more like your dad than your mom, btw! And you’re just as pretty as your mom is, even if you’re not practically identical twins. Nobody thought King Blake could be tamed, either, though, and look how perfect they are together! I bet Janelle has a great love story ahead of her, and I hope somebody makes Arch smile someday, he deserves it. He’s going to have frown lines so young if he doesn’t start soon! The outfits are really cute, and when I’m doing athletic stuff is when mom says I’m allowed to wear my high pony. I feel so safe in that, so doing tennis would be an extra excuse to wear it sometimes. Why would he want you to be quiet? You’re the most interesting person in the world, I could listen to you talk for hours and never get bored. You do? You always seem so confident when you guys are together, I thought you were getting past that. Phil loves you, how could he not? But prom’s coming up, what he does for post-prom is a great test of how devoted he is, right?

Yeah, but me and Arch are way different than you and Lil Z; I’d like to be closer but he’s made it pretty clear that’s not going to happen anytime soon. That’s so cute, though -iIf anything, Zira’s the one who kinda sounds like an alien sometimes, I swear she makes up some of those “abbrevs” because they can not possibly be real. Janelle’s the most fun, I don’t know how anyone couldn’t like her, but I guess wanting to climb trees and cello-wrap toilets isn’t everyone’s cup of tea? You should take her up on the tree offer someday, though; the kingdom looks way beautiful from up in the canopies. Pandora, published author - it sounds good, really good. You know you’ve got my support no matter what you choose in life, Dory. Um.. yeah, I think you could handle any role that you wanted. You’re smart and gorgeous and incredibly likeable, with the drive to get things done and the attitude to get people to follow you. The world is yours for the taking.

They are real, though, I’ve looked online and she’s definitely not the only one using them. Although that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have been the one to make them up; what if my little sister is this amazing trendsetter? I could write a profile about her for the paper and tell the world about how creative she is if that’s the case. If you’re the one sitting on it, probably not -- do you ever fall for her tricks, or do you know her too well by now? I’d definitely like that! Mom says that we shouldn’t go up too high or Hades might try to punish us for getting too far away from him, but I think she might have just made that up. I like that the world’s on my side! I wish you got the same freedom to choose whatever you want to do, but you’re going to be a great king, I just know it.

….I killed you and you’re thanking me for hypothetically screwing your best friend? Am I supposed to say ‘you’re welcome’ to that?

No, you don’t have to say anything back! I just wanted to say thank you, killing Cupcake would have made me way sadder than killing me.

Two and a half is more than a lot of people get out of him, good job, P! He must like you - my total’s way higher but that’s just because he smiled a lot easier as a kid, I’ve got the homefield advantage. Ironically, Janelle’s probably got the next highest Archie-smile-score, if I had to guess. I think that as a kingdom Camelot has stabilized a lot - having a newcomer and a born-princess of the place raise it together made a difference, way better than the sword if you ask me. You could, yeah! And you’d have a heck of an insider’s perspective with your connections.

I’m sure your number’s higher because you’re his brother and he loves you. I mean, I make Zira smile all the time, even if sometimes I think it’s because she thinks I’m an alien for not understanding all her Twitter terminology. Really? He always seems so offended by Janelle’s -- well, her everything! Which is sad, she’s always so fun when I’ve come over to visit, she always wants me to climb trees and throw food and put cellophane on toilets. I don’t do it, but it’s sweet of her to ask. Who knows, maybe if I do a good enough job writing an article I could get a whole book deal! Do you think I could have any other role?

…Good Beast, your mom is so weird. You’re so lucky you got the pretty from your moms without the weird, because I wouldn’t know how to be around you. I mean, MY parents think that the story of Trevanie should be third, and if there’s contention, then it’s fair game, isn’t it? King Will and Mr. Blake are super hot but it’s our time now, and they’d want their son to follow in their footsteps with an adorable story. Please! What college girl could be better than you? There’s only one girl better than you in the world, P, and that’s me, and I’m content with Phil. Adam is totally yours for the taking. Um, well, usually Phil gets really into me when I bring it up, actually - it makes him kiss me, like, a lot, and then we kind of just get swept up in that. You and Adam, though? You could ask him if he thinks you’d make a good queen, maybe! Then he’s thinking about you in that role without you coming right out and asking about being his “wife”!

I think we kind of look like which mom we resemble more, right? I mean, I love Zira, but she’s even more obsessed with social media than mom is with dead people, and mom taught me how to be super cute and to ask people to give me quotes for the newspaper even when they don’t want to. I don’t know, I really think Adam’s dads’ story is so romantic, don’t you? It just kind of sounds like your parents were always together, but his parents were best friends and King Will almost married somebody else and then a kiss changed their whole lives! I’m sure they want Adam to be just as happy as they are, though, and Archie and Janelle, too, right? Maybe there’s a sorority president, or a young professor, or a head cheerleader, or a tennis player. Should I start playing tennis? That seems very house-wifey. Oh! So talking about marriage is like a love-booster? It makes him think about all the future kisses you’re going to have and he just wants to appreciate every moment of it and start now? Hmm... Well, we did talk about how he didn’t imagine me being on the council, that’s a good sign, right?

F: @auradonsadam. He’s been my boyfriend long enough, we could be ready to take that step, right?M: @darlingcupcakepan, I obviously have to make sure my best friend lives with me forever.K: @phillipofcamelot, I’m sorry, Cupcake! We’ll find you another boy, I promise.

Because you’re sweet, duh! Sweet attracts sweet, just like pretty attracts pretty and cheerleader attracts tourney player, it’s a tale as old as time! Like my mom and dad, the greatest love story of all time. Phil and I will take the second greatest love story ever spot soon, but you and Adam are welcome to take third! It never comes up? Like, at all? He’s in college now, Dora, he’s a grown-up! How does it not come up? You don’t just, like, casually date the guy who’s going to rule our whole world, you know. Or maybe you do but that’s…unusual. Even I drop marriage hints to Phil, and we’re still high schoolers.

No, being sweet attracts honey bees, but mom always says how the bees die if they sting you just once and that if they ever do it, to bring the bee home and she can try to have a seance and find out if its final act of violence was worth it or not. Oh, I don’t want to steal third from his parents, King Will and Mr. Blake deserve the spotlight a little longer before another royal love story takes their place, don’t you think? College is an exciting new time in his life! Who knows, maybe he could have met cool exciting college girls and changed his mind about boring little me. Not that he ever would because he’s just the sweetest, but I didn’t want to pressure him when we’re in totes different places right now. Does he take the hints when you drop them? I mean, what could I say, if I decided I wanted to talk about it with Adam?

Oh, yeah, absolutely, I can’t imagine Arch giving Cupcake anywhere near that much responsibility - he’s kinda biased towards cheerleaders, probably because it goes against his whole “never smile” thing he’s got going on. She’s got great teamwork skills and is good at taking initiative, she’d be a viable asset to any team, her siblings, my council, whichever. You’re absolutely right, though, and how good does Queen Cupcake of Camelot sound? She lucked out with the alliteration there, didn’t she? Oh, of course, hun. You’d make a good anything you wanted to be. I guess I just imagined you as continuing working as a journalist.

Archie’s super grumpy towards most people. Did I ever tell you that I’ve tried to keep track of the number of times I’ve made him smile in my whole entire life, and I think it’s still only two and a half? And once was when I told him he and Janelle were nothing alike. She really did. Unless they decide to go back to that silly old sword thing -- I guess it was nice that Camelot gave outsiders a chance to be king, but it seemed like it was always just people from other kingdoms taking over instead. Right, totally! I could report on all the great things the council does, right?

Sounds like you got it right on the first time, then, cutie! Prince Adam is all those things and more. I’m so serious, if he were any cuter, I’d have to find someone with strong enough magic to body-swap him with Phillip! But him getting into your box isn’t as important as other things, like him getting out his box. For you. How’s getting that proposal coming? Your’e almost out of high school too, you know, it’s not crazy to think about. When do I get to be the maid of honor at the wedding of the century?

He’s so cute, on the inside and on the outside. I don’t know how I got so lucky, to find somebody so sweet. But Phil’s such a pretty boy, too! Not as pretty as you, but nobody is. Oh. Right, a proposal! Um, we just haven’t talked about it, it never comes up. He’s so busy with college and preparing to be king, and I’m so busy with cheer, and you know, Auradon’s really changed. Without villains to make life seem more dangerous and urgent, and with his dad in charge, people just don’t seem in a super rush, right? It’s normal for us to have not talked about it yet, it doesn’t mean anything.