us weirdos have to stick together

It stopped me in my tracks. I was 6. I had heard from adults my whole life that shots were important, but I didn't really understand the consequences of not getting them. I asked him to tell me why his parents didn't believe in doctors. He said he grew up out in the midwest on a farm, and his parents were "a type of christian" that believed people got sick because god wanted them to get sick, and going to the doctor was going against what god wanted. His parents were terrified of making god angry, which was something I could understand considering I was raised evangelical. But I was confused because he HADN'T died. I asked him how he'd made it this far if he had never been allowed to go to the doctor and he'd been so sick.

And he told me that when he turned 15 he'd run away from home, hopped on a train that took him all the way up to New York, and started asking door to door where he could get these new vaccines he'd heard about. Everyone told him the air force base was the place to go. He went in, asked around, and got his vaccines. At 16, he had his very first annual physical. Shortly after he met my gram, who was the telephone operator for the doctors office he went to every year for his checkups. And he told me as we sat there in the doctor's office that he was the ONLY person on both sides of his family to live past the age of 60.

An opinion piece I photographed from an 1860s small press periodical from Hartford Connecticut.

I thought Netflix’s Dark season 3 was disappointing, boring and made no sense. From its first few chapters I was wishing for it to end already, but it kept going, simultaneously being a convoluted exposition dump while actually explaining nothing, then pulling an ending out of nowhere long after I had stopped caring.

It’s kinda hard to find proper criticism for the series last season; most people just praise how it’s the best possible ending and everything makes perfect sense, so I decided to write my thoughts and criticism.

I’ll clarify that I enjoyed seasons 1 and 2 a lot. They are convoluted in a good and interesting way, where everything seems to fit nicely together, to have been properly planned all along, and it carries the promise that the deeper mysteries that remain will be explained later on.

But then season 3 happens. I still think overall it’s a good show, interesting and worth watching, but season 3 is disappointing and the show as a whole is certainly no “perfectly written masterpiece”.

Massive spoilers from now on.

Even if it made logical sense, season 3 is bad.

Most of the charm of the first 2 seasons is watching how every action fits in a single linear timeline and how every cause had an unexpected consequence that makes the timeline more and more complex while maintaining perfect coherence. It’s hard to follow, but it’s doable.

Then season 3 ruins the charm by making everything so convoluted it’s impossible to follow and unsatisfactory to even try.

Complexity is enjoyable up to the point where anything can happen. Why would you still care then? How could you? A mystery is intriguing because it needs to be explained by the rules of the world; the rules you know and are able to follow. If the explanation could be “a witch did it”, then none of the mysteries would be intriguing.

So we have a character that dies, and it’s intriguing because we know he’s alive in the future, so how can this be possible? Well, there’s actually 2 parallel worlds, so he’s alive in the other world. It’s a surprising twist, but the rules have been broken; now almost every mystery can be explained by the existence of a parallel world.

But then a character dies in both worlds! How can that be? Well, in the second world there’s actually two intertwined timelines, so they died in one of them but no the other.

How are you supposed to care about anything that happens from this point onward? No mystery is that mysterious when the possibility of a convoluted explanation involving multiple worlds and timelines is always there. And why even bother trying to make sense of it when they could pull out a fourth timeline or a third parallel world at any moment (and they actually do)?

Character’s motivations are impossible to follow because everyone is lying and being double-crossed by alternate reality characters all the time.

Half of the characters you are following now aren’t even the original characters but their versions from another world or another timeline inside that second world, so it’s really difficult to keep caring about any of them.

I’m not even going to attempt to criticize any of the fine details or possible loose ends because when characters can jump between timelines and realities at any time and all of them are either lying or being lied to, I’m pretty sure that by watching the show 3 times and reading the wiki you could find some plausible explanation for any small inconsistency, but at this level of complexity who even cares.

However, I think there are major, big picture flaws that somehow seem to have gone over most people’s head.

1.- The end is the beginning, therefore every action is an explanation for itself.

Most of the plot and almost the entirety of season 3 could be summed up as: A ton of people do nonsensical things because they know their future selves did those things, so they must repeat them because time is linear (except in the end it isn’t).

The bootstrap paradox is the cheap way this show has to explain any mystery and any character motivation: It happened the first time, so it must happen the second one too. Since this is a loop with no beginning, there is no need for any action to have had a logical explanation at one point.

It becomes useless to try to understand why any of the main mysterious characters do anything or what their plan is, because it can always be explained (and often does) as just “this is what happened the first time, so it must happen the second one too”.

There’s a point where one character is compelled to kill himself just because a character from the future saw him kill himself, so he must kill himself now so the future is consistent, even though there was never an actual reason for him to kill himself.

This is cheap and lazy because you can have any character doing any mysterious thing and no explanation is needed. Why do Noah and Helge drop dead kids at specific times and locations? Because they are just repeating what their future selves did, and since the loop has no beginning, no original reason exists.

2.- Adam, Eve and Claudia’s plans and motivations make no sense.

Adam and Eve’s motivations, and to some extent Claudia’s, are extremely unclear. They are the ones who explain to everyone else how time and parallel worlds work, except they are always lying and opposing their younger selves, and they are actually wrong about how all of it works.

This makes it hard to actually know what their actual motivations are, since the show doesn’t clearly show when and how they arrived at their current understanding of the world. It’s somewhat clear what they are trying to do, but not why they are trying to do so or what makes them so confident about their knowledge.

The show presents Adam and Eva as opposing forces trying to control time, while Claudia helps one or the other at different times for different reasons, yet most of the time all of them are actually doing exactly the same thing: Trying to make everything happen as it happened the last time.

So the story goes something like this: Following Adam’s instructions, Young Jonas tries to change the past by preventing himself from being born. Claudia stops him, tells him he must fight against Adam and therefore he can’t stop existing, so he must let history repeat itself. Jonas works alongside Claudia and somehow eventually ends up becoming Adam, whose plan, according to the Dark Wiki (dark-netflix.fandom.com) is to keep the cycle going.

This makes no sense, but that last part is actually wrong, at least to some extent, which shows that even the people writing the wiki don’t really know Adam’s motivations.

By the end of the show, it’s clear what is the ultimate thing each of them are trying to accomplish: Adam wants to destroy both worlds, Eve wants to keep the cycle going to avoid Adam destroying the worlds, and Claudia wants to save her daughter in at least one world. None of them seems to actually care about the apocalypse, although that was supposed to be the main conflict to avoid.

But how did Adam and Eve reach those conclusions? That’s never properly explained and their whole development seems nonsensical and contradictory: They try to change the past as their younger selves, they grow old trying and realize it’s impossible, so they turn around and try to prevent their younger selves from changing it.

At every chance they had to actually change the past someone appeared to stop them or convinced them not to do it, yet they somehow end up with the belief that time cannot be changed, while simultaneously doing their best effort to ensure time is not changed.

This is a total contradiction. Either you think time can be changed and try to do so, or you think time can’t be changed and do nothing about people trying, since you don’t need to prevent anyone from doing what you believe to be impossible.

Adam’s plan is to kill Martha and her baby, since her son is who ultimately will put the whole cycle in motion. If he is successful, he will create a paradox where the cycle was never put in motion therefore none of them exist, and thus they will cease to exist*. To do so, he needs to make pregnant-Martha go through a time travel portal because quantum shenanigans say that’s the only way to remove her baby from existence.

* “A paradox happens therefore we suddenly stop existing” makes no logical sense, but since it’s a common trope, let’s ignore it for now.

Eva knows of Adam’s plan and disagrees. For some not properly explained reason, she would rather have and infinite loop of people repeating their same miserable lives rather than ending the loop and making them disappear,  thinking this is equal to them never existing, although they clearly existed. There might also be motherly instincts mixed in; the love for the son she is never shown having a conversation with before turning him into a murder machine to prevent him from not existing.

Eva’s plan is pretty stupid and evil, while Adam’s plan is contradictory, since he is preventing people from changing the past or creating a paradox in order for him to create a particular paradox as a last resource after failing to change the past.

Meanwhile Claudia is trying to repeat the timeline with the intention of actually changing everything at some point, but I don’t care to try and guess what her plan actually was all along.

3.- There’s no way Claudia could get her final revelation.

The characters are supposedly repeating the same cycle over and over, so nothing should actually change, but let’s say it can somehow because they explain something about moving grains of sand.

Concluding that a third world must exist because “there’s always a third dimension” is already a wild logical jump, but even so, how could she ever conclude that the third world was an original one that got destroyed and divided into two parallel realities, and that the reason was the clockmaker failed to make a time machine? It is completely impossible for her to conclude such things.

4.- The creation of the two worlds makes no sense.

So, there was an original world. A clockmaster tries to make a time machine, but instead destroys his world creating… two parallel worlds with 3 timelines that are interconnected in an extremely convoluted loop without beginning? And neither of those worlds actually spawns from the moment he activates the time machine, since he is intercepted years before that by those world’s time travelers?

This is a total cop-out that’s not a better explanation than “magic”. A dude made a machine that destroyed the world and spawned 3 seasons of a completely arbitrary but conveniently interconnected mystery thriller.

5.- Time rules are inconsistent

There’s a scene in which time is proven to be so deterministic that Jonas is literally immortal. He can’t be killed because that’s not the place and time where he’s supposed to die in. This is both dumb and inconsistent.

The concept makes sense to a certain extent: If the character is alive in the future, it means he didn’t die in the past. However, that only works as long as the character is not trying to kill himself to prove a point. It only works somewhat elegantly in the show because Jonas accepts it as truth and doesn’t try to push it further, but what if he didn’t? What if he kept trying to kill himself just because he knows he can’t? Would knives break and guns keep getting jammed? It’s dumb because it implies time is a sentient being that will go out of its way to prevent things that aren’t supposed to happen from happening.

Also, it’s inconsistent because it’s latter confirmed that the past can in fact be changed.

6.- Conflicting beliefs are held at the same time.

Eva devotes her life to ensure everything happens as it should happen while simultaneously being 100% sure things will happen in the present as they happened in the future and there’s no way to avoid that. She is dumbfounded when Adam doesn’t kill her the moment he was supposed to kill her.

I’m pretty sure Adam and Claudia hold these same contradicting beliefs at one point or another, simultaneously believing the past can’t change while making their best effort to ensure it doesn’t change.

7.- Time stopped for a brief moment.

Claudia literally says that time stopped for a brief moment when the clockmaster activated his time machine or something.

Think about that. She’s telling you that time stopped during a small  period of time. She’s using time to mesure the lack of time.

Also, how could she ever know if time was stopped and for how long (hah), and how does it make any sense that her plan is to do something while time is stopped.

8.- Deep meaningful answers for the gullible.

This is not a plot hole, just a criticism to the writing and the development of the plot: Almost every time a character makes a crucial question to the character that holds the answer, they either don’t respond because of the bootstrap paradox (“my future self didn’t explain it to you so now that I’m in the same situation I won’t explain it either to avoid changing the past”) or they quote a philosopher or something in an attempt to seem deep while giving a non-answer that’s completely unrelated to the current conversation.

This is an actual conversation from the show:

- Why are you storing barrels full of nuclear waste inside an underground cave? - What we know is a drop, what we don’t know is an ocean.

OK! No more questions then!

9.- Blind trust in the wrong person.

This is also a relatively minor nitpick I just want to get off my chest.

Characters, particularly Jonas and Martha, blindly trust anyone who appears before them and tell them they have been lied to, even after discovering that the last three people who supposedly revealed the truth to them was actually lying too.

This could still be believable given the circumstances until we get to the point when they would rather trust a total stranger over their future selves. Why would you trust anyone over your future self? Even if they are lying, you will become them in the future; their plan will be your plan, no matter how hard is it to understand now. Yet Jonas doesn’t require any proof from Claudia before trusting her completely over Adam.

10.- Why are Jonas and Martha needed to stop the cycle?

This is never actually explained beyond some vague idea of them being at the center of everything. Claudia could have traveled to the original world herself. Jonas could have done it too without taking Martha with him.

How do they even tune the machine to take them to a world that no longer exists?

11.- The whole time tunnel with Jonas and Martha?

???

12.- The resolution is a paradox, and thus impossible.

In order to stop time travel from ever existing they need to travel in time and prevent time travel from being created, thus making their existence a paradox, which makes them slowly disappear in a cloud of gold dust.

I know this was done for the visual spectacle, but still.

So much struggle against determinism, so many exposition dumps, so much care to make every piece fit perfectly in the timeline, just for the final resolution to be a blatant paradox. Pretty, but not really fitting.

The Legend Of SWORD DOG

DRACULA'S EX-GIRLFRIEND is coming 13th of September to Nebula!

Two former rivals reconnect over drinks and a quick bite.

One is compulsively running through men and can’t kick the habit of drinking their blood; the other is working through her trauma and lives with werewolves in LA.

Things get uncomfortable when the conversation turns to the same toxic lover that connected them — Count Dracula!

Full trailer drops next week!

AND

WE'RE HAVING A PREMIERE IN FUCKING HOLLYWOOD

THAT YOU CAN WIN FREE TICKETS TO