Astromom

When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now). 

I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes. 

Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable - ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that. 

Aggression, Ambition, Action, and Anger (or a total lack thereof); may I present to you the negative aspect of Mars in the signs…

Aries: The Warlord; selfishly looks for ways to serve the ego and libido; excessively competitive; wrathful and consuming temper with violent hostility; hot-blooded, thoughtless, and intense; undomesticated tactics; faces oppositions, strife and struggles.

Taurus: The Hebetude; unresponsive enthusiasm and dull energy; temper is slow but rampaging; driven by sensual pleasures and solid security, difficulty balancing impulses and self-indulgences; lacks ability to forgive and forget.

Gemini: The Sparkplug; curiosity clouds ambitions, resulting in stuttering pursuits driven by varied superficial interests; irrational impulses and childish temper; fidgety, fickle, and unreliable; always looks for the easy way to do things.

Cancer: The No-Hoper; represses anger and clings to the past; laziness and lack of confidence forces reliance on other people’s strength; unhappy, depressive, and defensive; driven by emotional security, does not expect success.

Leo: The Peacock; demands dramatic physical expressions to prove dominance and make an impression; vain and shallow, driven by enormous superiority complex; exaggeratedly passionate; ruined by arrogance and self-worship.

Virgo: The Lemon; cranky and acutely analytical; zero-ins on failings and weaknesses, deteriorating the ambition; motivated by an obsession with perfection; harsh, callous, and bitter; spiteful temper; hindered by extreme criticism and anxiety.

Libra: The Loiterer; never outwardly aggressive or openly pushy, uses others; avoids direct confrontation and action by weighing every option; restless, easily agitated, and sneaky; ambition is sidetracked by procrastination and cerebral vacillation.

Scorpio: The Punisher; desires to fanatically push self and others to the extreme with challenges and tests; motivated by seething resentment and wrath; proud, guarded, and self-destructive; lazy and vengeful, lack of forgiveness.  

Sagittarius: The Hotshot; omnipotent and bloated ego believes self is untouchable and impervious to damage; immature, disillusioned, and self-important; temper is massive; wild impulses and lack of self-control overpower true views of reality.    

Capricorn: The Emperor; trouble discerning between assumptions and reality; doubtful, limiting, and contemptuous; obsessive in pursuits driven by material achievements and respect; calculating, stalwart, and cruel; rigorous and ruthless control, with no mercy.  

Aquarius: The Wave Maker; crafty and erratic ambitions easily sidetracked by an unknown; agitator who protests and disrupts all forms of boredom; edgy, fixated, and excessively progressive; enraged by glitches in logic and plans.

1. Party Drunk:

will talk to anyone and everyone

only does shots

has to literally be dragged home at the end of the night because they refuse to acknowledge that the party has ended and they’re the only person still there

2. Blissful Drunk

does nothing but laugh

just happy to be included

too good for this world

loves you so much even though they just met you four minutes ago

probably also does acid

3. Emotional Drunk

not great at parties

is either crying tears of sorrow bc there’s no chips left or crying tears of gratitude bc someone showed them where the bathroom is

brings out everyone’s inner mother

4. Parent Drunk

keeps everyone’s shit together

everyone thinks they’re sober but they’ve actually had 5 shots in an hour

knows when u need to go home and will make sure you get there

holds back your hair when you’re vomiting at 3am

5. Slutty Drunk

never gets cold

makeup never smudges

never has to buy their own drinks

you think they’re sloppy and have no idea what they’re doing but every move is calculated and intentional

6. Sloppy Drunk

wasted by 10pm

needs to be taken home early

will drink anything you give them as long as there’s alcohol in it

a Mess

Aries: The Aries ghost goes for mass terror, impersonal but intense. They would enjoy frightening large crowds of strangers. They’re the loud and over-the-top scary, appearing out of thin air and transforming into huge, gruesome, gory monsters and roaring deafeningly. They are the angry ghosts that spread their wrath across a huge area, causing mass panic. 

Taurus: A Taurus ghost holds grudges. They do not forgive and they do not forget. They will hunt down every last person who ever did them wrong and make their life a living hell. They can be extraordinarily violent, but unlike the Aries ghost they are subtle and patient. A Taurus ghost’s ultimate goal is not to cause terror or gain fame, but to take back what their victims took from them. This ghost is the most likely to kill.

Gemini: This ghost is the stuff of horror movies… the so-bad-it’s-hilarious horror movie. They’re the ultimate pests as ghosts, wrecking havoc for no other reason except for the pleasure of it. They’ll most likely haunt their friends and family, or whoever they feel like. A Gemini ghost causes objects to float in midair, throws things at people, possesses inanimate objects, pokes and pinches at people, or just finds a nice public place to scream bloody murder. Although a nuisance, a Gemini ghost isn’t likely to cause major damage.

Cancer: The child ghost. Does your younger sibling have an imaginary friend? Their invisible pal could be a Cancer ghost, friend and solace of lonely children. Of the many forms they could take, they choose the one they had when they were young. Wishing to revisit their childhood, they haunt small children, playing with them, talking to them, taking care of them. On the flip side, a Cancer ghost can cause immense damage when angered. A small, childlike ghost can explode into a howling, fiery ball of fury and may possibly kill.

Leo: The Leo ghost seeks fame and glory. They tap into generalized fears and common horror movie tropes in order to strike fear into as many people as possible. This ghost rules the jump scares, the possessed dolls, the bloody hands, the billions of cockroaches. If you’ve seen it in a movie, the Leo ghost takes its form. They tend to haunt very public places with a lot of mystery surrounding them, such as medieval castles or theaters.

Virgo: The Virgo ghost takes no joy out of being stuck on the earth plane. Most likely, they are a soul that got stuck on this side by accident. They haunt abandoned places, rarely causing disturbance or appearing to humans, but people will sense there is something off about the places they haunt. They exude a strong foreboding presence, and dislike being intruded upon. Occasionally their frustration will spill over, and they will wail and moan and cause the walls to shake, and the place they inhabit will become known as a place that is haunted.

Libra: This ghost is all about the aesthetic, for lack of a better term. They enjoy haunting old houses and graveyards. The Libra ghost enjoys the buildup to a scare, causing the sky to darken, thunder to rumble and causing a mysterious fog to obscure the area. They’ll laugh menacingly or whisper softly, spell out threatening messages. Usually their victim will flee before the “finale” of their performance arrives, which is convenient, since the Libra ghost doesn’t really have a finale. They enjoy scaring, but do not usually harm their victims. 

Scorpio: Vengeful Scorpio ghosts usually haunt a few specific people, those they love and hate at the same time. A Scorpio ghost that has been abused or murdered will haunt the person that hurt them. Their victims will often feel as though they are being watched. They will be afraid to close their eyes at night and afraid to open them in the morning. They see mysterious flickering lights, thick fogs, and hear strange noises in the night. They can’t tell anyone they are being haunted, because no one will believe them. You will never see a Scorpio ghost, but you will know they are there. 

Sagittarius: This ghost is most likely to commit random acts of haunting, with no particular motive behind it. They are independent and rarely hold grudges or seek revenge. They never stay in one place for long, instead traveling around the globe and causing random misfortune to fall upon humans. The Sagittarius ghost causes more nuisance than fear, doing minor things like causing books to fall off a shelf or scaring animals. They enjoy attention, but do not thrive on it like a Leo ghost. 

Capricorn: A Capricorn ghost sees themselves as one chosen to carry out the justice they could not while they are living. They kill the evil and corrupt, frighten those straying down the wrong path. This ghost is often wrongly assumed to be guarding treasure or other worldly prizes, but they actually use the illusion of riches to lure the corrupt and greedy to their realm. They may cause horrible accidents to oily politicians, child abusers, and traitors; those they see as the worst of the human race.

Aquarius: Like the Cancer ghost, the Aquarius ghost seeks a companion, but usually in their adult form. They may choose to haunt their best friend or partner, being lonely and bored stuck on the earth plane. They are generally benign ghosts, rarely making themselves known except by their chosen human. They come and go, in their absence attempting to find a way to the other side. Slowly, as their chosen human grows up or begins to forget about them, the Aquarius ghost ascends to the heavenly plane where they truly belong.